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| Kids with speech delay |
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i have got a word problem here. My son, Douglas (4yrs old) loves his grandpa and calls him "dad-dad" (his way of saying, 'Grandad') So at moments of discomfort like, having to eat his vegetables, going to a store he doesn't want too, going home....-- i mean anything that douglas doesn't want to do he calls for his "dad-dad". For a more recent example, we were driving to the mall and passed his grandad's house, so douglas kept saying, "dad-dad". and i said, "no, we are not going to grandad's house". And Douglas continued--- daddaddadadaddadaddaddadadaddad mixed w/ some fake tears. i continued to say no.
so here is my problem. he has a speech delay, and words are very special- so how to i discipline? When douglas doesn't accept my No (even if i say it 30x 30different ways) i see that as a form of rebellion- not accepting my answer as the final answer. So- do i spank and risk him to interperate that a spank equals no grandad? bc "dad-dad" isn't a bad word--- but will he see it that way if i spank? ... and trust me- i tried ignoring it, for a long time, several times- and that doesn't work. ignoring the word hasn't worked--he only gets louder and more persistant- grabbing my face for attention and saying, "momma, dad-dad".
i did give him a swift slap to the leg after the 30th time he asked for dad-dad (Because i said i was going to swat his leg if he asked again-- and i followed through w/ my threat.) and he had some real tears in his eyes. i wasn't sure if a swat was the right answer. BUT he stopped asking for "dad-dad".
How can i know that he even understand why i swatted him?...
does anyone else have this problem? what have you done w/ this fragile situation? ignoring the word hasn't worked--he only gets louder and more persistant- grabbing my face for attention and saying, "momma, dad-dad". |
| Posted by emily on 04/24/2008 11:32 PM
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| PS: Douglas accepts my "No" when it comes to cookies and other small issues. |
| posted by emily on 04/25/2008 09:09 AM
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Sometimes my 2 yr old son will try things like that. We just put his word in a new context. His grandpa is Gigi (it's an ethnic word for grandpa). Gigi? Oh, I am sorry honey, Gigi doesn't come over if you don't nap. Yes, sweetheart, Gigi rides in cars too but he isn't bold when he does. He sits nice and quietly.
Maybe try to turn it around on him like in, "Yes, that is granddad's house" or, "yes, granddad eats veggies and he wants you eat yours too." And I would keep putting the word into a context that illustrates proper behavior. Eventually, he will either give up, or give in. He will also learn that just because he says the word doesn't mean he will get what he wants all the time. He will feel understood and it won't undermine his achievement of saying the word.
I know sometimes it gets very frustrating but, I would remember that whether his vocabulary has 5 words or 5,000 words, he is still a 4 year old and still needs to be corrected for inappropriate actions. Re-contexting doesn't work all the time with my little guy but, it certainly reduces the challenges during the day.
Hope this helps! |
| posted by Melissa on 04/25/2008 02:26 PM
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Hi Emily. I can definitely understand your frustration! I also understand not wanting a rebellious 4 year old on your hands, but maybe this idea can help for a few weeks… I like Melissa’s idea of “Granddad eats his veggies and wants you to eat yours too.” If after going through that two or three times and still he is saying Granddad, possibly you could call Grandad on the phone. If Gramps is willing, maybe you could give him a quick rundown of the situation and tell him you think Doug would like to talk with him. At that point, if you could put the phone on speaker and kinda “interpret” it may help (my 3 year old is constantly trying to show his Grandpa something and doesn’t understand he can’t see through the phone.) If Doug is saying it to try to get out of eating veggies or something, maybe it would help if he heard it right from gramps that eating veggies is good…the whole united front type of thing. He also would see that you were right, whatever it was, you mom, are almost always right ;-) Assuming this is just a stage that will pass (hopefully) quickly, maybe Grandad will be willing to help you out a couple more times to keep you from pulling your hair out. I know it isn’t the ideal solution, but at least it will show Doug that nothing changes about what he doesn’t want to do, just because Grandad is involved.
I’m not totally against a deserved swat now and again, but since you have questions about if Doug understands why he may get a swat I would try to stay away from that one if possible.
Good Luck!!! :-)
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| posted by Rhonda on 04/28/2008 02:23 PM
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thats all good advice. im def. gonna try both suggestions. I just got little doug into a speech pathologist and told her my situation- she suggested a chart w/ a picture of grandad showing how many more days utntil we get to see him again... trust me, im going to try it all! this needs to end soon.
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| posted by emily on 04/28/2008 08:19 PM
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Hi Emily,
I know it's only been a few days, but is anything working to relieve hearing daddad all the time? How are you holding up?
-Rhonda |
| posted by Rhonda on 05/02/2008 06:39 PM
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Looks like great advice all around! I love incorporating dad-dad into helping with the situation. Maybe he also really misses his kindness, and that is what he is looking for in tough situations.
I don't have any issues near this yet, but I hope to remember the great advice for when I do. :o) |
| posted by Annette+4 on 05/02/2008 11:39 PM
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