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| Parents of 'Difficult' Children |
| Public online group |
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I have a 7 year old who is a real handful around me at least. He has no respect for me at all. He loves to pick at me to the point where I have to leave the room. I have tried to talk to him calmly, but more often than not find my self yelling out of frustration. My husband tells me his behavior is a reflection of my own. I have tried taken his advice in changing my ways, but find it really hard to stick with a form of punishment my son tries to fight me on such as putting him on a time out or taking items away from him. As sad as it may sound I often find myself thinking I can’t stand my own child although I love him dearly. My husband has told me in the past he would help me if I needed it, but when he does he gripes about having to do so later. I feel like I am in this alone and have cried many times over it. When I correct my son in front of my husband, he tells me I’m talking too loud, or I’m not talking firm enough or he will tell me I am giving my son too many warnings or I’m not giving him enough warnings or my punishment is unfair or he will say he never has to do that with him or he will say that he is always good with him.
Have any of you gone through this kind of thing? if so how do you handle your child and put up with a partner who is unsupportive?
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| Posted by lisa s on 04/24/2008 06:15 PM
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My spouse is supportive but I frequently end up yelling at my daughter. I really try hard not to but I do. She is stubborn, manipulative and ignores anything that doesn't suit her. I am slowly learning to just isolate her and walk away - or use reverse psychology - when she starts demanding things I pretend not to hear her and keep saying "what???? What??? I can't hear you?" just like she does to me. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't but I have realized (not that I always follow this because I definitely don't) that losing control and yelling at her gives her the power and that's what she is after - power and control. If you have to shut him in a room and walk away until you've got control of yourself - do it so that you retain the power and don't sink to his level!
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| posted by elizabeth on 04/24/2008 08:16 PM
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Staying consistant is key. If you give one warning this time and five the next, then he is going to continue to do the same things. He sees that if he continues to act out, you may give in or not follow through. It is important to remain calm (though that is easier said than done) but it really does no good to get worked up and it actually just adds fuel to the fire. I would have a talk with your husband but I would do it when this hasn't been an issue, like when you are out for a drive. Don't accuse him of not helping, but more just say to him, hey, remember when you told me that you would help me with dicipline? I could really use your help. Let him know that you want his help and support. (I hope that he is not telling you that you are talking too loud and giving or not giving too many warnings in front of your son because that will definitely add fuel to the fire for your child.) At that point he will know that you and dad don't agree on punishment and he will escalate his behavior because there is no common ground. Just tell your husband that you would like to sit down with him and discuss dicipline and figure out what each of you can agree on for a punishment and then both of you follow through. Hope that this has been helpful.
Jen |
| posted by Jennifer on 04/24/2008 08:28 PM
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Consistancy!! My 9 year old was very hard to handle.. and he still is to a point. But I have finally found what works and that is what we do. You have to figure out what works for your child. But no matter what remember that you have to stay calm. Don't let your child know that they have gotten to you that much! Take a time out. If you get to worked up then tell your child that "mommy needs a time out." And go to your room and shut your door and do just that... take a time out. Then get yourself together and then you can deal with your child.
Good luck! |
| posted by Sheryl on 04/25/2008 07:48 AM
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