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| Stay at Home Moms |
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| hello all, up till a month ago i worked 6days a week 13h aday. i barely saw my family let alone have substancial quaility time with my 2 boys(5&2). well that all changed when i got fired from my job. so now i find myself as a sahm. i am taking classes online for a degree but im finding this all so hard. i always respected at home moms i knew it was gonna hard at first but i am still struggleing bad, how do you handle this, i get depressed because im not working but then i am happy i get to be with my boys, i miss people i have like no adults to talk to, i have very few friends and they worked the same shifts i did. my husband always took care of the home since i was the breadwinner and now i am doing most of the chores and meals and childcare, at the end of the day im exhuasted way more then i was working. i find myself losing my patiences real easy and im runing out of ideas to do to entertain my guys. lol any advice on anything would be much appreciated. i never realized how difficult this could be and for all you moms that have years inthis omg you are so amazing. |
| Posted by stephanie on 04/18/2008 09:56 PM
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See if you have any play groups in your area. This is a great way to meet new friends for your kids and yourself. Don't feel pressured to constantly entertain your kids. Let them use their imagination. Give them some blocks, put on some music. If it's warm in your area, let them go outside and get out some energy.
As with chores, don't worry if they don't get done. This is a precious time with your kids, and it lasts only for so long. The chores will be there tomorrow. Break up your chores so that you're not doing everything in one day.
It takes some time to get use to the every day pressure of raising your kids, but it's all worth it in the end. I've been a sahm for nearly 3 years, and (some days) I'm still exhausted at the end of the day.
Enjoy this time with your kids. |
| posted by Sam on 04/18/2008 10:12 PM
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| Join a mom's group (try Mom's Club International), get involved in the preschools, arrange playdates with the kids that your kids name as friends. Get to know their parents, often those moms are as starved for adult company as you are, and it is really wonderful to see your kids being social. Set up a weekly schedule for yourself that includes some adult time so you always have a light at the end of the tunnel on the days when you are feeling stressed and lonely. Knowing, for example, that you will do the park on Monday, coffee with friends on Tuesday, walk on Wednesday, etc., really helps you and your boys have something to look forward to. And when you hit the park same time/same day every week you get to know other adults who do the same. Take up some kind of exercise (I like walking the trails around our area; there are also Stroller Strides groups and seemommyrun.com) and check into the offerings of the community center - a lot of those are very affordable and include the kids. And regardless of your religious convictions, start every morning (and sometimes every afternoon) with a prayer or resolve to be patient, energetic, and creative. And find some kind of outlet, like volunteering or something, to use your professional skills on and to stay sharp for when you are ready to return to the workplace. |
| posted by Cindy on 04/18/2008 11:35 PM
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Hi, I totally know what your are go through. It is so tough in the beginning.. I still have my days.. I knows it sounds funny and everyone will tell you it gets better.. My kids are two and five as well.. It is hard My daughter is two and she is difficult and my five year old is getting easier by the day.. I worked 12 hour days until my son was three and then when I had my daughter I realized I had to be home with both of them It has been two years now.. I work part-time teaching mommy and me classes through our local Adult education department.. I agree it is so much harder at home.. I was one of those as well when I worked thinking wow it waould be nice to be home and now that I have done it a few years Ican honestly say it is so much more than I ever thought.. It is also rewarding..
Ok so what I did.. I decided ok this is my Job so I made a schedule just like I had at work.. I tried to get scruture and routine into our daily lives and it helped... Meetup.com might have some playgroups in your area also this website might have some in your area as well.. the YMCA has some great things as well.. Our local YMCA has open Gym time and my kids love it.... Is your five year old in kindergarten yet??
Also, your city park and rec department might have something as well?? Also, we go to the library once a week and make that routine. We rent books and movies and both my kids have library card. We go to different parks and feed the ducks and meet friend one morning a week for a park day.. I am involved in my son's kindergarten as well... My 5 year old takes a class one afternoon a week thru the city to learn how to play soccor and basketball and then my two year old takes a gymnastic class.. I find the city rec. department actually has some classes that are not that expensive like some of the other places... Embrace this time because soon you will be doing your transcription and you will not have as much time for your boys.. I know it is eaiser said that done, but I keep having to remind that to myself daily... Id you do not want to spend the money on the classes and things, sometimes we just go to the pet store or we go to Wal-mart and look at the fish and get ideas for new flowers// Also, our local Home depot and Loews have saturday morning classes on building for your boys cute things to build....
HEIDI |
| posted by heidi on 04/18/2008 11:54 PM
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I was the same way also but I have found us a paly group and we really really likt it. Gives me adult time and gives my child time to run aroumd and play with other kids. The other plus side after all the playing when we get home he just wants to eat super and go to bed early. Also in my play group some of the moms get together for a moms night out. Which is also really good cause you get to go out and eat at a nice place with out kids and the maybe go bowling singing dancing whatever . It is alot of fun. You know before I never made playdates and kept a calander of our schedules but know we do cause their is always something going on for the kids to do.
With house chores I would also say break things up. Cause if you are doing the same thing day in and day out it seems that is all you do. GOOD LUCK |
| posted by Jessica on 04/19/2008 09:12 AM
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Hi Stephanie,
I am too new at this stay at home mom thing, but I do go to school and have not worked for quite sometime. It is hard for me too because I have like no friends in Pittsburgh because i am originally from Harrisburg area. I have found that school is a god send for me. I start up going again in late summer. You may want to think about actually going to a school rather than online you can get some interaction there. it helps and I have found that I am making friends with my neighbors. I don't know if this will help but its what helps for me. good luck |
| posted by Jessica on 04/19/2008 10:10 AM
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hi i am 21 and i have a 21 month old daughter and a 21 year old husband who sometimes acts worse then my daughter. I have not worked since i was 19 and i became pragnent with my daughter and have been a sahm. to top it all off i mived in with my hubbys parents and that took me away from everyone i knew and then just as i was starting to make friends we moved to our own house and to a completely part of the city and when we moved it was in november and i could not get out and make any friends and now that it is starting to get warmer out i am finding out that there are no kids my daughters age and there are not many people my age either. the are all mostley older married couples and there kids have growen.i do all of the house work by my self and i also am a firm beliver in have a schedual. i will clean one room thourghly everyday of the week and will keep the others tidy. i found that it help to limit the number of toys your child plays with a day that way there are not toys all over the house and they do not get tired of playing with the toys to fast. i have storage bins labled with the days f the week and i put toys win the for my daughter to play with and then at then end of the night before bed i make her help me pick them all up and i make a fun game out of it and she knows that it she picks them all up the toy fairy will being her a new box while she is sleeping. As for cooking i make a menu and i stick to it espically since my hubby and daughter are very pickey eaters and i will post it on the fridge so he can see what is for dinner. i have also joined a libary toddler class for my daughter and it is really helping her and i am getting to make some new friends also. if you get stuck on activites for your kids let me know and i will give you some ideas and i have a whol binder full of the that i have gotten off the net. I also teach my daughter with perschool book that i buy from the store. i am on hear everyday and i always check the boards and if you want to e-mail me directly my address is jm121086@aol.com feel free to write about questions or if yuo just need someone to vent to i will listen. i found that having someone outside of your family to vent to really helps a lot.
jaimie |
| posted by JAIMIE on 04/19/2008 06:18 PM
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| thank you all for the great ideas, im am going to make a schedule for the week and see how it goes. i really appreciate all the comments. you all have helped alot :) |
| posted by stephanie on 04/19/2008 08:49 PM
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Stephenie;
I have stayed at home for 11yrs and I can tell you it is worth it.
Sometimes I feel trapped but in those moments, my boys will come up to me and tell me how much they love me.
As far as being organized wth chores umm..I'm still working on that one.
You will see now that the weather is getting nicer, there are alot of things for you and your boys to do..
1) plan a hike or a walk around the block and look for things that you only see in the spring and summer.
your 5yr old might be interested in collecting a few things
and make a picture fram out of it(cardboard rocks,sticks
glue) Familyfun.com
2) Plan themes for the day (fpr instance a picnic in the park,fly kites, pick up rocks to bring home and paint; once in a while(I live in a very rural area)we will have a picninc in the living room and wear our summer clothes,sunglasses,make taco salad...ect) to name a few
3) Have a yard sale..it is the best way to meet people..and give the kids a job selling lemonaide and cookies..(they are so cute..noone will resist)
I know what you are going through also...being a sahm is very difficult in todays society..remember..we understand
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| posted by Rebecca on 04/19/2008 09:52 PM
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jaimie, WOW I am so impressed with you .. I am sure you here it alot but since you are young it is nice to hear how much you you do with your daughter and it sounds like you are a great mom and wife. Keep up the good work and I will use some of the tips you wrote as well... I know I am in my thirties with my children but my sister was 20 and a young mom and now her son is 10 but I always remember her saying I get so tired of everyone saying how young I am and I remember her having a hard time finding friends her age as well that were young married moms. but she got thru it like you are doing and now it is so nice for her ,I get a little jelous sometimes because she is 30 and her son is 10 and she is out of the SAHM stage and has her career so there are benefits to having your kids younger she tell me that all the time in fun, I think.. so take care and talk soon..
HEIDI
HEIDI |
| posted by heidi on 04/19/2008 11:35 PM
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| HELLO STEPHANIE I AGREE WITH ALL THE OTHER MOMS PLAYGROUPS ARE A GOD SENT I WAS IN ONE IN PHOENIX ANDS IT WAS GREAT NOT ONLY DID I GET MOMMY TIME MY SON GOT TIME WITH OTHER CHILDREN AND ALL KIDS NEED THAT INTERACTION I'M YET TO FIND A PLAYGROUP IN CLEARWATER FLORIDA ITS HARD TO FIND A GROUP THAT IS ACTIVE HERE I HOPE I WILL FIND ONE SOON IT GETS LONELY AND LETS FACE IT WOMEN NEED GIRLFRIENDS ITS GREAT TO SEE ALSO THAT OTHER WOMEN WHO WORK FULL TIME GET A CHANCE TO STAY HOME AND FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT TAKES TO RAISE YOUR CHILD NOT THAT GOING OUT AND WORKING ISN'T TOUGH CAUSE IT IS AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF THAT YOUR DOING A GREAT THING STAYING HOME WITH YOUR BOYS I BET THEY LOVE THE TIME THEY ARE GETTING WITH YOU THAT THEY WILL REMEMBER ITS A BLESSING TO BE HOME WITH THEM BECAUSE THEIR ARE PLENTY OF WOMEN WHO WOULD LOVE THAT CHANCE AND KIDS ARE PRETTY GOOD AT ENTERTAINING THEMSELVES SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO STRESS YOURSELF OUT ITS ALOT TO TAKE ON BUT HEY FACE IT WERE BORN TO DO IT ALL WERE EVERYTHING DOCTORS,TEACHERS,THERAPIST,COOKS,HOUSEKEEPERS LOL WE DO IT ALL WERE ALL SPECIAL IN THAT WAY WERE MULTI TASKERS I JUST WANT TO SAY GOOD LUCK AND YOUR DOING A GOOD THING |
| posted by JULIA on 04/20/2008 03:48 PM
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Julia, I'm in St. Pete Beach area. Meetup.com has st. pete small tots, I think is the name of our group. The name recently changed. Try meetup.com and check the St. Peterburg area. It is a great group. 75 moms or so.
Stephanie, I agree with all of the other moms. Groups help a lot. It gets you and your little ones out. Even in bad weather we meet somewhere indoors. I was from the Corporate world and thought being at home would be a cake walk. Working in the office 12 hour days was soooo much easier. I love being home and wouldn't trade the time for the world, you only get one shot at time with your kids, but it is really hard to miss the adult interaction. We too, do moms groups, the pet store, library story time, the rec. center, family swim time at the local pool, picnics, parks. You'll find a lot of Moms hanging out at the parks and they have always been very friendly and give you someone adult to talk to while the kids play. Put items on your calendar, where you are going what day, it helps in a weird way. Maybe all that job time we spent living by our calendar:-) Good luck! |
| posted by Charlene on 04/20/2008 07:32 PM
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