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| Need to Vent Group |
| Public online group |
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| Hello ladies - I need advice. Last year was my first Mother's Day, and I chose to spend it at home, just me, hubby and baby, lounging around, doing a lot of nothing...just relaxing. I didn't want to do a big extended family thing where I had to cook, and I didn't want to travel with our son, so a relaxing day in worked best for me, and my husband was happy about the decision as well. The problem was that my MIL wasn't so happy. I sent her flowers and a card from the family, and she had the nerve to say that she would've traded them in for 5 minutes with us. I found this to be so selfish - how dare she guilt me on my first Mother's Day????? UGH! Anyway, I want to be able to have my day be just that - my day - once again this year, and I'm actually feeling a little guilty about it. What do you all think? Mind you, she watches my son 2 days a week while I work, and gets to visit with us often. She's retired, and we spend a lot of time together, and almost every holiday. Am I wrong here? Am I the one being selfish? Thanks in advance, Lauren |
| Posted by on 04/14/2008 03:57 PM
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| If it were up to me, I would spend no more than an hour with her. Make your stay brief and quick, and let her know that you appreciate everything she has done for you, but, on Mothers Day, you want to spend it at home relaxing with your family. Compromise has to come from both sides. Make it a win win for her, and a win win for you. This is my opinion. |
| posted by esther on 04/14/2008 05:20 PM
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| Sounds like a tricky situation, and I don't know all of the details, but she sounds a bit controlling and manipulative...anyway, you've got a right to put your immediate family first, but I agree with the last post, in that a win win situation all the way around would be the most beneficial. So, maybe you could spread Mother's day over two days and spend some time with her on one and devote the other day to what you would like. Good luck!! |
| posted by gia on 04/14/2008 07:19 PM
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| Maybe you could send your husband and your son to her house for a little while and spend some time by yourself. Then you wouldn't have to deal with her on your day and she would get to see her son. Maybe that wouldn't satisfy her though. Just a suggestion. |
| posted by Cinda on 04/15/2008 08:38 AM
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| I was going to suggest what Cinda suggested, unless you wanted to spend the whole day with your family too....i was thinking maybe they could go to their mother's house for a little while and you can hit a spa or something...?????? by the time they come back, you can also be back to spend the rest of the day? does that idea work for you? btw, i don't think you are being selfish at all.... |
| posted by Lalitha on 04/15/2008 11:31 AM
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You know ladies...I think it's got a lot to do with principle at this point. I shouldn't have to budge because she's being self-centered, In my opinion. The point of the day was for it to be just the three of us, doing whatever we wanted, no guests, no traveling, etc. I'm going to keep my day as planned, but to keep peace, I think I'm going to invite both my mother and MIL over for a casual get-together BBQ the monday following - my mom will already be here watching the baby because I work that day, and I can invite my MIL to join us for dinner. She can take it or leave it. She'll of course be receiving a card and a call on Mother's Day itself, but this way I don't have to deal with anything or change my plans because she guilts us. Done. :)
Thanks so much for the advice. I love this site. |
| posted by on 04/15/2008 12:31 PM
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| LOL,I have to agree w/ them.Id send him over there to see her for about 2 hrs after yall have enjoyed each other,then I would push em out the door,go into your bathroom,take a nice long hot bath w candles and read a book/magazine while they are gone and just have time for yourself. |
| posted by Lexi on 04/15/2008 12:56 PM
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| Oh and I wish I had my mom here w me in Michigan.Id have a BBQ just for her and my dad to show them how much I appreciate and love them and all theyve done for me thru the yrs for mom's day.All my family is in Tx.I miss em alot.His mom is a self-centered biotch/materialistic ;if he wants to see her ,he can do it all alone!!!!!!!!! I only put up w his family on a have to basis! |
| posted by Lexi on 04/15/2008 01:00 PM
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| i guess the ultimate thing is that you have to do what is best for you and your family. i hope i am not offending you, lauren, but i can sort of see your MIL's point of view too. I am thinking of my son, personally, and for the future mother's days, I think I would like to spend time with him---maybe not the whole day and I would hope I get to if circumstances and time allows it. i don't think she's being selfish, either, really, but I do think that it was not right of her to make you feel bad about the way you guys chose to spend it, but I would want some time with my son. personally, i would try to find a compromise. sorry if I offended you but that's my perspective and like i said, ultimately, you have to do what's best for your family. i don't know the whole of your situation so....there's my 2 cents. |
| posted by Lalitha on 04/15/2008 01:14 PM
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no offense taken at all - that's what we're here for - different opinions. thanks for yours - really. :)
Maybe one day my future daughter in law will give me a taste of my own medicine - ha, but for now, I'm keeping my Sunday as planned and will offer a day-after celebration to anyone interested in BBQing the next day. |
| posted by on 04/15/2008 07:46 PM
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