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| First Time Moms |
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| Im just wondering if I am the only one out there with issues with my husband... I know most people post how absolutely amazing their spouse is.. and I am personally tired of hearing that..I am hoping someone else out there is having problems (not that I wish it on anyone) I just would like to know that I am not the only one..I am loosing my mind here!!!! |
| Posted by Charlotte on 04/06/2008 09:32 PM
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Don't worry I don't understand my hubby all the time and he sure as heck doesn't understand me 99% of the time. Marriage is promising to love and work with your spouse through good time and bad.... unfortunately men just don't make lovingthem all that easy all the time... of course I'm not an angel either..... sigh!!!!
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| posted by roxanne on 04/06/2008 09:48 PM
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| Yes I feel the same way and know exactly what your going through. My husband and I almost got a divorce when our daughter was born, it was that bad! We decided to stick it out and just try. It helped going on dates once a week. Even when we were fighting, we would force ourselves out without the baby and it actually saved our marriage. I highly suggest having date nights and or maybe joining a class with other adults together. Get away once a week with him and do something you both enjoy without the baby. I know too, I asked him to read the baby books with me so he could understand how to help me out with her and what she goes through at each stage. That seemed to help too. This time will pass though and the older your child gets the better your husband will be. :) |
| posted by H on 04/06/2008 10:07 PM
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| Thanks guys..I have felt many times like I should leave.. we really don't have much of a relationship right now.. we barely talk, never do anything together..and sex..well..I don't know what that is anymore.. I just get so aggrevated sometimes.. |
| posted by Charlotte on 04/06/2008 11:01 PM
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| I think this is the one thing that people don't tell you. Having a baby changes your relationship with your husband. This has been the most difficult thing about having a baby. It does seem to be getting better, but I have never thought about leaving and divorce as much as I have this past year. The most important thing is to continue to communicate and keep loving each other. Hopefully it will get better. |
| posted by Amy H on 04/07/2008 12:11 AM
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| My husband and I have had alot of problems within the first year my daughter was born. I was in a head on collusion when I delivered my baby. I wasn't able to walk. My leg, back, and neck where really messed up. I wasn't able to walk/get away from him for 4 months, I loved being a mother but I had to rely on someone to help me 24 hours a day. My husband MANY of times told me to leave. We talked about divorce and I wanted to split up. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to put myself in his shoes to see why he was so miserable. My husband had to buy a new truck, do ALL the house work, take me to appointments and physical therapy. Meanwhile we had no money barely able to eat because my husband wasn't going to work for a month. Luckly everything got better but I tell you I thought I was the only one going through getting that mad that I wanted a divorce. So it's good to hear that I'm not the only one. We couldn't have date night or go out. We watched alot of tv. playing computer games. Anything that we could do sitting down. Good luck and just think you'll make it through. It will be the toughest times but you'll get through. I'm 21 and told myself I'm still young and there's more men out in the world. But I love my husband through everything that we went through. We both thought about moving on but we stuck it out. We both became VERY depressed, ect. Who wouldn't have through all the stuff we went through. It'll be ok. Your not the only one. |
| posted by Kris on 04/07/2008 08:17 AM
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| I agree with the post that states that people don't discuss just how much your relationship changes when you have a baby. You get a whole boatload of stress, and it's human nature to take this stress out on the person closest to you. In the past 19 months since I've had my son, I've been annoyed by my husband, and we've fought eachother more than ever before. And sex? UGH! Keep in mind that you're not alone at all. I still want to post that my husband is absolutely amazing for sure, just human, and so am I...we're in this together though, and will weather any stressful storm parenting brings our way...that's what being teammates for life is all about. |
| posted by on 04/07/2008 09:30 AM
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| The problems between my husband and I started during the pregnancy since it was unplanned. I swore I was going to leave him after the baby was born. Then things only got worse, but I still didn't leave for some reason. He caught himself on fire when my daughter was just 2 1/2 months old and spend a while in the burn unit. It was very scary and it made me realize how much I really do love him. We still had our ups and downs after that, but I didn't want my daughter to grow up without him in the same house. Now we found out about seven months ago that my husband has cancer and there is no cure. My daughter will be two this Saturday and we have no idea how long her father will live. This news really puts things into perspective as far as our problems go. Life is short. Make the most of it while you can. |
| posted by Cinda on 04/07/2008 10:10 AM
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| You are not alone at all. Now I know that I am not either. Thank you. I had been thinking that marriage just might be over rated and not something my boyfriend and I should work to. I could not for the life of me see what I saw in him all these years we have been friends after I had our baby. I thought that I must have been temporarily insane when we were dating and sleeping together. Now we are doing very well to be friends again three days out of the week, forget a couple. SEX? Oh heck no! Thats what started this trauma. After reading the responses to your question I have hope again. I wasnt crazy when I liked him, we have been friends before and if we continue to work through this hard time we will be friends again, then maybe even a couple. Keep trying Charlotte!! Thanks again. |
| posted by Kanisha on 04/07/2008 11:53 AM
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My husband is a pain in the behind....trust me, but I don't think anger is a basis for divorce. or their stupidity at times.
I love him and mind you we have kids from our 1st marriges. As of yesterday I have a 13 year old boy and a 6 month old daughter. His kids are 11 and 12. So it is starting all over for us.
He already has anger issues but I accept that about him, when he starts to yell I just look at him like he is an alien. I ask him if he was actually yelling at me when I am in the same room with him and can hear him just fine then he gets all mad and tells me he wants a divorce. I just tell him to grow up. He doesn't mean it ever but he is just the type to get all worked up and say stupid things.... all men have that problem I just figured out that yelling back doesn't help. when 2 people yell at each other it doesn't solve anything.
the date nights are a great idea. I also send him cute emails just being silly because that is what he loves about me that i can make him laugh.
It is hard but if you want it to work out it will.
sex is very important to a relationship, i read a study about it that if you stay intimate while pregnant it helps keep your relationship strong after the baby is born (in and out of bed) it is a bond you have with the person you love and even if you are tired or not in the mood for sex try also to take showers together or other intimate things. your hubby could be feeling neglected because of all the attention the baby gets.
good luck |
| posted by Kristhal on 04/09/2008 02:17 PM
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| I love my husband very much. He helps around the house and with the baby as much as he can. We did argue more after the baby came. More recently, we've both been a lot better at recognizing when we're tired and grumpy and need a little space. We've been trying to make more time for the two of us as well, but lately its been hard to plan around the stomach flu and ear infections. we usually end up on the couch together watching something on the tivo for date night. |
| posted by cathy on 04/09/2008 08:55 PM
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I'd like to know where you are hearing all the positive posts about spouses? I have been purposely absent from this site for a while because I was about to think I was the only woman left who wasn't continuously arguing with their husband or vice versa. So, send me to those uplifting posts! I could definitely hear more of that.
On your end of things, I truly hope that you can communicate your feelings and thoughts to your spouse with love and patience coming from both of you. You aren't alone, so no need to be alone in this. Seek out help if you need it, get some rest if you can, and give both yourself and your man a break during this hard time. |
| posted by Kelly on 04/10/2008 08:21 PM
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