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| Kids with speech delay |
| Public online group |
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| I'm new to the group, but I can relate to having a child with a speech delay. Last June we were told that our 18 m/o son had a speech delay. We were very worried and got him into speech therapy asap. Now he's two and making great strides, but the therapist seems to think that he may have a delay called "apraxia". Naturally my husband and I are worried. I am trying to educate myself on it as much as possible (even though he technically can't be diagnosed w/ it til he's three) which eases some of my apprehensions. My son and I are learning sign language until he starts talking more, and I'm trying to encourage the rest of my family to sign as well. His speech therapist is great, and he's made lots of progress because of her, but we were told that his speech will be a slow go. Sometimes it's really hard because I hear other children his age talking and I want that for him so badly, but I try really hard to always be upbeat, because he's otherwise a happy, healthy, normal 2 y/o. I am really glad I found this group, because it's important to know there are other families out there with this same problem who would understand what I am going through. When I talk about it w/ other people sometimes they try to make me feel better by saying things like "he'll talk when he's ready, he's just stubborn", which I firmly disagree with. I see that my son tries to talk. It's extremely difficult for him. It isn't a matter of him being stubborn. Most of the time when extended family asks me about his therapy I give a vague answer like "oh he's doing good" and leave it at that, b/c their lack of support makes me frustrated. But the most important thing in this world to me is my child, and knowing that there's help out there for him (and the fact that he's otherwise very happy) makes me sleep a lot easier at night :) |
| Posted by Erin on 04/05/2008 11:44 AM
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| Hi, Erin. I can definately relate to what you are saying. My 3 year old has dyspraxia. I think that it is really hard for all of us and we only recently found out what he had. He tries to talk all the time...the only problem is we can't understand what he is saying. We didn't have him tested until right after his 3rd birthday thinking and hoping he would just "catch up." Now I know that isn't the case unless he gets intensive therapy. He starts on Wednesday! We are pretty happy about it...He gets to "meet a new friend" and I am hoping they are really able to help him. It is great having a group that can all talk about our situations. Even though each one is different, it is nice because we can all at least relate to language issues with our children. Much easier than talking with a mom of a child who is right on track and expecting them to understand what it is like. I have learned so much with this message board and the apraxia-kids site...it has been so helpful. When my son was having problems we even wondered if he was being "lazy" and didn't understand that even though he says "ba" for ball and can say "nana" (for his grandma) he really can't say banana. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around, but I am trying and learning more all the time. And at the hardest times we have around the house, I am always just so thankful that things aren't worse :-) |
| posted by Rhonda on 04/07/2008 03:09 PM
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Rhonda
It is so great having someone who relates to you. Sometimes in the past when I would try and talk about Aidan's therapy w/ family members in my husbands family it seemed like there was some resentment towards me. It was almost like they (my mil) were upset w/ me for not believing my son was perfect, and that there could possibly be a prob. I think especially for our parents "therapy" can be a confusing thing. I guess because speech therapy wasn't very heard of when we growing up. I just kept hearing "he'll talk when he's ready" or "he's just lazy". At times I would even ? my decision to put him in therapy thinking "will he get it eventually if I don't do this", but Aidan's therapy is virtually free, and they come to our home twice a week for an hour to visit him, so there was no reason in my mind not to do it. We too told our son he'd make a new friend by doing this, although at only 18 mos it was a concept he didn't quite catch on to. In addition to his speech therapy he also had to see an occupational therapist. The good news is that he's come so far he no longer needs to see her. But enough about my son, tell me more about your's. |
| posted by Erin on 04/08/2008 02:15 PM
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Hi Erin. I was so sick of hearing “he will talk when he is ready” or “he’s a boy” (really? He is? Like that explains something.) I could hardly stand it. Now, my brother told me he thinks I am paranoid and just want to give all my money to therapists or something. I told him since it isn’t his son, or his money, he doesn’t have to worry about it. My family sees the elephant in the room and talks (sometimes quite expressively) about it. My dad doesn’t acknowledge it at all, and my mom (finally) agrees with me. She thought I was paranoid at first and thought it was a waste of time to get him tested. She actually told me Arden is perfect and don’t worry about it, he’s a boy. After he was tested and we knew he really had a problem her story changed. Yes, get him therapy and yes, she kinda knew it all along (yeah, right). Family is difficult to deal with sometimes. My in laws really don’t say much at all about it, so I don’t talk much with them about it either.
Our first therapy appointment was yesterday, and it went well I guess. The ½ hour session seemed to go really quickly. I, of course, am not a patient person and since the problem isn’t “fixed” yet, it isn’t soon enough for me :-) My impatience isn’t a good thing with his diagnosis, but we will work through it. I think for Arden, the most important thing is that I am patient with him.
I think it sometimes is hard to find people who can relate and understand what you are going through. That is why I love this group! Everyone here is in a similar situation and all here for each other.
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| posted by Rhonda on 04/10/2008 04:39 PM
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Rhonda,
I too am sick of hearing "he's a typical boy". I hear that all the time from certain people. It's like "yes, he is a boy what else would he be"? It's like that's suppose to be an excuse for his not talking. I told my mil what the therapist said extended family members could do to help him talk faster, but she just replied "wow, that's a lot of work". Hello! Having someone in the fam w/ a speech delay is a lot of work, but it doesn't mean that the work isn't worth it. They have yet to learn more than one sign. It totally drives me crazy. Am I wrong? Another thing that drives me crazy is when I don't give in to temper tantrums and then other people rush to give in to him, to make him stop crying. I keep telling people that he will get frustrated that he's not getting what he wants, but he has to learn to communicate by using his words, not throwing fits. Giving in to him only solves that problem temporarily. Ugh! I think at first people were reluctant to see that there was a problem. Even my husband didn't want to see it, but I had this sinking feeling when I would watch him around other children . They seemed so much more social than he did. I just knew that there was something amiss. When the doc confirmed my fears I was relived even though other fam members were a bit put off by it. Now (like you said) people will say "oh, I knew all along therapy would be the best thing for him", etc., and it's just like yeah right. For the longest time I had to keep any progress that he made to myself b/c I knew if I told them that they would be skeptical. People will always tell me "oh he's so smart, he's as sharp as a tack" or "he knows everything that you say, nothing gets by him". In a way it bothers me. It's almost like they are reassuring themselves that he's normal, or maybe even trying to reassure me. The thing is I know he's smart. I've known from day one. And, of course he understands what I'm saying. He's not deaf, he has a speech delay. His hearing is fine. My biggest wish is that everyone else would get on board with his sign language etc, instead of me doing everything on my own. Sometimes it gets lonely. That's why I'm so glad I found this group. It's def a great place to vent!! |
| posted by Erin on 04/10/2008 06:12 PM
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Hey Erin, you are too funny! I was rolling when I read your message. I totally can relate to what you are saying though. Instead of complaining it is a lot of work, your mil (and everyone else) should try to jump in and help in any way they can. It would be helping you as well as helping Aidan. If he was in a wheelchair would she say it was “a lot of work” to push him around in it? I want to tell my family either help me or get out of my way. I think people in our families don’t realize how much of a stress something like this is on us. I sometimes can’t believe it. One time I told my mom Arden was trying to tell me something and after the 3rd time of me guessing wrong he just gave up and started to cry, and of course, that upset me and I teared up almost started to cry too. She said “oh, that happens with all kids sometimes.” And just shrugged it off. Maybe it does happen to all kids, but that doesn’t change the way he and I both felt about it.
Since Arden is my oldest I didn’t know really how much he should be talking and when. I assumed everything was okay. Now, when I think of it, I am really upset someone didn’t talk to me about it. My mom or mother in law had to know that he was behind in speaking. I have nieces and nephews that are 9, 8, 7, and 6 so you would think one of my sister in laws could have possibly alerted me that maybe there was a problem. I am NOT blaming them for us not getting help sooner, but instead of saying “there may be a problem” or “why don’t you get this checked out” I heard “he is a boy” and “your brother didn’t talk until late too” and “he will start talking more clearly soon.” Now, my in laws don’t talk to me about Arden’s speech. When I told them about his evaluation no one seemed interested so I think if they don’t want to know what is going on and don’t care, I am not going out of my way to keep you involved in what is going on in our lives either. Although I have to say I was a little upset and hurt by that too.
It is perfect when you said, “And, of course he understands what I'm saying. He's not deaf, he has a speech delay. His hearing is fine.” I hear what they are telling you and think exactly this. Or I may think “no kidding. I am his mom and with him all the time…I know exactly what he knows and how bright he is.”
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| posted by Rhonda on 04/10/2008 11:28 PM
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Rhonda,
Exactly! You are of my sentiments exactly. Aidan was showing signs of being behind and no one told me "maybe you should get him checked out". He was 18 mos and wouldn't sit for two secs to do a puzzle, or read a book and my mil would say "oh he just isn't interested. Let him do what he wants". It would upset me terribly. He kept rolling his cars back and fourth, that's all he'd do. I heard that that was a typical boy thing. But it wasn't adding up. In the dr.s office other kids his age would be putting two words together at a time, and the parents would look at my son who would only make the "m" sound and look at me like "what's wrong with your child"? The painful thing was that I didn't know. Sometimes even now older people will come up to us if we're out shopping and ask him his name, or how old he is, and he'll just stare back. I'll make up an excuse and say he's shy. I don't want to go into a lot of detail. It does get to be very frustrating trying to guess what their needs are when they don't talk. But the most important thing is that we are doing something about it, rather than waiting 3 or 4 years down the road. I shutter to think how that would have turned out. I thank God for giving me the strength to face the unknown.!
Erin |
| posted by Erin on 04/11/2008 10:54 AM
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Arden was always on the go. When I talked to other moms I found his speaking far behind their kids, but the things he could do (running, climbing, that type of thing) was ahead, so I thought it would all equal out…little did I know at that point that it might not. Arden would never sit still for a book, and just wasn’t interested in letters or numbers or anything like that…well, I still don’t know how a “typical boy” develops, but I know my son didn’t just catch up on his own. I can tell you for my younger son I am already watching and will continue keeping his speech under a microscope.
I honestly cringe when a stranger tries to talk to Arden. If it is anything aside from Arden saying “hi” and it is all a lot of questions or strange looks. It is really frustrating. I know people at the store may just be trying to be nice, but I honestly don’t have the time or desire to explain to them everything about Arden’s speech and language development, but I hate the questioning or critical looks too.
It definitely is a roller coaster around here. We are going to Arden’s first IEP meeting tomorrow and I am (again) worried about the unknown and really afraid they won’t want to help him and it will be another fight on his behalf. I hope they want to help him, but I am working myself up for the fight if that is what it really has to come to.
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| posted by Rhonda on 04/14/2008 11:44 AM
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Aidan only made two sounds in the beginning. He would make the "m" sound or he would say "ah ah ah" for everything. I told his doc about it every time he went for a check up. She told me it was nothing to worry about, and common for boys to be a little slower in that area. Her reassurance wasn't reassuring.
Other things weren't adding up. He wouldn't sit still for two secs to do a beginners puzzle. My husband would tell me (and I would tell myself) that he was a toddler, and what toddler does sit still)? But there were other things. He wouldn't identify pics in books, and would cry if I put him on my lap to look at one. Again, I just chalked it up to him not wanting to sit still because he was a toddler. He would only play w/ one kind of toy (and still does for the most part) which was cars. He would roll them back and forth all day long. Any time I tried to introduce him to anything new he would object to it immediately. He would only eat soft foods, and they had to be cut up for him. Finally at 18 mos his doctor introduced us to a speech therapist. But even that didn't come easy. First he had to be observed. I knew before they ever even started taking notes he would qualify. He did nothing that they asked him to do. It was odd, but it was a relief. The only thing that worried me was wondering if they were judging me as a mother for his delay. Yet to this day I wonder if there was something I did wrong. Did I not pay enough attention to him, or did I do something I shouldn't have while pregnant? But I know I did everything possible to make sure I had a healthy baby. I took my vitamins, never smoked, didn't drink, etc.. The only meds I took while pregnant w/ him was Tylenol!
In the beginning his therapy was horrible. He threw a fit every time the therapist would come near him. One day when my husband came home I started to cry. He asked why and I told him. His therapist had suggested that Aidan see a psychiatrist for his anger!! I felt like I was being told a hundred dif things from his parents, my parents, his therapist, doctors, husband, etc.. I was so happy that he was finally in speech, and now his therapist wanted to refer me to someone else! Luckily, Aidan's occupational therapist was great, and told me that it was normal for kids to not like a therapist, and to get another one for him to work with. We did immediately.
Now that he's working w/ someone he likes he couldn't be happier, and either could we. But the progress is slow. He says some words, but not a lot. Most of the time he says vowels. It's a start, but I too am impatient. I want to hear him say "mommy I love you" or tell me what he wants w/o whining. A little of that goes a long way. But we did recently receive some good news. He no longer needs occupational therapy. And he always does 70 or 80 % in therapy. It's a start.
I think it's safe to say that each day brings something new in our house. I just wish I knew what Aidan thought about it. I wish I could get into his head and read his thoughts. As of right now that's the only way to know.
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| posted by Erin on 04/14/2008 05:19 PM
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It is great you are seeing some improvement with Aidan and wonderful that one part of his therapy is complete!
I still feel like people are judging me as a mother…all the time. I think the worst feeling I have ever felt is questioning myself and feeling like people are judging me. I sometimes feel like people think “look, lady, what did you do to your kid to make it so he won’t talk?” It’s not like I constantly crave approval from other people, and a lot of the time I really don’t care what people think, but some days when we are out I just feel really crummy about what other people say or how they act, and that makes me question and doubt myself all over again. I really have to talk myself out of those pits. I get so upset sometimes when I think of all the neglected children who can talk better than my “baby” and we have done everything we can think of and spend so much time working with Arden and his speech and he it is so hard for him.
I also can relate about being impatient. I am one of the most impatient people I know-when I get something in my head I am like a dog on a bone until the problem is solved…and it is hard when it is something as important as my own son and his communication that there isn’t a quick fix or no matter how hard we work it just seems we are stuck in the slow lane! I know, some things take time….but who wants to wait? :-)
Where is the instruction book to parenting and I would also like the whole manual on communication problems please!!!
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| posted by Rhonda on 04/14/2008 06:03 PM
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