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| Kids with speech delay |
| Public online group |
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Hi my name is Jaimie and we jsut found out that our lil girl has a speech prob and my hubby is not taking it to good. It doesn't really bother me that much because I know that there is help out there for her and I have also been told that i have a speech prob and had to go threw years of therpy. But i am having a hard time getting my hubby to accept that she can't talk and she needs the help. But he can't think of his little girl haveing something wrong with her. He gets so frustrated in her that he will yell at her and make her cry and i have to take him in the other room and tell him he needs to calm down and apoligize to her, and then I go out and calm her down and tell her that is is all right and that daddy is not mad at her. But he dose get frustrated at her and I think that it might also be slowing her speech down. But yesterday she said no for the first time and today she said milk once today and I have not been able to get her to say it again but I go at her paece right now since we are not in theripy lessons right now. but we will be starting them up in may. if anyone has any suggestiongs on this prob i would greatly apperciate them.
Jaimie |
| Posted by JAIMIE on 04/02/2008 11:09 PM
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hey jamie- im new to this group too! i was so excited to find some support for children w/ speech needs. Just reading previous posts have been helpful, finding out what others have been through.
Let me tell you a little about my situation--- i just got married in january- my husband has full custody of his son, who just turned 4. The birth mom is no where in the picture so when i got married i became a wife and a full time mom in one moment. i stay at home w/ (we call him) little doug. So im new to being a mom.
When i met little doug a year ago when he just turned 3-- he said "daddy" and screamed as his only form of communication. i immediatly thought there was a problem and started doing some internet research- physical and genetic disorders didn't line up w/ little doug. (like you we are waiting for speech therapy and testing) So a year ago when i started talking to my husband, Big doug, about little's problems i found him to be extremely touchy about the subject. I later found that my husbands reaction was based out of his manhood. Bc his son wasn't "normal" it was a reflection of his failure as a father- which is not true. He couldn't help this! we believe little dougs speech delay is from his birth mother's drug and alcohol use during pregnancy. Anyway- i think your husbands reaction is probally normal for most men- i even still have to approach the subject of speech therapy gently. Basically i told big doug, "i need help, to help our son." rather than just, "our son needs help." rephrasing the statement that way seemed to put more focus on me than his son. And of course my husband wants to help me- so he is son supportive of my seeking of information and resources for little doug.
i hope this message isn't too disjointed or hard to understand.
So i know what you mean- how your daughter said, "milk" but wont say it again.
little doug did that a lot when he first started talking. one year ago my friend swore she heard little doug said, "green" and so i pressured little doug to repeat the word- he wouldn't for six more months. but me hearing that he MIGHT have said green started a spark of hope in me. I was determined to help little doug speak. Little doug, really, just started talking about 9months ago. his first words started as an accident- me and doug started singing- and little doug was copying us from the backseat of the car- me and doug looked at each other in shock! then we said, "momma" and he would say, "moe-ma" and so forth- he said bout 15words that night-- but they were just sounds to him, not words, bc they had no meaning at that time.
I know that my husband LOVES his son, but his lack of communication drove him nuts! doug got frusterated and yelled- and i think it hindered little's communication bc it would shut him down. almost like little doug wanted to communicate- but was afraid to say or do the wrong thing.
so i kind of have to give big doug a look or quietly say something to calm his tone of voice. even though we hae only been married 2months- little doug speaks so much more to me than he does his daddy. maybe bc he feels more comfortable w/ me and i dont get frusterated and do try my best to understand him.
While we are waiting on speech therapy i didn't know what to do-- i didn't find too many resources online to help w/ what to do until we can get therapy.
so i decided to take little doug to play groups and to the park, and church day care, and gymnastics class, library story time--- being around other kids challenges little doug to try new words and communication. He also learns a lot from the other kids. i also read to him 20min a day (at least), and do flash cards. its hard. its hard not to get frusterated sometimes bc i know little is trying his hardest.
little doug probally says 30-40 words. i think thats amazing compared to 9months ago he said one word. everyday he's learning more w/ better retention and usage.
for us, getting little doug involved w/ kids his age (and a little older) has helped a lot. i hope this was helpful. im just learning myself. i also hope this message wasn't too disjointed or hard to understand.
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| posted by emily on 04/04/2008 11:09 AM
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emily thanks for your response. it sounds like you were handed a platefull all at once. lil doug sounds like he is really smart. I was told by my collage speech proff that if you make up flashcard and tape them to the walls and to the items in your home that you use everyday it will help to conccetthe word to the thing that the kids are trying to say and this can become very usful later when you start trying to teach him how to spell. my lil girl summer can say about 20 words but she can not prounce the first sylible of the word that she is trying to say. Summer will also talk more to me then she dose to her dad and I thinks that may bc she is around me more then she is her daddy, aslo bc i am more relaxed with her. If you need some more ideas please let me know and i can try to answer them. But be careful with the playgroups with the older children bc they may start to make in front of him and it might shut him down or he can get frustrated by not being able to say what his friends are saying. but i would deffiantly look into the speech testing and theripy, i know that it is really expinseve, but it is worth it to get him some help b4 he starts school, because they might end up putting him in a special needs class and if speech is his only prob he might not need to be in the class. I am sad to learn the his bmom used drugs while carring him and if speech is his only prob then he is very luckey. I would like to hear more about lil doug, he sounds like he is a cool kid.
jaimie |
| posted by JAIMIE on 04/04/2008 05:30 PM
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Hi Jaimie! I totally know how you feel. I can relate b/c my husband and I have been down the same road. What helped us was attending his speech therapy appointments together. It allowed my husband to ask ?'s and concerns that he had regarding our son. When he comes home from work at night I tell him all the things that Aidan did that day, or may have said to put a smile on his face. I also print stuff off the internet and show him so he feels like he's a part of things. It also educates us on what our son may be experiencing. Just tell your husband to try really hard to not get frustrated with her. Little kids want so badly to make their mommy and daddy happy. And whenever she does say something make a huge deal out of it. I jump up and down, and clap, and do a dumb dance every time my son says something. I feel like an idiot, but he loves it, and it puts a huge smile on his face! Now I even have my husband doing it!
Everything will fall into place for you guys :) |
| posted by Erin on 04/05/2008 12:20 PM
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Hi Jaimie. I think no one wants to admit their child has a problem or a hard time with something…we just have to as parents so we can help them. My son was having some problems for a while and one night my husband decided to try something new. Every time my son said a word wrong my husband said “no, try again” in a stern voice. I let it go for 2 or 3 times, then told him to stop. When he didn’t stop I was so angry I told him I would pack the boys and leave. He stopped and later told me he was just feeling very frustrated and he just thought maybe that approach would help since how we are normally wasn’t working. We talked through it, and luckily, he tries to be supportive of our son. For me, the hardest thing was to get him to open up and admit we needed to get him some help. That heart to heart talk was hard to get to, but the best thing we ever did.
I am so happy to hear she has said a few new words! That is wonderful and always so exciting when that happens around here. It is hard to be patient with my son sometimes, but I love it when a new word pops out. I get almost as excited as I did the first time he said “mama”
I agree with what Erin said about trying to make “daddy” feel like a part of what is going on. I always casually mention things I have read or tell my husband “on my message bored someone mentioned…” He doesn’t have the time to sit down and read all the stuff, but I want him to know as much as I do, so I do everything I can to “keep him in the loop.” I try to start with talking about positive things about Arden, then just slip in a speech issue, then back to the positive. He knows I love our sons more than anything, but I think it is helpful when I start and end with positive. He doesn’t get his defenses up and knows I’m not saying bad things about the thing he is the most protective over.
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| posted by Rhonda on 04/10/2008 05:33 PM
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