|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Step Families / Blended Families |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
| I am currently dealing with a new situation regarding my 13 year old step daughter. On Sunday night she called the home crying and very upset, so upset most of her speech was incoherent, however my husband was able to make out that she wanted him to pick her up. He went to get her and to make a long story short she is currently with us and this move may be permenant because she says she does not want to return to her mother and stepfather. I am the mother of a 6 month old and therefore don't know "what to do with" a 13 year old! She has been exhibiting some negative and not age appropriate behaviors lately and frankly I am scared out of my mind in taking on this HUGE responsibility. My husband works 2nd shift so therefore I will be mostly left to "parent" on my own. I also think that the birth mom will not want the child to move in with us because (1) she doesn't really like me that much (2) she has let the child run wild but wants to blame everyone else for the problems that occur and (3) she will be losing child support. I am doing a lot of praying and trying to take things one day at a time. Please give me any advice you can! Thank you! |
| Posted by Tiffany on 04/19/2007 03:18 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
I wish that I had a great nugget of advice for your situation. The only thing I can say is that parenting a 13 year old is difficult but with your faith, family, and friends (along with us on the net) I am sure you will do a great job. There is no magic cure-all or potion that will make this transition any easier.
I would do a couple of things to prepare myself in this situation.
1. read the court order for custody and visitation
2. don't stop child support payments without a court order if you are court ordered to pay.
3. start researching lawyers just to be prepared
4. come to an agreement with your DH (darling hubby) regarding your SD, your rules, your resonsibilities
5. make sure you plan time for just yourself and your baby
Just because a child wants to live with the other parent doesn't make any of this any easier. I am so sorry you are going through this right now.
|
| posted by Tonya on 04/22/2007 06:45 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Thanks for the advice and support! |
| posted by Tiffany on 04/23/2007 01:11 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| There has been another change in the house! After being bribed by her mother with a new phone and laptop my SD decided she wanted to return home. I believe it also has something to do with the rules that we set up for her. She was not a prisoner of the home but we did expect her to do her homework, no fighting in school, do the dishes, clean her room, and be off the phone by 10. I didn't think they were too harsh but I guess when you come from a home with no rules, any rules are bad! I believe we could have been a positive turn in her life and help her get back on the right track. She is too young to be hanging out without supervision and staying up on the phone all night. My husband is very angry and hurt by this. I haven't seen him cry in awhile but he did shed some tears last night. The mother only wants her back so she can continue to receive child support. As soon as the child messes up again she will blame my husband and say that the child needs to be at our house. Even if he goes to court for custody with my SD age she will have the opportunity to say where she wants to live and I know that will not be our house because we will always have rules for her. We are not trying to be her friend, we are suppose to parent her. We only want what is best for her and she just doesn't see that right now. My husband is really hurting and I honestly don't know how to comfort him. |
| posted by Tiffany on 04/24/2007 09:14 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| What state are you guys in? what does the Child Custody and Visitation order say regarding custody? Is this a 50/50 case? Have you heard of SPARC? |
| posted by Tonya on 04/24/2007 11:40 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| We are in Virginia. They have shared custody with really no visitation order;visitation is open. No I have not heard of SPARC. What is it? |
| posted by Tiffany on 04/24/2007 12:13 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Well first I would go to the SPARC website and educate yourselves a little bit. http://www.deltabravo.net/ this site is SPARC, the Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center. This website has a time tracker to show the court how much time is actually spent with the kids, it has a chat area to bounce ideas, and a TON of great helpful information.
Then with this information I would have your DH go back to court and have a firm parenting plan and visitation agreement written. As it stand if this is not firm he doesn't really have a leg to stand on. Most states have you go to mediation first and they try to get the parents to work it out and then file it with the court as to not waste the court's time and money arguing. |
| posted by Tonya on 04/26/2007 11:14 AM
|
|
|
|
|
I have a few different things to add.
1. Think about the age of the child, she at a confused and rebellious age! Living with two sets of parents can be hard. She is playing games and it sounds like your husband needs to have a talk with the mother and set rules that she can't play both sides this way. If it allowed for her to do so she will only continue, when she doesn't get her way in one home she will play the game of breaking emotions of her parents by wanting to leave them.
I say this from my own experience, my parents were seperated and I played this game. Now looking back I realize it was a horrible things to do. REally I was crying out for help. I wanted them to take the time to be together in parenting me, even though it didn't happen I played them till I ended up on my own, pregnant at a young age.
2. My brother has a teenager who lives with his mom, this mother does not know the first things about children. He has started this also back and forth game. I advise my brother to tell his son that if he were to come and live with him there would be rules laying them out. And if he chose to move back the house would not be open to him again for this teenager to move in and out as he pleases.
Teenagers need to be taught what they can get away with and what they cannot! Keep the faith, you won't be lead the wrong way with supporting your husband just follow your heart. |
| posted by Tina on 05/03/2007 05:20 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
