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| First Time Moms |
| Public online group |
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| I am hoping dearly that I am not the only women that has experienced this. My boyfriend sems to think I am. Our baby is 13 weeks. Of course at 6 weeks post baby my boyfriend was ready to play. Now I am sure although he lies (not very well I might add) and says he understands, while have adult tantrum, he does not understand. He has mentioned in a heated discussion that I should to talk to other ladies, he is sure that I will find that I am supposed to have sex because he NEEDS it. Ok I dont want to because my body does not seem to respond to his advances I am sure my hormones are still not right, we live in my cousins house who are right across the hall, our baby co-sleeps, and I am always tired. I am a full time student, between the two of us I am the main care taker, maid, and liason between the rest of the family in the house. I also feel pressured. Affection and/or romance equals sex to him. Nothing less. I could really use some feedback, advice, and suggestions to get it through to him. |
| Posted by Kanisha on 03/12/2008 10:57 AM
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| you are not the only one...my son is 1 and i still feel like that at times...i understand excatly how you feel...your body is still getting back to normal and it takes a while some longer then others...let him know there are other women at there that feel this way and it is normal...by husband hates it that i am never in the mood but i am always tired...i too go to school full time, work part time (at nights) and am the main caregiver for our little one...i wish i had more suggestion for you but keep your head up and know you aren't the only one...good luck |
| posted by Amanda on 03/12/2008 11:08 AM
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| OMG! My daughter is going to be 1 on easter and we still have this conversation once a day. It drives me crazy!! I go to bed most nights wondering what I am going to have to do to distract him from trying to have sex. Honestly if they would just lay off a bit it would make it more enjoyable to have sex. I don't want to now because it's expected... I am so tired when I actually get to lay down and sleep that sex just isn't on the top of my list and to know that it's all they think about the minute we have 10 seconds alone kills the mood instantly. So, you are not alone and I feel your pain. Good luck! |
| posted by Christine on 03/12/2008 12:38 PM
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| I agree that it take time to get your boby back to normal(or at least some semblance of normal). I would like to offer another way to look at this though. I have read before that men tend to equate love and intimatcy with sex. Women on the other hand want sex more when they feel closer to their mate, which is usually though romance. I know it is hard to get in the mood, but 90% of it is mental. Maybe when you know he is going to want to have sex, you could think back to what made you attracted to him sexually before you had a baby. Maybe by thinking back to that, it will get you in the mood now. If you can continue this, then through sex, he will feel closer to you, and may be more willing to help you, and be intimate emotionally, not just physically. Of course, I would wait till your body is ready for sex before doing anything. |
| posted by Casey on 03/12/2008 12:55 PM
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| Thank you so much ladies!! |
| posted by Kanisha on 03/18/2008 09:47 AM
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| I'm with you too. I didn't feel like sex at 13 weeks. My son is alomst 11 months old and I'm tires, not happy with my body, and frankly NEVER in the mood. I do however know that men are different, so while my husband asks for sex often and I DO turn him down, I sometimes will say OK and surprise him. While I may not be in the mood, if I just give in we both have fun and I DO feel better when the deed is done. He's also more willing to help me with specific requests (ie doing the dishes or grocery shopping). I hope this helps. |
| posted by Liz on 03/18/2008 11:58 PM
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| Def. not the only one. Our son is 13 weeks and we still have not fooled around. Starting to get him to sleep in the bassinet more and eventually in his crib. I dont think it will happen until he is not in the room with us. Although I am scared it will hurt since this is my first I am starting to get more comfortable with the idea of trying. Hopefully he will lay off a little bit after you show him you are not the only one. They just dont understand. Good luck! |
| posted by Nichole on 03/20/2008 09:34 AM
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Keep communication as open and intimate as you can about how you're feeling and what you're mind is telling you about sex right now.
And to be honest, sometimes the more you do, the more you'll want to do.
The co-sleeping will interrupt especially if you don't have other times of the day or places where you could be together. Seeing as you typed "maid"...instead of "home maker" or some other word, sounds like you're feeling a bit uncared for and neglected as a woman. Address it first...and have patience with yourself as well as with your man...talk to him openly and unargumentatively about this. |
| posted by Kelly on 03/22/2008 10:39 PM
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| I am so glad to see this topic come up. I delivered my first child jan. 2008. My husband and I couldnt wait until our six weeks was over so we could start having sex again. Well now it's been almost 9 weeks since our baby was born and it's like sex is the last thing on my mind. I just cant seem to get in the mood and it really frustrates me because my husband and I used to go at it like no tomorrow even when I was pregnant. I dont know what the deal is with me. |
| posted by Holly on 03/25/2008 11:00 AM
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