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| First Time Moms |
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| my daughter will turn 1 this week and she started getting temper tantrums a few months ago. anyone have advice on how to handle them? she goes from 0-90 in .5 seconds. my pediatrician recommended not trying to distract her with things but to let her "work it out" and when she stops throwing her fit THEN to change the subject/continue playing etc. my problem with that is sometimes it works but mostly it just makes it worse! |
| Posted by melanie on 03/10/2008 11:46 AM
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The purpose of a temper tantrum is for kids to get what they want, when they want it (that could be anything...wanting attention, to wanting a toy). The easy solution is to simply not give them what they want (during the tantrum). For example, let them tantrum (ignore it), and when they are finished and calm, give them what they want (positive attention, toy. etc.).
If it's just attention she wants, make sure she knows she gets positive attention when she is calm (over-exaggerate the praise..."You are being such a good girl when you are quiet!"). Remember, too, that negative attention (yelling, telling her to stop) is still attention...she will be satisfied with that. Ignoring the behavior (called exinction) is the best solution. If it's an item she wants, encourage her to communicate in some way for it...pointing or using words. If she is in a store, for example, and she is throwing a fit because she wants to leave, DON'T LEAVE. She will know that having a tantrum, wherever she is, will get her to go home.
You've read baby articles and things....you know that around this age babies are connecting cause and effect. You daughter probably mastered that skill when it comes to objects (push the button, music plays), but now she is developing social skills and learning cause and effect with people, especially mommy. Make sure her "cause" (tantrums) does NOT get the "efffect" she is looking for.
Good luck! Let me know if you have any other specific questions...I have a background in behavior management and love helping other parents have a happy household... |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 03/10/2008 03:10 PM
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| sorry...I misspelled "extinction"... |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 03/10/2008 03:11 PM
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| I have similar problems with my toddler. I try not to give her attention during her tantrums at home. When she does it in public I really just want to calm her down. I feel like a bad parent (or that people will think I am) if I let her "show out" in public. |
| posted by Keshia on 03/10/2008 11:36 PM
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A good way to prevent a tantrum is to also make your expectations clear beforehand. Tell your child where you're going (ex. "We are going to the store today."), what is going to happen ("We are going to shop and then wait in line."), and what you expect from her ("We say quiet in a store. There is no screaming."). Talk to her throughout your outing ("We are going to get milk, then eggs, and wait in line quietly.") and let her know what is going to happen next ("First we are going to pay the lady, and then go home."). Keep the surprises to a minimum...it's a big world out there and a lot for a LO to take in....
Don't forget to praise as you go...even 1 minute of good behavior deserves praise... |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 03/11/2008 11:38 AM
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