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| Parents of Toddlers |
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| I need some advice on my son's biting problem. He is 2 1/2 and has been biting for about 7 months now. We have tried positive reinforcement for good behavior, time-out, talking to him about how he is hurting his friends, taking priveleges away, appropriate spanking, and yes - the last resort that I said for months I wouldn't resort to - biting him back. Has anyone ever had a child continue biting after all of these methods have failed? Any suggestions on what works for a stubborn toddler? |
| Posted by L Mom on 03/09/2008 11:57 PM
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| I asked my mom what she did and several other moms and they said you take them by their arm and you bite them back and tell them now thats what it felt like when you bit (?).My mom said that my brothers never bit another child.The other moms told me the same thing. |
| posted by Lexi on 03/10/2008 04:04 PM
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| Thanks for responding, Lexi. That's pretty much what my husband has done (and said) twice now, but for some reason, it hasn't worked for us like it does for others. Several other people who told us to bite him back also said that their child never did it again. I don't know why it didn't work on our son. |
| posted by L Mom on 03/11/2008 10:36 PM
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L Mom, in trhe online Book Club for this site we just got done reading the Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting by Brett Berk, he is an early childhood educator and speaker, on biting this is what he says,
"Biting usually happens when a child is on a developmental cusp and they find themselves overwhelmed by a social situation and without the appropriate words to express their frustration or anxiety.As usual it is your response to the biting that creates meaning for them. Obviously biting is not acceptable and should strongly be prohibited but if it happens try to divest from your gut reaction and discuss it with your toddler, and be specific on other actions that are acceptable instead of the biting."
So is there something new or out of the ordinary going on? Has he started something new? Also appropriate things to do instead of biting could be....instead of biting someone why not hug a bear (or I suppose since it will not hurt the stuffed animal bite the animal) I will try to think of some other appropriate behaviors but I would again try to figure out why he is biting and if you can take care of that situation maybe the biting will stop. |
| posted by Kyleen on 03/12/2008 09:12 AM
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Hi L Mom
My son was a biter for months from the time he had his first tooth! He seems to have grown out of it though. I think some of it has to do with the reaction which turns it into a game. Did you react strongly to it when he first started? My son loved to bite me because i found it hard not to react to the stings of those sharp little teeth but he never bit his dad! |
| posted by Afihtan on 03/13/2008 12:41 AM
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When it started 7 months ago, he was going through a change in daycare rooms and teachers. (I used to work outside of the home.) He was also a little behind on his speech at that time. All of that certainly adds up to enough stress on a toddler to make him want to bite. But he has not had any major changes in the last few months and is talking in sentences. So the habit got started under some of the usual suspect conditions, but now that everything is relatively calm, we still can't break him of it. He at least does it much less often now - about once a month. But even that much is completely unacceptable.
As far as getting a big reaction goes, he still gets that everytime because he doesn't bite me or my husband, he bites other toddlers. Naturally, they are going to cry. If that is what he is looking for, I don't know how we will ever stop it. I think he just can't control his impulses in certain situations - like when he's fighting over a toy. If I just keep him away from kids altogether, he will never learn the proper way to interact with others.
This is so humiliating and frustrating. Most of the other parents judge us for this and assume that we must not be trying hard enough to make him stop. Then there are others that judge us for spanking or biting him back. We can't win.
Thank you all for your responses.
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| posted by L Mom on 03/13/2008 10:54 PM
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| L Mom I am so sorry to hear about all of this and please do not be embarrassed, parenting is hard and a toddler who is asserting his independance can be even harder, I hope that you recv'd some suggestions from the other moms to try and please always know that this is what this group is really for.....never be embarrassed in this forum. thanks and good luck |
| posted by Kyleen on 03/14/2008 03:40 PM
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| my son was a biter for the last few months he is now 22 months old and finally is biting rarely but still has attempted to all I did was say no bite and tell him to say sorry and he would repeat and say owwie no bite and he finally has calmed down on the biting not saying he wont do it again. ha ha |
| posted by Bridget on 03/21/2008 12:09 AM
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