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| Raising Boys |
| Public online group |
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I have a 13 month old who has decided to not be my delightful loving child that I have come to know over the last couple months. i am aware that this is a stage but I also know that he is testing me and the way i respond will greatly mold him in the futre so i want to do it right!!!! this is my current system
I give a stern no
ignored
spat on the hand
laughed at
3 spankings on behind
This will make him mad and lead to a retaliation (i.e a thrown sippie cup)
Timeout for 2 minutes in crib, alone in room
I feel like this works but i do not want to constantly be spanking and putting my son in timeout does anybody have any better ideas or creative solutions??????
Also we will be having our second child at the end of April does anybody have any ideas to get him ready? |
| Posted by whitney on 03/05/2008 02:35 PM
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| I am interested to see the responses you get. My son is also 13 months and he's doing his defiant, tempertantrum things now too. Though I have been blessed he Hates when we change the tone in our voices and raise the volume a little. He turns on the whole dramatic full out lip down from hysterical cry. Sorry I don't have any advice. |
| posted by Monica on 03/05/2008 05:24 PM
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| Your son is very cute...I know this age is challenging but isn't it kind of fun to see their little personalities come out! Sometimes my husband and I have toleave the room because its so funny to watch him get all flustered! |
| posted by whitney on 03/05/2008 05:28 PM
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| you are right, don't spank him all the time, nut keep saying no... and pick a spot to have him calm down. supper nanny said leave him there, and if he gets up put him back there and make no eye contact with him. when he feels you are not listening, he may get the picture that u r not buying the tantrums. |
| posted by sheyla on 03/06/2008 09:11 AM
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| my son is about the same age as yours and is doing the same thing...we have found that if we say no and then ignore the fit many times he stops because he sees he doesn't have our attention and that is what he wants...this doesn't always work so when the ignore doesn't work we do the time out thing...we only do a minute time out because that is what our doctor said to do...he also said not to but him in his crib or his high chair he always uses because he will associate it with being bad and we might have a hard time getting him to use them...so we brought a cheap booster seat we put him in...it seems to work...we were doing the slap on the hand but he seemed to think then it was okay to hit and we had a problem with hitting so we stopped...i hope this helped... |
| posted by Amanda on 03/06/2008 11:53 AM
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so young and already tantrums oh no, well i think the time outs to himself are the best you can do for now, we had a special pack and play that we used only for time outs that way he couldnt get out and play with anything and i didnt have to worry about him getting hurt it worked for us but it definitely doesnt make them stop.
as for getting ready, well we got trent a baby doll to play with show him the type of stuff that babies need but he was also older, the only thing you really need is once the baby is there he still gets his special attention |
| posted by sinikka on 03/09/2008 09:44 PM
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Hi Whitney, trust me, I feel your pain...I have a very active, self-assured, 19 month (going on 15yr) old son who has taken to tantrum throwing from time to time when he doesn't get his way. I firmly believe in the “ignore, and then calmly enforce positive behavior” approach. I would ask you to consider removing the spankings. I myself am very anti-spanking, and have been doing lots of research on the topic as of late because of another Posting I read on this site advocating the behavior. In the latest American Baby Magazine there was an article on spanking your child titled “What’s Wrong with A Little Swat?”
It reads:
“Some parents think its ok to swat a kid on the hand or the bottom. After all, many of us got spankings, and we turned out just fine, right? It’s not as simple as that, experts say. First off, as your child grows, that little swat won’t stop him, and your aggression will have to escalate. Also, children learn by imitating us, so if you hit, they’ll come to learn that hitting is an acceptable way to deal with frustration. Finally, hitting doesn’t truly teach anything. Sure, your child may listen, but that’s out of shock and fear. Instead, you want him to develop an inner sense of right and wrong, and hitting simply doesn’t teach that.”
A firm NO, and then ignore the tantrum, then a time-out if necessary. This seems to help with our son...hope it helps you out too. :)
Take Care, Lauren
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| posted by on 03/12/2008 04:24 PM
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Hi Whitney
Like Lauren I also have a 18 month old toddler going on teenager who has his occasional tantrum. He does seem to go from calm to explosive in 1 second when he really wants to do/have something we decided he should not. I agree the best to ignore as much as possible and try to divert the attention to something positive. It's actually quite funny sometimes the way he would be so mad one second then laugh at something or pay attention to music that cuaght his attention -- then a few minutes later remember he was supposed to be "tantrumming" and start again.
It's frustrating while it occurs but the less you acknowledge it the quicker it passes. |
| posted by Afihtan on 03/13/2008 12:27 AM
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I didn't read through everyone else's, so sorry if this repeats anything already said.
It's normal for your 13 month old to be exhibiting his independence and frustrations. I've heard and read that spankings work best for a child between the ages of 2 and 6. Something about their level of understanding the spanking as a 'consequence' and not just a reaction from mom or dad. So, with our 18 month old, when he retaliates and shows me he's upset (and he's not talking, so he doesn't have words..only actions, remember) I make sure to address it once VERY firmly with expression and then ignore him. So far, it's working for me.
The more of a big deal I make of it and keep at him and at him, the worse he gets and then I get angry and make poor choices as a mom.
Hang in there! I can tell you love your son very much and want what is best for him. Choose your battles wisely and don't give up! |
| posted by Kelly on 03/21/2008 01:36 PM
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