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| Parents of 'Difficult' Children |
| Public online group |
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Hello everyone:
I have just joined the site and came across this group, I thought that it was applicable to what I am going through with my son. He is 18 months old and for the past 2 months he gets very upset around other children.
He has been in gymboree since he was 10 months and now it is impossible to bring him there! He runs away from any age child that approaches him and typically will start crying uncontrollably. Sometimes he can be calmed down enough to stay by me and wave 'hello' and just watch, but he usually wants to leave immediately.
Since I am new to this area, I just try to bring him to places where there are other children, but this behavior seems to be getting no better with time and exposure. The more children there are the worse it is, so I thought that perhaps a smaller playgroup or a one-on-one playdate would better suit him.
My heart is breaking that he is not able to enjoy other children. I desperately want to find way to give him opportunties, but not constantly have us both on edge!
Any suggestions are REALLY appreciated :)
Thanks,
Kim
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| Posted by Kimberly on 04/14/2007 01:17 PM
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Hi Kimberly,
welcome to the group.
With your son I will definetly try playdates with only one child with whom it could be confortable and slowly introduce him to larger group.
There are also a lot of adults who don't function well in large group the only difference is that they can express their disconfort.
It is always better to be in a situation in which you and your child are relaxed.
Vero |
| posted by Vero on 04/16/2007 03:35 PM
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I am having similar issues with my daughter who is now 26 months. My mother takes care of her during the day so she's not getting any interraction with other children. I have scheduled a few playdates for her and they go fairly well if it's only one other child. On the occasions where we have gone to a playcenter with several other children the results were disastrous. I know it's important to keep up the playdates but at the same time I find myself avoiding doing those things because I don't want to deal with the tantrum. Is there a happy medium? How do you deal with the outbursts when they happen? I find that I end up standing there like an idiot because I have no clue what to do. I've tried time out. I've tried taking her to another room to calm down. I've tried helping her if she gets too frustrated but this usually makes things worse as she is so independent and wants to do everything on her own. I've also tried talking calmly to her to see if I can help her de-escalate. Nothing seems to work short of completely abandoning the playdate and going home. My friend keeps telling me it will get better and to keep going to the playdates. However, I'm finding it harder and harder to do that.
We were looking forward to going to the park often this summer but the closer it gets and the more kids that come to the park, the worse the behavior is getting. Now I'm thinking of getting a swingset for home so we can avoid the park but my conscience is telling me that's not doing her any good either. I know the biggest trigger is that she just doesn't want other kids to play on the same thing she wants to play on. ie: if she wants to slide she wants to be the only one sliding. If there are other kids on the slide, she will go over to it and then throw herself down on the ground and scream and throw rocks. I have to say the tantrums push my patience to the limit. |
| posted by Kati on 04/25/2007 03:54 PM
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Kati:
Thanks for your response. It is always reassuring to know that you are not the only one that is going through a tough time!!
My son will either have a tantrum or just be very scared and clingy when approached by another child. I have always brought him around other kids and he always did really well up until a couple of months ago.
I try to go to quieter places with fewer children.....the more children, the worse it is and the less likely it is that he will relax and adjust. Like you said though, with the weather improving, the parks and playgrounds tend to be really busy. So, I have started going to them early as possible, I find that there are fewer people and it helps him relax.
I utilize positive discipline for handling tantrums, I assure him that it is okay to be upset, but that if he can't calm down that we will have to leave. It can be tricky, but I think that it is important to determine the cause behind the tantrum......that way you know whether you are reinforcing it or not.
I sympahtize with you and everyone with this problem so much. It makes me want to stay inside and I get so anxious when I go bring him to anything with other kids. It feels so isolating and nerve-racking!! But, I do believe that it is important to continue giving them opportunities to socialize, otherwise they will not learn how to behave appropriately. But, in the meantime, it is a difficult process to go through that is for sure!!
Kim |
| posted by Kimberly on 04/25/2007 07:38 PM
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It is nice to know that others are going through the same things. It seems when I go anywhere it's only my daughter that's throwing tantrums and all the other children are playing so nicely, and I wonder what I did wrong.
That's a good idea to go to the park as early as possible. During the week will be tough, as we both work full time so maybe the park will be saved as a treat for the weekends.
I know what get's Abbi going at playdates are one of the following:
1) Frustration level. She wants to do everything herself and wants no help from anyone even is she is not big enough to do what she wants. She also wants to do things immediately and is not willing to try, try again til she gets it right. It's all or nothing with her. I try to anticipate what she's going to get frustrated with and prevent it before she realizes I'm helping her. ie: She likes to drag her dollhouse around but it gets stuck on the carpet edges and she can't pick it up and carry it over the edge. So if I see her doing that and headed for the edge of the carpet, I quickly move the carpet out of her way. This might not be helping her as far as learning how to figure out problems but I'm sure she will get it someday and I won't have to do it forever.
2) Sharing/Taking Turns. She believes that if she is sliding she should be the only one sliding. She doesn't want other kids to do it too. This is something that's going to take alot of patience. I've read that the whole sharing/taking turns issue can be a problem until they're 4 yrs old so this is going to be a long haul.
3) Crowds and people getting in her space. Even though Abbi is very independent in alot of ways, she is also very insecure. She doesn't like strangers coming up to her and talking to her, pinching her cheeks, trying to pick her up, etc. etc. etc.
I will continue all I'm doing but it's great that we have this support to help us get through this difficult age. |
| posted by Kati on 04/25/2007 09:44 PM
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