|
|
| I'll tell you my jaw hit the floor here when I read what that stupid woman said to you! I think people who say those kinds of things, a lot of the time anyway, had their kids a long time ago, in which case I believe they either have very selective memories or are flat out lying. Pretty dumb on her part, when you think about it, saying something like that to a potential customer. You would think she would have enough professionalism, especially working on commission, to keep her personal comments to herself. Geez! But BRAVO to you. I thought you handled that situation brilliantly! I would have loved to have seen her face. :-) |
| posted by Tina on 02/25/2008 09:52 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| well he looked like she couldnt be more then 24 at the most but it was hard to tell with all the makeup. |
| posted by anneliese on 02/25/2008 10:01 PM
|
|
|
|
|
annaliese,
i have had so many instances of that happening to me. once i brought two of my kids to *cough nordstrom cough* and they took off to the employees section of the shoe dept (i was in the make up dept). so i had to hunt them down and have them sit at my feet while i attempted a transaction. this one lady kept giving me dirty looks and she called security on me. can you believe that? a day or so later my husband went there to by me a gift and guess who waited on him? and she was sweet as pie.
i have had so many instances of this. my son has some special needs issues so you can't imagine what i have had to go through. i hardly go out with them anymore, it is just not worth the nastiness!
|
| posted by mom on 02/25/2008 10:49 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| im sorry to hear that one of my nephews is autistic and another has adhd. we were at the mall one day and the one with adhd climbed over the railing on the second floor and we got soooo scared. so my sister is a hermit now. |
| posted by anneliese on 02/25/2008 11:01 PM
|
|
|
|
|
annaliese,
my son has been diagnosed as globally developmentally delayed by the school district. he is not retarded or autistic but behind about a year in everything. he has gotten a lot calmer, accept with potty training. i have been trying for 2 years (he is now 4 but essentially more like three).
fortunately the federal gov pays for kids with IEP's to go to preschool (for free) in the local school district. so he is getting a good education and they are helping me with potty issues. other schools would not even take him b/c of this issue.
it is so hard b/c i love him so much but it is difficult to go anywhere with him and to an outsider someone may assume i did something to him when he acts out, but i didn't.
i thank god i got the IEP. now i know it is nothing i did.
ok enough about me LOL. this is your thread, sorry for going on and on about my problems!!! |
| posted by mom on 02/25/2008 11:10 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I would have laughed in her face. What an Idiot! some people really need to think before they speak!! |
| posted by on 02/26/2008 08:56 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| OMG! My jaw hit the floor too!! |
| posted by Cinda on 02/27/2008 02:46 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Hi everyone. I'm new to the group and had to chime in after reading this post. It never ceases to amaze me the kahoonas some people have when it comes to expressing their opinions about our children and our parenting--not only when it comes to strangers, but people we know. I experienced this with a friend of a friend, whose child is a senior in high school. Although we're the same age, I currently have a one-year-old. I find that when we visit her that she is LONG on revisionist history and handing out unsolicited advice. One day while visiting, my baby was having a melt down for no apparent reason, as is typical for kids her age. My friend felt the need to lecture me on "spoiling her" and not picking her up when she has a meltdown (even though as soon as I did, she stopped crying). In that moment, my daughter just needed some comfort because she was in an unfamiliar environment and I sensed this. Other times, I will let her cry it out and self-soothe. The point is that in these types of situations, it is a judgment call that only a parent can make. I had to bite down on my tongue so hard that I thought it would bleed and fall out of my mouth because I remember when her son was a toddler and he would have meltdowns until she gave in to whatever demand he had--which she ALWAYS did. He also used to speak very disrespectfully to adults and she would look the other way. She has even said to me in the past that she and her husband were "afraid" of him now because he is an out-of-control teen who won't take no for an answer. Hmmmm. I wonder how he got that way? The point is that I held my tongue back then because I felt it was her decision on how she wished to raise her child. Like I said, her amnesia left me speechless, which is rare for me! Thankfully I didn't listen to her and I did what my instinct told me to do, which was the right thing to do for my child in that moment. Who do these people think they are kidding when they dole out advice and act like they had "perfect" children? Do they really think we don't remember how it really was? Kids express themselves through crying and screaming because they don't have the vocabulary. I wish people would support each other more and be real with one another, rather than judge and alienate. OK. I had to get that off my chest. |
| posted by on 03/01/2008 11:40 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Hi Patricia,
Welcome to the group! As you can tell, we're all a little gung ho about this topic. U know, my son was horrible yesterday on the plane. We were coming to Chicago to visit with family and we drove two hours to the ATL airport so we can take a direct flight, and we scheduled it during the nap time so that he would sleep and everyone would have a good flight. But, the flight got canceled and then they put us on a flight at 1:20 (our original flight was at 11:15) and they delayed that for an hour and a half. We kept my son up till 1:00 so that he would sleep on the plane, but after the delay, he couldn't take it any more and fell asleep. Well, anyway, the point is, he didn't sleep on the plane and he is 18 months old and asking him to sit for 2 hours in torture for him(and us)
After the beverage service, I let him walk up and down the aisle but after a couple times going up and down, the air hostess asked us to sit down in our seats. I didn't notice any of the other passengers getting disturbed because all my son was doing was walking up and down the aisle (okay, maybe I am being defensive), but I made sure he didn't pull anyone's drink or anything. So instead we sat in our seats where we couldn't control him and it was the MOST miserable journey with him! |
| posted by Lalitha on 03/01/2008 01:57 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Flight attendantd are absolutely rude when it come to children. There was something on Dr. Phil, this woman was traveling with her son, and he was almost two I think, and he kept saying bye bye plane, everyone around her thought it was actually cute, yet the flight attendant asked her to keep him quiet and make him stop saying that. when she asked the flight attendant just how she should go about doing that, the flight attendant replied bendedryl works wonders. Could you imagine someone telling you to drug your kid to keep them quiet. |
| posted by on 03/01/2008 02:02 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Hi, Patricia,
This makes me think of the old saying, "misery loves company." Although this person may never admit it, even to herself, she is probably aware of the mistakes she made with her son, and this could be attempt to make you feel as badly as she probably does. Children and parents are all human beings, and human beings aren't perfect. Therefore, there cannot possibly be such a thing as a perfect parent or perfect child. I really think a lot of the people who say such things are really just trying to make themselves feel better. You're right...I cannot understand either why there seems to be so much more judgment and criticism than support and honest talk. |
| posted by Tina on 03/01/2008 02:22 PM
|
|
|
|
|
you know patricia you hit it on the nose.
everyone else did not mind or was kind but it is that one person, that is all it takes. we as mothers are already at the end of our rope and whammo! someone just hits us in that vulnerable spot. no matter how nice everyone else may be, it is always that one that ruins it for us.
but how do we toughen up? we are so vulnerable ourselves dealing literally with our precious cargo (our kids).
listen this is my 10th year of this and it just never ceases to amaze me when that one person comes along and ruins the whole day.
glad you are with us
elaine |
| posted by mom on 03/01/2008 09:58 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Lalitha, thanks for sharing your story regarding the uptight flight attendant. It reminded me of the saying "the best laid plans...!" There have been many times I have tried to schedule my baby's nap time around a particular event like you did and she typically has other plans or something happens to shake all that good planning out the window. It must have also been such a miserable time for your child as well. Why not let him walk around supervised? There's no harm done. Christine, I think you are right when you said that this friend probably realizes the mistakes she's made and the whole misery loves company approach. I think that's why I was surprised and disappointed with the comment because I expected better from her and more understanding. She could see I was having a difficult time. I would support my friend in that moment, but everyone is different. I just wish I didn't have the expectation that mothers in particular should support each other, not compete, criticize or judge. Mom, I appreciate your comment. I can relate to what you say. My self doubt gets triggered easily these days, which I am working on, but all it sometimes takes is an insensitive comment or disapproving look and I start questioning my parenting. Sometimes, if it's a REALLY bad day, it wipes all the good things I thought I was doing! lol. It's so good to hear other moms sharing their stories here and supporting each other and I'm glad I joined this group. |
| posted by on 03/02/2008 08:53 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Lalitha, thanks for sharing your story regarding the uptight flight attendant. It reminded me of the saying "the best laid plans...!" There have been many times I have tried to schedule my baby's nap time around a particular event like you did and she typically has other plans or something happens to shake all that good planning out the window. It must have also been such a miserable time for your child as well. Why not let him walk around supervised? There's no harm done. Christine, I think you are right when you said that this friend probably realizes the mistakes she's made and the whole misery loves company approach. I think that's why I was surprised and disappointed with the comment because I expected better from her and more understanding. She could see I was having a difficult time. I would support my friend in that moment, but everyone is different. I just wish I didn't have the expectation that mothers in particular should support each other, not compete, criticize or judge. Mom, I appreciate your comment. I can relate to what you say. My self doubt gets triggered easily these days, which I am working on, but all it sometimes takes is an insensitive comment or disapproving look and I start questioning my parenting. Sometimes, if it's a REALLY bad day, it wipes all the good things I thought I was doing! lol. It's so good to hear other moms sharing their stories here and supporting each other and I'm glad I joined this group. |
| posted by on 03/02/2008 08:59 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| patricia, i totally agree with you. I tend to expect more from people who have had children than people who don't. i know there is what my doctor calls "mommy amnesia" which drives us mothers to go through having children multiple times, but COME ON!!!! how much can you really forget about being unsure of yourself all the time and the night waking and even if your child was the perfect angel and came out already having learned to sleep, read, write, walk, talk, listen and obey from birth, there is no friggin' way that it was easy! Can I change the saying Misery loves company to "Insecurity is misery" and I think a person who can admit that they are insecure and unsure but are willing to keep on going is doing teh best for their chlid. I know she sounds like a really good friend of yours, is there any way to have a conversation with her about it or i hate to say it, but I've phased out a couple of friends like that. we're still friends but i just don't see them as often b/c like elaine said, we are vulnerable and I for one have turned from a once reasonable and even tempered person to a person walking on the of a high wire. i don't even know what's going to set me off! elaine, are you trying to tell me that i am still going to be like this after 10 years! I think my husband is going to run away from home.... |
| posted by Lalitha on 03/03/2008 11:39 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Lalitha. You nailed it on the head. Insecurity really IS misery. I will NEVER forget what I've gone through this past year (and the years to come)--the good, the bad and the very ugly--and will be as honest and vulnerable as possible, especially to a new or not-so-new mother experiencing a particularly difficult time. Having a conversation with my friend would be like talking to a brick wall. Unfortunately, she's not the kind of person who is open for a heartfelt, honest exchange. She's probably forgetten that she even said it and would deny it, or (GASP), call me too sensitive! Like you, I've also had to phase out some friends. I still keep in touch with them, but not as often. The result has been that I have a few less friends, but more quality relationships. I have to do this for my sanity. I think that as women, we have to take care and nurture ourselves in whatever way and lead by example. By doing this, our children grow to have a strong sense of self, worrying less about what others think, do, say and have, and instead, follow their own heart. |
| posted by on 03/03/2008 12:26 PM
|
|
|
|
