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| Step Families / Blended Families |
| Public online group |
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I have the brady bunch...his two...my two and our one with one on the way...we have custody of all of them...with his kids going to thier mom's three weekends a month...when she takes them...
I feel like because I will always take care of the kids that it has become easy for his x to not take them when she should. I feel concerned that I am enabling her to be less of a parent to them which is hard on them when she does not follow through. She can be good with them when she tries, but lately it seems like I hear more excuses of why she can't see them, than how she can. Her daughter is 11 years old and is beginning to feel let down and angry over it all the time. Even so much that sometimes she doesn't want to see her mom even when her mom is going to take them...what do I do to help this situation and not enable it?
Meek |
| Posted by Meek on 02/20/2008 07:48 PM
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Meek, just from personal experiment Me and my ex have been divorced sense 1997, we have 4 children together and I ended up raising two and he ended up raising two. Each one of us has one that is out of the house now growing up, so now I have one and he has one.
Anyway the he has our 13 year old daughter and it we live in differ states so I see her ever chance I have and in the Summer and him the daughter that lives with me, It real hard for me to call her because I miss her so much but I know she need me to call her so I have to force myself. I love her and miss her so much that it hard to talk to her without feeling a lose every time I get off the phone. This could be the same case with the mother and talking to her about it my help if you are able to talk to her, let her know how the children are feeling. I hope this might help. KST |
| posted by Kellie on 04/22/2008 09:58 PM
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| thank you Kelli for your words. I realize that as I have been s step-mother prior. This is probably one of the most angry children I have come across in my 20 plus years of working with children. I love him and his father with all of my heart and don't plan on quitting with either of them...it just feels like I am making the effort just to be knocked down and there are days that I question whether I should just give in and let dad and son work it out but then I would be the boys doormat. His mother is alot like him. Very confrontational towards all people. She threatens people and tells the boy to do anything he can to get dad put in jail and me as well so he can go live with her. We don't want to keep him from her but it seems the time he spends with her makes him more abusive and out of control. |
| posted by Lana on 04/29/2008 10:09 AM
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There was a time that me and the children father was in the same spot you are with my ex living in fear about me, believing lies that I might try and take him to court if he has to disciplines the children, Over the year we have just tried to be patient and a lot of prayer and now we work together he still has some struggles,But when our daughter call him when she upset with my husband and she tell him she want to go live with him he tell her she is in the best place and that we can offer her more because of the state we live in compared to the state of Oklahoma, and we talk about the problems we may be having with behavior with the children and try and support each other. This has not happen over night lol Rome was built in a day, just keep praying and asking God for a peace of mine and the words to speak to there mother.My prayer are with you I know how hard it is to raise a blended family my step daughter is just now starting to see the true love that I have had for her in my heart but it was after she was 18 and ran off and got married two day later ,she was ten when I came into her life and her mother had abandon her when she was 5 and disapaired with her little sister thats 3 year old which she has not got to see sense.
So she didn't trust women and it was the hard time in my life to try and bring this family together and I could not do it alone only through God. God bless you and your family and my pray are with you. My step-daughter is now starting to see home much her step sister love and care for and is making a time to go visit with them. There is light at the end of the tonal hang in there. KST |
| posted by Kellie on 04/30/2008 01:17 AM
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| Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. We couldn't make it through one day nor night without our faith and God!!!!!That is the only thing that gets us through some days. With my other step children they were more open hearted to having someone in their lives that loved them unconditionally. You brought up anger towards women and the lack of trust...I am experiencing and am aware that that is a definite root of his behavior and I step gingerly most days due to that fact. You give me a hope that I was quickly loosing but I guess with a situation like ours it occassionally harbours difficult days...lol but Tommorrow is a new day as is assll tommorrows...right? God Bless you and your family and extra prayers for your daughter...Lana |
| posted by Lana on 04/30/2008 08:10 AM
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| Hi Meek, I have posted my problems with my husbands x on hear myself. Im not sure if im right about this. But the way i see it, is that you are doing everything you should be! I really do understand where your coming from. Its like this. The kids know who is and has been taking care of them. "who's being the mom" and doing the part and putting in all the hard work that go's along with it. Your SD sees all you do for her. Your there for her each and every time she needs you. And im sure its a lot with her mother letting her down. I think you should just keep doing what your doing. It sounds like your doing a great job! Im sure there will come a time where your sd will just be able to tell her biomom she dosnt want to go with her herself anyways. I dont think your an enabler. Your just doing what right for you step daughter. If its really to much to find the time to spend with your child in the frist place. It may be best she just stays home, safe with you anyways. Thats just what i think. Hope it helps. Your doing a great job! |
| posted by Jennifer on 09/07/2008 10:34 PM
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