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| Work at Home Moms |
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Hello everyone. I am hoping I can get some advice from some work from home moms. Is it really possible to do this without daycare and without eight hours of Elmo's World a day?
I have a great opportunity to work from home for one "employer" (though I'm still freelance, I won't have to work so hard to find jobs). The problem is I'm having trouble keeping up with the work he's already giving me b/c my daughter is home with me full time (unless her grandma can take her for a few hours here and there).
My little girl is 17 months old and a little on the needy side. Ever since she was tiny, she's been basically high maintenance. She was colicky. The only time she didn't cry up until she was three months old was when she was in her sling breastfeeding or being bounced on an exercise ball. After that I think she was just used to being held all the time. She needs constant input and stimulation. It's hard to talk to a client on the phone when you've got a toddler in the background going, "Uh. Uh. Uhhhhh!" then throwing herself on the floor to get your attention.
Any advice? Are there any other work from home mommies with high maintenance kiddos? |
| Posted by ktclick on 02/16/2008 08:47 PM
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| well, it doesn't sound like your work at home job is child friendly, and with my job I am able to set my own hours and be interactive while i'm working at the same time with my kids! We never have to worry because we are all moms, and each one of us understands if there is noise in the background. The only thing i can think of is to schedule certain hours you can work (like when your daughter is napping or at nighttime.) If you are unable to work this job while taking care of your daughter, i'd consider looking for another work at home job that is child friendly. I help moms work from home with The Mom Team, and I LOVE what i do. There are no huge investments, selling, parties, or stocking/shipping inventory. If you're interested in something different, or the job you currently have isn't working out, check out my website and request more info. at www.workingmommiesathome.com I wish you luck! Amberly- |
| posted by twinmommyathome on 02/16/2008 09:32 PM
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| I'm a big fan of behavior management (I'm not saying your LO has BAD behavior..."high mainenance" is just a plain behavior). Try getting that aspect of her under control so that you can add some control for yourself during the work day. |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 02/17/2008 08:32 AM
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| What do you mean by behavior management? |
| posted by ktclick on 02/17/2008 09:39 AM
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"a toddler in the background going, "Uh. Uh. Uhhhhh!" then throwing herself on the floor to get your attention"
It seems she is doing these things to get your attention....which inhibits you from getting work done. Here are a few things you can do.
a) ALWAYS set clear expectations. "When mommy is working, there is no screaming." Be clear and keep the "rule" short.
b) Have a consequence ready. "If you scream, you will have time out/there will be no toys/there will be no TV" (or whatever you decide to do/take away). If she does what you told her not to, follow through with the consequence. Consistence is the key. She needs to know you're serious, too, so giving several warnings isn't going to get the message across. I would carry out the consequence for a short period of time first (for example, the first time she screams, have a short time out..second time gets a longer TO, etc.)
c) You can also simply ignore that behavior (giving NO attention will show her that what she is doing isn't working, and then she will stop). *This one is the simplest and, believe it or not, the easiest for baby to understand.
d) Create times during the day that you do give her special one on one attention (lunch, story before nap time, changing times, etc.) Giving this special attention may (hopefully) satisfy her enough so that you can get work done during the other times. Make sure she knows that that time is just for her. Give extra hugs and kisses so she knows it's special. You can even call it "Baby's Time" (or whatever her name is). Call the other times "Mommy Time" or "Work Time".
e) Bring out a special (new) toy/movie JUST for mommy's work time. She should only get to play with it while you're working. She will end up looking forward to that toy/movie and actually let you get your work done! Remember that it's ONLY for work time. When you are done working, it gets put away (out of babies reach of course). You can also use this technique for car rides/doctor's waiting rooms/grocery stores/other boring-for-baby activities whe she gets older (different toy for each thing though)....works like a charm!
Either way, YOU need to be in control. Be consistent and firm. I'm not saying to yell at your daughter, but keep in mind, babies that young understand (or are learning to understand) emotion, tone of voice, and facial expressions. "No screaming" should be said in a different tone of voice than other things you say to her throughout the day. She will learn that that sound means business!
I have a background in behavior management, so if you have any questions or need more help along the way, please do not hesitate to send me a message. I'd be happy to help (besides, being a SAHM now, I kinda miss that part of my job).
Good luck!
ps. If you choose to ignore the behavior, then a consequence isn't necessary. Negative attention is still attention... |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 02/17/2008 10:11 AM
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| Just a note on letter C...if you're ignoring the negative behaviors, make sure you give attention for positive things she does, For example, when she IS playing quietly by herself, praise her for it! She will start to equate positive behavior with positive mommy attention. |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 02/17/2008 10:13 AM
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Thank you "first time mommy" for that great advise. I to find my self in the same situation. I conduct a Spanish learning playgroup for toddlers and preschoolers, and it takes alot of work to prepare my programs. My two little boys, ages almost 3 and 18 months are also very needy and constantly want/need my attention. The only time I seem to get any work done is during nap times and at night when everybody is asleep, and everybody suffers because the next day I am so tired from not getting enough sleep that I'm short tempered and lacking energy to keep up with house chores. So I will try your suggestions, and see how it works for me. I'll keep you guys updated. Gracias!!!
PS- If any of you mommies are interested in teaching your child a second language (Spanish), join my on-line group on this site: "We are Little Amigos". I'll be posting words/phrases of the day for you to practice with your little ones and share tips and advise to help you give the gift of a second language! (www.wearelittleamigos.com) |
| posted by Maribel on 02/17/2008 10:53 AM
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Thanks so much, First Time Mommy, for the advice. I will definitely incorporate these methods. I especially like the mommy time, baby time, work time as I am very schedule oriented. I like to keep things clear for her (and me). Prevents boredom. I'm like a talking clock - time for this or for that.
Maribel - I was also doing all my work during naptime/bedtime. It is a frustrating way to work - you DO get so burned out! Plus, it's not exactly the best relationship circumstances. I mean, I'm home working, but I'm not quite there for my husband in the evenings and he gets pretty lonesome. :) Good luck! |
| posted by ktclick on 02/17/2008 11:21 AM
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| You're all welcome. I'm glad I could help. Please keep me posted on how things are working/not working. Send me messages and I will try to "tweak" the plan so that it works for you and your family.... |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 02/17/2008 11:32 AM
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| For one, you need to break her of this high maintenance behavior, otherwise it'll never end. What you need to do is let her cry and let her learn that there's times that you'll pick her up and give her that positive attention, while when she's longing for the negative attention then you're going to not pay her any attention. This will be hard and take awhile, but it will work. The work at home deal does work, you just need to get your child under control for it to work. |
| posted by Jolene on 02/17/2008 12:32 PM
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I have some more specific questions for you First Time Mommy, if that's all right!
I did the "Mommy's Work Time" this morning and - it was so sad - my little one just could not figure out what was going on. She kept bringing me books, showing me things she thought were interesting, performing, singing - anything to get me to play with her.
(I will add there were no fits, though. Acting out, yes. The toy I gave her is this bucket of puff balls she likes to play with. I was having her move them from one bucket to the other. Instead of doing that, she started throwing them at me! I guess she was seeking some negative attention, huh? I ignored her and she stopped.)
What should I do when she is trying to entertain me by doing things I normally praise her for (the singing and dancing), or things I never say no to (reading her a book when she asks)? It was pretty disruptive. Is she, at seventeen months, too young for me to work while she's around? I feel like I'm damaging her self-esteem or something! |
| posted by ktclick on 02/19/2008 02:18 PM
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ktclick - First off, congratulations to you for taking the first step and sticking to it! I know it's hard, and it may be for a little while...but not forever. Behavior management is a big change for both mommy and child, and taking that step to change the outcome is a big one. So, hats off to you for heading off to a good start.
Now, to answer your question.... Try a "First/Then". For example, when she starts singing and dancing for you while you're working, simply say something like, "I like your dancing, but it's Mommy Work Time. First Mommy Work Time, then dancing time." Don't forget, when she is entertaining herself quietly during work time, praise her. Make sure she knows that what she is doing (playing quietly by herself) is good. Good behavior = positive attention. Unwanted behavior = no attention. ( I say "unwanted" because I don't like calling kids "bad". Kids aren't bad...sometimes the choices they make are.)
Anyway....You can also try having "Baby Time" right before "Mommy Work Time". Just reverse the "First/Then". By then, she may be bored with singing and dancing and want to move to something else.
Also, depending on how rigid you like your schdule to be (rigidity isn't for everyone), you could incorporate timers. Personally, I like them as a last resort. That, and it's more suitable for older kids (I'd say maybe 2+ yrs.). If that's something you think you need, ask me about it and I'll give some advice...
Again, good for you for starting a plan...and even more kudos for being consisten with it! In my work at home business, there's a saying..."The plan works, IF you work the plan!" It's true! Keep up the good work, mom! |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 02/19/2008 04:36 PM
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ktclick - I have a question for you I never asked! I'm so sorry! How many hours during the day are you trying to work with her around? If you're talking a huge chunk at a time, as opposed to an hour here and there, I may have other suggestions...
Let me know...thanks! |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 02/19/2008 04:39 PM
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| I am a stay at home mom of 2 kids under the age of 3! I have a 2 month old baby girl and a 2 year old little boy! So, for me, it was nearly impossible for me to even think of working outside of the home, paying for pricey childcare. Not to mention, I just wanted to be the one there for my kids, and raise them myself! I finally found an incredible and legitimate company that has blessed my family in so many ways, and I am so passionate about everything about it! I LOVE helping others be home with their kids too! Check out my site to request more info. at www.mommyworkingathome.net |
| posted by Gen on 07/03/2008 02:51 PM
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