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| Need to Vent Group |
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| Today, I took my 2-year-old with me to the library to pick up some materials I had placed on hold. After chasing her all over the first floor of the library and finally catching her, she did not want to leave, and started screaming her head off as I was trying to carry her out the door and dropping books all over the place. After we walked out, she wanted to play in the grass. I was in a hurry so I picked her up to try to put her in the car. She starts screaming her lungs out again, sliding out of the car seat. It took nearly 5 to 10 minutes to get her in the seat and strapped in. In the midst of this, I let out a few expurlatives and said "Danielle, shut up," a few times, not loudly. An old man drives by in the parking lot, sticks his head out the window, and says something to me, although I couldn't make it out. Then I get into my seat and about to drive away when I look up and see about 5 or 6 people standing by the front doors looking at me. Now I'm not proud of the cursing or any of that, but sorry, I am human! I work from home so she and I are together around the clock and it does get frustrating sometimes. I'm at a point now where any errands I have to run are going to be done at night when her father is home. It's not the first time that we've been out somewhere and she's thrown a tantrum and I've gotten dirty looks from people as if I was torturing her or something. I'm sick of it. I'm very thankful to be able to work from home and be with her all the time, but like I said, I'm human too. I feel I am very patient the majority of the time. She and I play together every day, and her father and I have never once even left her with a sitter since the day she was born. I do get out one evening a week to bowl on a bowling league. But here I sit, feeling like a lousy mother. Thanks for allowing me to vent. |
| Posted by Tina on 02/08/2008 04:15 PM
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| Lexi went to the library w me last week and I didnt get to pick any books out at all.She wanted to run around ripping at books on the shelves screaming at the top of her lungs;so I had to bring her out.No one said a word to me cause .....well you dont wanna know what I would have told them to do w their nosey azzes!!! I would have told them{ AND dont tell me that the kids you raised acted any better then mine!Or dont give me your friggin holier then thou looks! Dont feel bad;you are not alone.Daun had that happen at her play group last week w her daughter.Toddlers do not and will not know how to act.One day you will look back on it and laugh! The only 2 ppl that have ever watched my daughter is my oldest son and his x gf.Other then that ;I dont trust anyone in this God-forsaken state. |
| posted by Lexi on 02/08/2008 08:37 PM
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| Thanks for your reply and understanding. I really do appreciate it. I will try to take care of everything that I can either online or at night, when her father is home, at least for a while. Now I know why my mother did her grocery shopping at night when our father was home when my brother and I were that little...lol! :)) |
| posted by Tina on 02/08/2008 08:53 PM
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| I understand completely how you feel and I only have a 6 month old baby! When she gets crying people stare at me like I am completely interrupting their precious time and I should never be out in public. These looks alone stress me out and so I start panicking to get her to quiet down quicker which in turn only makes her more upset. This is horrible and I feel terrible about this now, but we were out and she started crying and getting really fussy. I tried quite a few things to calm her and nothing worked, so I started heading to the car and my mom yelled out something at me which I didn't hear. In turn (and in my stressed state) I yelled "Can't hear you over the screaming brat". I have never felt so horrible in my life and my mom didn't make me feel much better. Since then I breathe for a few seconds before I speak, but the looks still are there. I just think of how I feel when I hear another child crying or acting up and am definitely more understanding of what they are going through and just ignore the commotion. Although it is tempting to yell at the people staring, you are human and you need to realize that you are a good mother. People are only seeing one bad moment out of MANY MORE GREAT moments with your daughter! |
| posted by Ashley on 02/08/2008 09:22 PM
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Thank you, too, very much. I appreciate all of the support, I really do. I thought about that today too, that it's one bad moment. It just makes me so angry sometimes, like I feel my every word and action is being judged or scrutinized. They don't call them the terrible twos for nothing.
Then later today, she was acting up again and I put her in her room for a few minutes for a timeout. When I tried to let her out, she would not move from the door and kept shutting it on me! I didn't want to push on the door, of course, but finally about 15 minutes or so later did she finally back away from the door so I could let her out of her room. What a day!
Thank you again, ladies, for listening. |
| posted by Tina on 02/08/2008 09:31 PM
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| i wouldn't worry. i've had the same problem with one of my nieces. she had a horrible temper after she turned two. we were in target one day and she punched me so hard in the face i got a black eye and a bloddied nose from it. i got some nasty looks when i raised my voice someone even called the police on me saying i had beat her. being two just does something to kids. |
| posted by anneliese on 02/08/2008 09:40 PM
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| You know, I think that was what the old man was yelling at me out of his car window, something about needing to lock my a** up, but like I said, I can't be 100% sure. It's a scary thing to know that someone could wind up in trouble simply by raising his voice. |
| posted by Tina on 02/08/2008 09:45 PM
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| Omg that is so true.Ppl and thier bs.I mean if you think about it ;you know that their kids acted the same friggin way.Their just too damn old to remember it.No child is going to act like that unless that woman did something to make it!!! BS!The last time my oldest daughter did that in Target (also).They called the cop that was the watcher patrol person to walk over to us.I screamed over my daughter; we wont buy her a barbie video!He just looked at her and then me.I said here you want her?Ppl were looking and I screamed if you dont stop looking; im gonna give her to you to deal with!Then I screamed ;and dont tell me that yall dont have kids that have ever acted like this in public.1 old lady said to me its okay dear my grandson is the same way if he dont get his way.Another younger lady said that I shouldnt have her cause you can tell shes never been disciplined in her life!In my thick texas accent;I told her to ...... lol! It was awful.That was my first month in Michigan!We grabbed her outa the buggy and left.No gawd no!My mom took us to the store w her.Dear God we knew better then to make a peep in the store.My mom is a cajun/Texan.We didnt want that womans wrath!If anyone comes to your house you be straight w em and tell em you doubt that you are the only woamn out there that has a child that pitches a fit.oooooo I hate men!Id have told him just exactly where and what he could do w that mouth that God gave him!!!LOL!!! |
| posted by Lexi on 02/08/2008 11:24 PM
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| I think it is also a shame on society's part that some parents ARE afraid to raise their voice or attempt to discipline their children because someone could call the cops. It's sad. 20 years ago parents were allowed to do whatever they deemed necessary to take care of their children's behavior and now the kids feel like they can control their parents sometimes. A lot of people think discipline is slapping and abuse, and it isn't! Discipline is showing your child how their actions were wrong and showing them how to handle it next time. I believe in natural consequences as long as it doesn't put the child in danger and that is still a form of discipline. Society today is just soo scared of doing this that some people in general have gotten out of hand with this to where if you do raise your voice at your child the cops are called. |
| posted by Ashley on 02/09/2008 06:46 AM
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| It is normal to lose your coold every once in a while, you are human. My daughter threw a major tantrum at playgroup, like Lexi stated, I am Daun by the way! People look at you like you are a nut because your child is throwing a tantrum. I was shocked at playgroup, because all of these parents have kids around Mikayla's age, and they still looked at me like I was the worst parent. I was amazed because you know their perfect little angels must not ever do that if they looked at me the way they did, yeah right. I Usually tell people off when they find the need to stare at me. Just yesterday, in the grocery store, Mikayla wanted out of the cart, and we were in line, she started kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs, I saw the looks from people. One old guy was bold enough to walk over to the cart and just stare at her shaking his head. I looked right at him, and told him to move along, it was none of his business. He mumbles something at me, and I heard something about spoiled and bad parenting, So I asked him why he was so rude, did he ever have kids? He just waved off my comment and walked away. |
| posted by on 02/09/2008 12:46 PM
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| OMG..The audacity of some people never ceases to amaze me. I'm angry at myself too for just shrinking away yesterday and not wanting to say anything and cause a scene. The next rude person, though, may not be so lucky. I think too the majority of the people who say these things either have never had children or they had their children so long ago, they really don't remember what the day-to-day life is like. Not only that, years ago, parents didn't have to bring their children up under such judgment and scrutiny either. |
| posted by Tina on 02/09/2008 01:26 PM
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| OMG, I would have told that man, Daun, to step outside!!! Tell him if he wanted to run his mouth ,to back it up lol! I hate men anyway! Ida told him just cause he has a penis dont make him superior! I guess being from Texas;I am more aggressive.I just dont care.My mom was always worried about us embarrassing her.I always thought to myself ;oh yes like we're gonna see those ppl in the store again! From now on ;yall just stand up for yourself and tell them I bet your kids did the same thing and dont be looking at me holier then thou ;cause I bet you got skeletons the size of Texas in your own damn closets!!! That will usually shut them up! You forget I am in this Godforsaken state and I hate it here.Ppl here are different then some southern ppl. |
| posted by Lexi on 02/09/2008 03:39 PM
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| see that's why im happy to be in alabama. their policy is do what you have to concerning your children. now i will never abuse my child and i am against child abuse. but spankings to discipline a child is not abuse and if anyone ever came up to me and told me i was abad mother they would get chewed up and spit out especially if my hubby is there. too many people are afraid to discipline their children when they act out in public because of critism or because they are afraid of being labeled as an abuser. it's not fair that parents who are in public when their children act out are stared at. i would back up any one of my friends who had to deal with public critisms. i mean you cant determine at the age of 5 or below whether a child is bad. unless the chld knows right from wrong and can tell the diffrence the child is not bad they are just a child. thats not to say that a child wont misbehave its just they dont comprehend it's wrong. an example of a bad kid is a boy who lives in our complex my hubby and me exited our ampartment one day and was walking to our car and this boy who was maybe 10 years old was out at about 7 at night yelling and cussing in the parking lot then he walked over to a bush and urinated on it. in public. now where we his parents? probably more concerned with how other people where raising their children to keep up with their own. |
| posted by anneliese on 02/09/2008 10:19 PM
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| Here here! Thank you, thank you all so much. You don't know how much I appreciate all of your kind words and support. Like I said in my last post, the next rude person is probably not going to be as lucky as that jerk was yesterday because I had said nothing. He/she will be told, tactfully, but plainly, to mind their own business. I know I shouldn't be feeling so badly about it, because I know and everyone who knows me knows that I am a very attentive mother, but it's still eating at me a little bit. But I feel a little better. Thank you all again very, very much! :)) |
| posted by Tina on 02/09/2008 10:29 PM
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Hi there,
I am 41 and when my 23 year old was in 1st grade he came home one day pushing my buttons, acting out, breaking all the rules, I took it and took it until he informed me he was not going to do his home work until he got ready... I told him to go to his room... he told me "ok but you are not allowed to spank me..." I followed him to his room and ask him to explain at what point durnung the day he got a job, moved out of my house and became independent... his reply was this " my teacher told me that you are not allowed to spank me anymore no matter what I do... and if you do I have to go to school and tell her" I was so mad before I stoped to think I said this to him..." I am your mother, you are my son, I carried tou for 9 months in my tummy, I through up daily for months, I gained over sixty pounds before you were borned, my tummy hurt for 18 hours before you were born, and if you misbehave when you are not with me I get a call, and when you become a teenager if you break the law I could go to jail so you will follow my rules, respect others, and act like the way I tought you to act. Or you will go to your room and if that don't work I will woop your rear end and if your teacher has a problem with that tell her to call me!... Needless to say the next day I got a call for his teacher. I explained that my son informed me yesterday that per her I was no longer allowed to spank him even if he missed behaved and if I did he was to tell her, so sence I needed to let my so know that I was still the parent and that I still say what I can and can't do to him I spanked him liked I promised him I would and told him to tell you to call me. she repeated how sorry she was explained that they had an office there yesterday explaining child abuse to the children and he must have missunderstood... I explained to her we use spanking as a last resort but we do use it...and so long as my kids were in my home and I was responsiable for their actions I would guide and punish them as see fit and if anyone didn't like it they could deal with me.
my point in telling this story is this so many times people are scared to punish their kind because they are scared they are gonna get in to trouble... these are YOUR kids...DO NOT abuse your children but teach them who is the boss, what the rules are, and waht the punishment is and stick to it no matter where you are. |
| posted by TERESA on 02/12/2008 02:03 PM
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Thank you very much. I agree 100%, and I will never feel apologetic for anything I say or do ever again. I had one bad human moment and that's it. I just got so upset and am so fed up sometimes with the judgment and intrusion from other people.
Thank you ladies. I can't tell you how much it helps to communicate with other parents who can truly relate, and I do feel much better. |
| posted by Tina on 02/12/2008 03:51 PM
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