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| Raising Girls |
| Public online group |
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I am a single full time father of a 8 year old daughter who lost her mommy to a sudden illness in 2006 and with the exception of work she is with me all the time and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The only apprehension that I have if you want to call it that is when puberty starts and I didn't have any sisters growing up. I grew up with 5 brothers ( yes I think my mother deserves a spot in heaven for just that fact alone LOL)
so I don't really have any experience with on that subject.
I guess I am joining this group in the off chance that someone may post a question pertaining to puberty and what things I need to look for.
I guess I will have to make sure that she can talk to me about anything. I was talking to a friend and she told me that she would have died if she had to go shopping for bras with her father or if she have to discuss her menstral cycle.
I am scared and yet I want to approach it as a good father should and maybe seek advice from any woman that had to go thru this with their fathers.
I was takng my daughter to look at some clothes in Target the other day and we were looking at panties and (LOL) she was soooo embrassed and would cringle if I said PANTIES!!!! above a whisper. By her reaction to that word I may as well have announced it over the store speakers.
Man oh man ..... but you know what I hope that we are able to do this because it will only make our bond that much more stronger and what daddy doesn't want that?
any advice would soooooo be appreciated. |
| Posted by Robert on 02/07/2008 03:19 AM
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First off, I am so sorry for your loss. I am not sure how hard this must be for you, but the fact that you thought enough to seek out help shows how much you care! I do not have any older daughter yet, but I do remember growing up myself. Here is some info I found that might help.
To start with, you should learn a little about girls' puberty. That way if you ever need to talk to your daughter about it you'll sound a little more knowledgeable.
Somewhere between ages of 8 and 14 the process will start. Your daughter will start to develop breasts, she'll start growing hair on her genitals and under her arms, her skin may start breaking out, and eventually she'll start menstruating. The whole process usually takes from 18 months to as long as 7 or 8 years to complete. If your daughter seems to be starting puberty at the very early end of the age range or hasn't started by the end of the range, have a talk with her pediatrician.
Ask your daughter whether she has any questions about what's going on and let her know that she can ask you anytime she wants to talk. She'll probably be far to self-conscious to discuss those intimate details with a guy but having made the offer will let her know that you care--and that's the most important thing.
The more you know, and are educated the easier it should be to discuss all of this. My mom never sat down and had the "TALK" with me. She discussed it all the time since I was small, She managed to bring things into conversation without making me realize that we were having this uncomfortable conversation. Never stop talking to your daughter. My mom always always was there for me. My dad passed away years ago, but when he was alive he had no problem discussing anything with me, and I though it was kinda cool that we had that kind of open relationship. You might also want to find a close female friend or family member that she can go to if she feels uncomfortable. Once she gets it out and gets some of her questions answered she may feel more comfortable discussing things with you. What ever you do do not allow her to gain her knowledge about her body and the birds and the bees from classmates. I always knew the most, and the correct things and was always stunned even at a young age how many peers seemed to have the wrong info. Sorry for the liberal attitude if that offends you. We are from The Netherlands and stuff like this is no big deal!
Best of luck!! |
| posted by Vanessa on 02/07/2008 11:57 AM
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| man i have a lot of respect for you! i honnor the fact that you care so much! i have faith that you will find the right information so that you can be there for your daughter! God Bless you and your family! :) in christs love, carol |
| posted by carol on 02/07/2008 03:33 PM
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I am sorry for your loss and am very impressed with your love and concern for your daughter. I second what has been said- tell her you are always open to discuss this stuff with her. Maybe buy her some books on puberty. Back in the dark ages the book du jour was Girl Talk by an author named Carol something- maybe an Amazon search would give some answers.
A friend of mine has teenagers and she has a journal for each of them where they can write any question or concern and she then writes an answer. Maybe writing about stuff will not seem as embarassing to her.
I grew up in San Antonio and know they have a very active Big Brothers and Big Sisters program. A kid I went to high school with lost his father at a young age and he was assigned a Big Brother by request of his mother so he would have a safe outlet for "guy talk."
I think it is really awesome how involved and concerned you are for your daughter!!!!!! |
| posted by Denise on 02/07/2008 03:54 PM
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To each of you thank you fro taking the time to write and express you thoughts. They mean a lot to me and I wish each and everyone of you nothing but the best that Life has to offer.
May God Bless you always |
| posted by Robert on 02/07/2008 11:48 PM
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| I have a 12 yr old daughter. When she was about 8 we started reading the book "Our bodies Our selfs" you should be able to find a copy in the library. It is a very good book and lays out the whole process clearly. We had many discussions from the material. Mood swings were common and confusing to both of us. Hugs went a long way to make them less upsetting. Even tho I am a mom I still manage to embarrass her when buying unmentionables so don't stop trying. The fact that you are working so hard shows that you care |
| posted by Jane on 02/09/2008 12:06 AM
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| So sorry for your loss.There are alot of books out there for you and your daughter to read about puberty and the talk.If she likes to read,Id take her to the library and pick up a few fun books to read w her and for her.(Get the female librarian to put them on the hold shelf for you).There are several funny books that will make her laugh while she learns whats going to happen to her body and will let you know what to look for.I dont envy you when the monthly starts and her hormones kick in. lol!!! When she does hit teen age and she starts to drift away make sure you let her know that you love her more then anything but 1 time she breaks that trust and youll reel her right back in to closeness.I saw a movie once at college in Sociology class.The parents of their teens told their children if you ever get in trouble,someone you are with gets drunk,high,if you get high.if you get drunk,Anything call me no matter what the time of the night and I will come and get you.When I do we will not discuss it until daybreak.I will not scream I will not hit I will not freak but in the AM we will sit down and discuss what should be done about your behavior.The teacher said that that showed discipline and trust for your child for the parent.Same thing about sex and pregnancy.So many kids are getting prego and having the kid and hiding it from parents and it ends up in the dumpster.Or worse still they have an abortion and get sick from it.Honesty and communication and trust. |
| posted by Lexi on 02/09/2008 12:45 AM
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I want to say sorry. I have two girls 8 and 9. I have found it really does take open communication for both parent and child. But in helping with my girls and the changes they are going through. American Girl has put out a book called The Care and Keeping of You the body book for girls. I found the book at Barns and nobles The book is made for a child to read not a scientific boring book. It talks about all the female needs ex shaving, nail care, bras and the different kinds. It even tells about the changs in their feelings. My girls like the book and I like the way it was put together.
Good luck |
| posted by Koren on 02/09/2008 11:34 PM
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I am so glad I chose this site the words of kindness have been touching and advice is encouraging. Thnka all of you for taking time out of your busy schedule to write.
I hope to one day do the same for you or someone else.
I totally try to live the pay it forward life. Remember the movie?
Thanks and be safe |
| posted by Robert on 02/15/2008 04:54 PM
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| Wishes she was back in texas everyday!!! |
| posted by Lexi on 02/21/2008 11:44 AM
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