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I am looking for advice regarding pacifier use at night-time.
My 5 1/2 month old wakes up anywhere from 3 to 8 times every night when her pacifier falls out of her mouth and she wants it back. In the daytime she is trying to learn how to put the pacifier back in her mouth, but she's too sleepy in the night to even try, and she's not quite coordinated enough to do that. This has been going on for about 3 months now, and I'm exhausted from having to go into her room so often to put her binky back in for her!
I know some people say you should get rid of the pacifier by 5 months, or earlier, but Emma refuses to go to sleep without it (I've tried many, many times) and I can't seem to get her to give it up. Does anyone have any tips on how we could get rid of the pacifier entirely without stressing her out too much?
Thanks a bunch,
Chris |
| Posted by Chris on 02/06/2008 09:03 PM
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| I don't have much of advice because I am going through the same thing with my 6 1/2 month old. I am exhausted as well. I have heard to put a bunch of pacifiers in the crib so that if they reach out they might grab one and put it in themself, but my daughter is also still trying to figure it out and doesn't want to deal with it at night. One thing I do, is I try and wait a minute or two to see if she will fall back asleep. Sometimes it works for her, but then worse for me is I am usually awake for about 1/2 hour waiting for her to wake up. I know I wasn't much help, but I am glad to see someone else going through the same thing. I hope there is some good advice out there! |
| posted by Ashley on 02/06/2008 09:21 PM
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| The only advice I can give is to wait until she has a cold. That is how i did it with my daughter. When they are stuffy, the pacifier is the last thing they want, because they can't breath when it is in. You can also just start weening her off of it, and only use it at certain times of the day. The other thing is to cut it off cold turkey, may sound cruel and may be hard, but you say she can't sleep with out it, she can't stay awake forever, it may take her longer to fall asleep at first but not having crazy orthodontic bills in the long run will be far worth it. |
| posted by on 02/06/2008 09:36 PM
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| My name is Daun, by the way, and I am a dental assistant. I forgot to put my other suggestion in so here I go. Usually, your child has all the same type of pacifiers, and they are used to the shape of the particular brand. Try buying a different brand with a different shape to it, your child will not find it comforting anymore but more of an annoyance, because they are not used to it. Also, you can not upgrade the size, like when the child is six months, do not buy the bigger pacifier, leave them with the smaller, it will become uncomfortable. The younger you do it the better, as an infant it satisfies the urge to suck as they get older it just becomes habit, and gets harder to break. I saw a girl that was at least four the other day with a paci in her mouth, It just looked ridiculous. |
| posted by on 02/06/2008 09:46 PM
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Thanks everyone for all your advice.
Emma refuses any other kind of pacifier other than the newborn size, so hopefully she'll tire of it soon. If I offer her any other kind of pacifier she spits it out immediately and cries! I limit her pacifier use to naps and bedtime so at least she doesn't have it all day.
We've been really lucky so far, she hasn't had any colds or other illnesses, but I'm sure it'll happen eventually. Maybe when she does get sick, that will fix the desire for the pacifier.
Thanks again everyone! It helps just to know other moms have had similar problems!
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/06/2008 10:13 PM
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Hi Chris... My son is 5 1/2 months old as well, and at his last doctor's appt(4 months), our Ped. asked me about his sleep habits, and I told him exactly what you are saying. I was so sleep deprived from getting up all hours of the night just to give him his paci.. just so he was pacified or comforted... My Ped. told me that he should be sleeping through the night now, and not have to be pacified. He didn't care about the paci at all.. He was very clear with my husband and I that he does not tell his parents to do this, but he did help me feel more comfortable knowing that he was old enough to "CRY IT OUT" I put it in caps, because that is exactly what it took. We didn't do it that night, because he had just had shots, and I didn't want him to be anymore sad than he already was. But anyways.. here's how we did it, and it worked in 2-3 days. On tuesday night we started his nightime routine much earlier at 7:30(bath, bottle, rock, then to bed) We had still been swaddeling too... we had a heartbeat sound in his crib, and a cd player that played ALL NIGHT LONG(we had it on auto replay) SAD.. I know... I was pathetic, and used anything I could to get maybe a half hour of sleep... anyways... so we decided together to take away everything for the sake of killing 2(or more) birds with one stone. If we were going to let him cry it out, we may as well stop everything else. So we did.. We put him in his bed drowsy, but not fully asleep, not swaddled, no music, no paci, and no heartbeat. He CRIED for 50 minutes. I went in one time patted him on his tummy, just to reassure him at about 15 minutes. I know this is long... sorry... so he ended up waking up at 1:30, he cried for 15 minutes, then at 4 cried for 10 minutes. My husband stayed up with me.. I just wanted to cave and give him his paci, so I could get to sleep....
Well, he is now 5 1/2 months old, and since night 2 of that he is sleeping from 8/8:30 until 7 the next morning, with NO WAKING UP!!!! It is awesome... It was hard, don't get me wrong... and I am not one against the paci, but I realized that he woke up all the time, because he knew I would come in and give it to him. My Ped. told me the same thing. He is now thriving just as much as he did before, he eats the same, and is on solids now.
I personally feel that pacifier's are ok, to a certain age, definately not past 2, and also, no walking around with it... but she is a baby.. We now put him to sleep with it(naps and bedtime), it falls out within 10 minutes, and he doesnt wake up.... So I don't think the paci is the problem.. It's the lack of sleep(on our end), and her needing to be comforted all hours of the night.
I really hope this helps you... I was in your same exact boat just over a month ago.. and I am so glad I did this. It has helped my baby, myself, my husband and I get time together now, and it is awsome!!!
Let me know what you do!!! Good Luck :)
Emilie |
| posted by EMILIE on 02/06/2008 11:45 PM
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Thanks for the advice, Emilie. I don't know if I have the strength to let her cry it out! I also suspect if I don't go in there to calm her down, my husband will!
I might try it though, it's good to hear about something that worked for you.
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/07/2008 12:16 AM
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| My son will be two years old next week and we still get up several times a week to find his pacifier and give it back to him while sleeping, it is not as much as it used to be but we are still doing it. I wish we would have taken it away earlier. We have limited it to only nap and night and hopefully after his birthday will take it away all together. I think taking away a paci is easier when they are younger and I bet easier, We just took it away during day time the beginging of Jan and it was really hard for him but he was very attached, he plays so much better and can focus much better its almost like at first he didn't know how to deal with his frustrations because before he relied on the paci to soothe him, it has gotten better but still hard at times for him. It is proabably time to take it away completely. The crying for a night or two will be much easier on you than dealing with getting up every night like we have for two years. Good luck! |
| posted by amy on 02/07/2008 10:25 AM
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I didn't think I was going to have the strength either... It was really hard to not just go in there and pick him up and comfort him. But I really knew in my heart that it was going to be better for all of us. I have the strength to get through the days now, and I can really enjoy being a mom. I have more energy throughout the day. I know it is not for everyone, but I assure you that if you give it a shot for a few nights, it will probably work. Like I said before.. I don't have a problem with the paci at all.. We give it to him to play with, and when we put him down for naps and bedtime.. .But it is the wakig up through the night...ALL NIGHT LONG just to give it back to him...
I promise you and your husband are strong enough. If you give it a try.... it might just actually work. My son is our only and our 1st, so he is very spoiled with love. But through letting him cry it out those 2 short nights, I have learned that I don't have to pick him up right away everytime he fusses. I was really bad with that.. Now I know that if he fusses, he just wants to be held.
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to force the issue.. I have just became a huge believer in it. I have 3 other sisters that are mom's , and they were all telling me to do it, and I couldn't.. but finally after getting the ok from the Ped, I forced myself to be strong..
Well.... Good luck.. with any method you choose to do... :) :) |
| posted by EMILIE on 02/07/2008 12:08 PM
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Hi Emilie,
I tried last night, and caved in after 45 minutes because she was just screaming inconsolably.
I tried to do it alone, because if my husband had been home he would have wanted to go in and comfort her sooner. It took me hours to get Emma back to sleep, and I felt rotten for putting her through it. I'm sure it works eventually, but I felt so bad I just couldn't go through with it and ended up sobbing my heart out as well. Maybe I'll try again some other time, but right now I just don't have the strength.
:(
Meanwhile, I've emailed our pediatrician to see if he has any other tricks to try. Wish me luck!
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/07/2008 01:35 PM
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I'm sorry.... I know .. It is really sad and really hard.. I hope you don't think I'm a mean mom... :( I'm really not... I just knew I had to do it... If I didn't have my husband's strength and support to keep my mind on something else while we were doing it, I would have caved as well... We had to turn up the TV extremely loud, I had to go outside and walk around...
You will find something for you.... I just thought I would put my experience up here..
Of course as mom's and new mom's all we want is to make our babies happy and love them all day and night.. But I did realize that if mommy isnt sleep deprived, the home is much happier and things run so much smoother and nicer.. :) I also deal with Postpartum depression, so this was a huge obstacle for me to overcome with my baby.
Who knows.. maybe one day you will be ready... :)
I hope something works out... because I know exactly how you feel...
Let me know what eventually ends up happening... :) |
| posted by EMILIE on 02/07/2008 01:55 PM
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Thanks for your support, Emilie. Of course I don't think you're a mean mom - you're probably a much better mom than I am for having the strenght to to go through with that tough "cry it out" experience!
I'm sorry to hear you have been suffering from postpartum depression, I had a touch of the baby blues after Emma was born but luckily it didn't get any worse for me. Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing great!
Maybe I'll be able to talk my husband into helping me let Emma cry it out one weekend. My hubby has a big heart and, like me, doesn't want Emma to be unhappy in any way ... we're going to have to be very careful not to spoil her!
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/07/2008 02:20 PM
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Hi there, I bet there are a lot of people having the same problem. I have been going through it since Abigail was three months old (she is 5 and almost 1/2 now). What is worse, is that when I give her the pacifier to try and soother to sleep, she takes it in and out of her mouth, on and on and on and on... and she won't sleep!
The only advise I can give, is try to get rid of it. I took it away from Abbie cold turkey, and when she looks for it, I stick he thumb in her mouth... It has taken a while, but now she seems fine without the pacifier, has not cried for it, and rather uses her fingers to soothe...
Hope this helps. |
| posted by Valentina on 02/07/2008 04:45 PM
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Thanks Valentina, that is helpful. Our pediatrician told me cold turkey is the only way to go if altering the pacifier doesn't work (which it didn't).
My husband and I have agreed that this weekend we're getting rid of the pacifier, so wish us luck!
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/07/2008 05:10 PM
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Hey, just glad I could help :)
If that doesn't work, I have read somewhere about this tactic: cut the bottom of the pacifier. That way, when she sucks on it she won't get the "relief" that she expect, and she will eventually loose interest in the pacifier. I did not try this method because I wanted to take the opportunity to reach Abigail the use of her hands to self-soothe, which is generally the natural way for babies. It worked for us.
Good luck!!!!! |
| posted by Valentina on 02/07/2008 07:10 PM
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... Although you did say that altering the pacifier did not work for you! Duh! I guess my exhausted brain is not functioning at its best.
Good luck anyway! |
| posted by Valentina on 02/07/2008 07:13 PM
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Don't worry it is just a stage.... once the baby is able to put the pacifer in right at night, you'll have no problem... my son is the same way he is now almost 12 months.. he only goes to sleep with a pacifier... he's been about to put it in for a while but for like a month or so I'd get up every night and do the same.My son only uses a paci in the car and in the crib
Don't worry as with all things... this too will pass
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| posted by roxanne on 02/07/2008 07:23 PM
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Thanks everyone for all your support, it really helps to know I'm not alone!
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/07/2008 08:43 PM
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Hi Chris:
Best of luck this weekend with the pacifier dilemma. My husband and I went through the same thing when Anna was about 4 1/2 months old. Thankfully, she just whimpered for 10 minutes the first night, and 5 the next night. She found her thumb and to this day uses her thumb if she wakes up in the night to self soothe and falls asleep right away. After reading everyone's reply, my only different advice is this....I read the babywhisperer, and in it she writes about how to get rid of a habit without letting the baby 'cry it out.' She suggests to pick up your baby until the baby stops crying and then put them down, you may need to do this many many times (some of her examples gave over 100 pick up/put downs) but eventually your baby gets so tired, they fall asleep. The next night, same thing, but hopefully it will only be ?20 times. Just a thought. Best of luck!! |
| posted by stacie on 02/08/2008 03:19 PM
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Hi Stacie,
Thanks for that great advice, I'd like to use the kindest method if possible. :)
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/08/2008 03:58 PM
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Here's a pacifier update for anyone who gave me advice recently and may be interested in the outcome.
We tried letting Emma cry it out, but just couldn't go through with it. Oh well, we tried!
In the end we took the pacifier off her all day Friday, and have since managed to help her get to sleep without it sometimes. When she does need the pacifier to get to sleep, she now lets us take it out of her mouth after she's been asleep for 10 minutes or so, and she doesn't wake up anywhere near as often as she used to. In fact, now she seems to sleep a solid 4 hours before waking up in the night, then after a feeding she'll go back to sleep for another 3-4 hour block. She's much happier, and so am I! We had tried that method in the past to no avail, but I guess she's just better able to cope with the change now that she's a little older.
She even seems to sleep more soundly at naptime. She used to have 3 or 4 little naps a day, now she's just taking two nice long naps instead.
I'm amazed at how much happier she is. She will now play independently (she used to cry when I put her on the floor to play or in her exersaucer, unless I was right beside her the whole time) and she smiles, laughs, and chats a lot more.
She focusses on us a lot now, and smiles and laughs with us more, reaches out to touch our faces or our hair, and she is generally more interested in what goes on around her. She used to pull the pacifier out when we were in the car, and cry until she got it back. Now she seems to really enjoy being in the car and doesn't cry or fuss at all.
It seems like the pacifier had just turned into one big distraction, so I'm glad we're using it so much less. I was pleasantly surprised to find that losing the pacifier has made so many positive changes for Emma.
Thanks again to everyone who offered advice and support, you really helped me through a difficult experience.
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/11/2008 07:50 PM
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Great to hear, Chris. I am glad things are working out. Our daughter has been since her pacifier for several weeks now, the "method" I told you about (putting her thumb in her mouth when she was looking for her pacifier) worked for us like a charm. All babies are different, but one thing is for sure: it is best to nip all bad habits in the bud asap! Kudos to you and your husband for working so hard at it, you have your reward with a happier little girl!
Cheers! |
| posted by Valentina on 02/11/2008 08:35 PM
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Thanks Valentina! I tried putting Emma's thumb in her mouth, but she kept resisting me! Eventually she figured out how to do it on her own, so she's happy now.
I'm glad things are going well for you with your daughter too!
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/11/2008 09:18 PM
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| Chris, the thumb is actually a worse habit, and harder to break than the paci, you can't take the thumb away. It causes major problems in the development of teeth, \causing an over jet, buck teeth, a narrow palate, in which case a palatal expander becomes neccessary, and those are quite painful for the child. Ask your dentist and or your ped, they will tell you the same thing, thumb sucking is the worst habit and should never be encouraged. |
| posted by on 02/11/2008 09:31 PM
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| Just wanted to add my two cents. I agree with DJM, thumb sucking is a horrible habit, and very hard to break. I know it's hard but you have to go cold turkey with the paci and you have to be consistant. That is the most important part. If you keep giving in she will never learn to live without it. Letting them cry it out is really really hard, but they do need to learn to soothe themselves by themselves with no devices. It's the best way. I don't want to sound harsh but i had braces for 7 years because i was a thumb sucker and belive me it was not fun at all!! I had to have 5 teeth pulled at the same time becuase my mouth was so bad. Belive me you don't want that for your child. |
| posted by Amanda on 02/11/2008 10:52 PM
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OK, that's good advice. How do I stop a 6 month old from sucking her fingers or thumb though?
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/11/2008 10:55 PM
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Thank you Amanda for your advice!! It was starting to look like I was such a mean mom for letting my son cry it out at 4 1/2 months old. I believe you 100%!!!!! I don't agree with pushing thuimb sucking for those exact reasons... You can take away a paci, but you can't take away thier thumbs. My son still uses a paci, but he doesn't rely on it anymore since we let him cry it out.. and I know that when we take it away from him for good one day within the next 6 months, that we will let him cry it out then too. One thing I have been thinking about a lot since this topic was started, is that.... yes they are babies, and we want to console them all the time, and make sure they are happy. But if we always do that, they will never learn to self soothe, and that could mean problems as they get older, also, They will not remember at all. Maybe I am mean, but I have had to grow some tuff skin knowing that my son is ok, he's not hurt, he's not hungry, he is just tired, and lately because he does sleep all through the night now, he takes little 15 minutes naps. and I want to encourage at least one afternoon "normal" nap, If he wakes up within 10-15 minutes of me putting him down, I let him cry it out, and I know he is fine. He just wants constant holding, of course, they are babies.. and when he wakes up.. he is full of smiles, and doesn't even remember that Mommy let him "CRY".
Anyways.. I just wanted to say thanks to Amanda!!! I'm glad there is mom out there that believes the same things I do... |
| posted by EMILIE on 02/11/2008 11:34 PM
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About the thumb sucking... I could not disagree more. Thumb-sucking is normal in babies because they have an innate natural sucking instinct (hence pacifiers!!!). Babies suck their thumbs even in the womb.
Babies have a natural urge to suck, which usually decreases after the age of 6 months, but still many babies continue to suck their thumbs to soothe themselves. Thumb-sucking *can* become a habit in babies and young children who use it to comfort themselves, but in general thumb-sucking in children younger than 4 *is usually not* a problem. All babies will eventually suck their fingers, you cannot stop it from happening, unless you are ok with the prolonged use of a pacifier.
Babies *need* to soother themselves, one way or another.
Please see the following information, which clearly states that kids are not affected bu thumb sucking or pacifiers until they are at least 3 or 4 years old.
Let babies help themselves any way they need to, you can reason with a toddler much easier than you can with an infant!!
http://www.medem.com/MedLB/article_detaillb.cfm?article_ID=ZZZQ4JXWQ7C&sub_cat=21
http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_thumbsuc_hhg.htm
http://www.drgreene.com/21_1206.html
http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/0_thumb-sucking-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it_63687.pc |
| posted by Valentina on 02/12/2008 12:54 AM
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Well... to each his own... Whatever works for one mom or child doesn't work for another... My son is almost 6 months old and he has never sucked his thumb, yah his hand, but not his thumb or fingers for soothing..
Every baby is different and that is all that matters.. everyone has thier own advice, thier own concerns, and their own ways of dealing with any situation with thier baby.
So good luck Chris, no matter what you decide to do.. Ultamately, it is your decision, that you need to be happy and comfortable with...
:) :) Looks like this board got a little out of hand... :) :) :)
As long as your baby is happy and you are as well.... Keep on doing whatever you're doing... You know best for your baby.. :) :) |
| posted by EMILIE on 02/12/2008 01:23 AM
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| Valentina for every five topics you read, thats five patients I have seen with horrible problems due to thumb sucking, and if you want to call your dentist and ask them. You are more than welcome to disagree, but you are very wrong, and it is never the "thing to do" encouraging a baby to suck their thumb. Chris, just do not encourage it, do not try to get her to suck her thumb, and if she falls asleep with it in, remove it, and everytime you see her with the thumb in, remove it. |
| posted by on 02/12/2008 07:49 AM
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| What Valentina said about it not being a problem until three or four, is false and here is why. You baby's bones are still relatively soft. when the thum is in the mout, it pushes on the hard palate. Over time repetive pushing on the hard palatecaues the bones to form in a way that causes the palate to be high and narrow, thus needing the palatal expander. It is also training the the direction the permananent teeth are going to come in. By sucking the thumb, an child is changing the formation of their upper palate, and gum line. Keep her hands busy if she is doing it during the day, and remove it gently if you see it day or night. I know it is temptime to consult a room full of moms for help on these things, but we are all first time moms in this room, and do not know much more than you. I only know this because this is my profession, but for your child and for your piece of mind, consult a physician or even just put a call into your dentist and ask them. Each dentist/ doctor is different. I know mine is against thumbsucking, but yours might say different. Ultimately it is your decision to make for what is best for your little angel once you have all of the info from every possible source in front of you. |
| posted by on 02/12/2008 08:26 AM
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Wow, I didn't mean to spark such intense debate, although this proves how passionately we each care about our children's wellbeing.
One last word before I withdraw from this discussion: Emma only sucks her thumb for a minute or two perhaps two or three times a day when she feels she needs to soothe herself. Usually it's when she's in the stroller, otherwise she'll snuggle up to me for comfort. With so little thumb-sucking going on, I'm not too concerned about that.
Regarding the pacifier, I think we've reached a happy compromise where Emma only needs the pacifier for 10 minutes at naptimes and bedtime. I'll still work with her in reducing pacifier use, because ultimately I think it's for the best in her case.
Thanks once again to everyone who shared their views on this topic. We may not always agree with each other, but we all care deeply about doing the right thing for our children which is wonderful.
Kind regards,
Chris |
| posted by Chris on 02/12/2008 12:40 PM
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