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Pauline...I have amazing parents! My mom helps me all the time...esp by watching my son while I work and go to school. I have found that I am getting MORE support from my grandparents since my son's father moved out. There were some slight issues that no one (other than my brother) brought to my attention until after we broke up. But, I know that my grandparents are supportive. I was never close to my dad's parents growing up (mostly because they favored my cousins, and we caught on to that early on and didn't do much with them until recently) and my mom's parents are very into the church and continue to tell me that everything happens for a reason and God know the plan for my life. Even though they were disappointed at first, they continue to pray for me and Jayden and they always send encouraging things (emails, cards, prayer...) My son's father's parents are supportive with the fact that we had Jayden...but they don't support me. If that makes sense. They love Jayden, but my son's father's mom questions EVERYTHING I do. I nursed, and that was WRONG! I made his baby food and that was WRONG! I don't want him over there if any of the kids are sick or if he is sick and that translates to me not wanting them to see Jayden...yet I have always said that they are welcome to come here! agh.
Continue to give your daughter encouraging words...trust me some days we don't want to get out of bed because life is SO hard...but a simply encouraging word is what gives us the courage to continue to do everything we can for our children!! |
| posted by Elise on 02/01/2008 10:28 AM
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| Oh, and I forgot to mention that my son was in the hospital and I called his Nana (dad's mom) and told her he was admitted, she said that she was battling a BAD cold and she probably would come because he is sick. I told her that I would strongly prefer that she DOESN'T come if she is even sniffling! I took my son to x ray and walked back into his room and there she is! Sick as hell coughing in her coat, blowing her nose. And i am the bad guy for telling her not to come. I am "trying to keep my son away from her"...as she says it. I thought that it was SO disrespectful to me AND Jayden to show up sick!! Agh. The nurse came in a few minutes later and said that if anyone is sick they shouldn't come visit...a general comment...and then they left. agh...how unbelievable can she get?! agh... |
| posted by Elise on 02/01/2008 10:30 AM
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| I sure hope that things improve for you!! It seems to me that there are grandparents out there who seem to think that their own children are incapable of being good parents, and it seems to be worse when there is a divorce.. I hate to say it, but it seems like the ex hubbys mother becomes rather out spoken when the divorce hits.. Seems like they become way too critical of their ex daughter in law, and the care they provide for the grandchildren.. It's like a monster is born..lololo... All I can say is "Keep your opinions to yourself, these are not YOUR children; Respect the primary caregiver of your grandchildren; Do not criticize them in front of the grandchildren; Basically, stay a Grandparent in the proper way" |
| posted by NannyGr... on 02/01/2008 10:47 AM
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My parents are wonderful. My mom offers advice but is very aware and encouraging that I am my daughters mother and that the final say is mine. My ex and his mother however... best example would be when I was still in the hospital and I mentioned I was nursing instead of using formula (keep in mind his mom nursed all 4 of her kids) and she got mad at me because then my ex couldn't feed the baby. She then said that he could give her bottles of water (without asking me)and I said that because babies don't get water anymore because of water toxicity he wouldn't be able to do that, and would have to wait until we had established nursing and could go back and forth with the bottles of milk and nursing. She got mad at me, first for joining the conversation (in my own hospital room in a conversation about my daughter) and second for nursing her instead of using an option where he could feed her also.
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| posted by Kate on 02/01/2008 11:22 AM
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| So.. was it the daddy who wanted to do this, or his mother imposing her opinions/control over you? Just curious as to whether or not the daddy listened to you or his mom?? I know that many Grandmas-in-law, in this situation, don't think that the daddy can belong to another family... Not sure if it's a jealousy thing or what.. Should the daddys HAVE to make a choice?? Of course, they shouldn't.. Grandparents sometimes put them in a situation where they have to in order to keep the peace.. I commend all you single parents for all the hard work you do.. Been there (many years ago) and it's not easy to do... |
| posted by NannyGr... on 02/01/2008 11:39 AM
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It was his mom that time. Its almost always his mom. She wasn't against breastfeeding- she was just against me breastfeeding because it interfered with his time with our daughter in her mind. She's also the one who convinced him to take the baby from me after I finished feeding every single time so that he could bond with her. As a result, for the first five days I did not get to hold my daughter very often unless she was hungry or he was sleeping.
She claims to be very religious and hates me because he and I weren't married when I got pregnant and won't ever get married now because of things he did. And he's the only boy with three sisters and she dotes on him and thinks he's wonderful and perfect. |
| posted by Kate on 02/01/2008 11:52 AM
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| Unfortunatly, you are not alone in this.. Many ex in laws (esp the moms) seem to get way too involved in the marriage and then the divorce.. They can't seem to let go of their sons.. Thus the jealousy... |
| posted by NannyGr... on 02/01/2008 12:18 PM
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| I have wonderful parents. They have helped me with my daughter from the beginnig, they have always been supportive of me and her and are willing to help me with anything. For one thing i still live with them and they help take care of my daughter. I dont really have anything to do with her fathers parents for the simple fact that they live two miles away and never bother to come and see her or even call for that matter, they have never taken an interest in any of there grandkids. My parents on the other hand cant live without theirs. I'm just thankful i have my parents |
| posted by amber on 02/01/2008 12:30 PM
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| That's wonderful that you have the support from your parents! You need to have that, makes things so much easier... I feel bad for his parents though, I also would miss so much if I couldn't see my grandson.. I am his full time nanny-granny, so I see him every day.. It is a challenge to do, but I wouldn't change anything... That is why I respect young single parents so much... The world has changed so much since I had my children, the number of single parents has sky rocketed from what I have read.. Does the daddy come see your child on a regular basis?? If not, does that bother you, or do you think that's the best? |
| posted by NannyGr... on 02/01/2008 01:01 PM
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| I don't mean to pry, I just was curious because it seems like there are a lot of daddys who just walk away??? I have seen this personally and don't understand it.. Then, it seems like their parents are the ones to constantly give grief and are so critical of the mommys... They should be encouraging their sons to be a good parent, and thank their lucky stars that at least one parent is working hard on making a stable life for their grandchildren.. |
| posted by NannyGr... on 02/01/2008 01:07 PM
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| My son's father's mom told him when i got pregnant that he still needed to go out and have fun and his life doesn't stop just because I was pregnant. He kept going out with her telling him to and I kept getting madder and madder over it and eventually he cheated. I feel as though she supported him cheating because she was the one that told him to continue to go out! If she would've been a GOOD mom she would've told him that he made the choice to have a child and now he needs to man up and stay home and take car of his responsibility! agh... |
| posted by Elise on 02/01/2008 04:53 PM
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| Pauline my daughters father is in jail at the moment and probly will be for some time. He recently had come back into her life after almost a year of not being there at all, that was a hard decision to make for myself and my daughter, but i knew she needed to know that she did have a daddy. I thought for sure she wouldnt know who he was but she lit up the minute she seen him. I had to lay down some rules with him before he could see her he either had to agree to them or there would be nothing. He had been into somethings i dont agree with, but i knew he wanted to change so if seeing his daughter would help i was willing. He did really good with calling and coming over to see on the weekends until he went to jail. |
| posted by amber on 02/01/2008 11:17 PM
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| Sounds to me like you are better off without a mamas boy... I don't know if you can blame her completely, sounds like your ex was looking for someone to give him "permission" to go out and ignore his responsibilities and that just happened to be his mom... |
| posted by NannyGr... on 02/04/2008 09:46 AM
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| Amber, Like all the moms here you sound like you are looking out for your daughter first... I know it's hard being so tough with the daddy, but you are making sure that she is safe when she is away from you and that is the best you can do.. I hope that he comes around, accepts his responsibility, and realizes how to become a better father... Whether he does or not, as long as you stay on the straight road and keep her in your priority list near the top, she will do fine... |
| posted by NannyGr... on 02/04/2008 09:50 AM
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