 |
|
|
|
| Stay at Home Moms |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
| Ok, so my daughter is 15 months old. She is very bright, and very active, she doesn't stop from the time she wakes until the time she goes to sleep. I took her to her mommy and me class this morning, this is her fifth class always on a wednesday at 10 am. Lately she has been getting very fresh. When she hears the word "NO" it sends her into a tailspin. She crys and screams. Well mommy and me was no different, except it was worse, far worse than it has been with the tantrums. I am not super mom, nor do I claim to be, I feed her balanced foods, and limit her sugar to fruits and animal crackers only. I am firm when I need to be and tell her no without yelling but in a firm voice. We do not spank, and we praise her very much when she does good things, which is also a lot. She doesn't behave like the other kids do in mommy and me. The other kids pick the toys up when they are done and put them away, and Mikayla is the kid still pulling the toys out of the basket as the instructor is putting it away. She grabbed a drum stick today and started swinging it, and other mothers were pulling their kids away from her for fear of their kids getting hurt, I took the drum stick from her and told her no, she proceeded to flip out, through herself on the floor kicking and screaming, I mean the kind of high pitched screaming that irratates dogs. The other mothers looked at me like I was beating her or as if to say control your kid will ya. I was so embarrased, because I had no clue how to control her. I ended up in tears packing her up to leave 20 minutes into a one hour class, all the while Mikayla was throwing the tantrum from hell. How do you dicipline a 15 month old properly? I tell her no and usually she either looks at me and does it anyway, or throws a tantrum. Her tantrums before today were mild to say the least, and we ignore her when she does it so she does not think the tantrum is gaining her any type of attention. Please any ideas are welcome, I am really lost on this one. |
| Posted by on 01/30/2008 12:24 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| I would love to hear ideas myself. My son is almost 13 months and throws tantrums also when he doesn't get what he wants. It is very hard to deal with. We have a gate blocking the area where our dog is and he always trys to get out and then I move him. He throws himself on the floor and cries but will keep proceeding towards the gate. Lately it is anything he shouldn't be doing he does. I say no also sternly and I think he understands it but just refuses to listen. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this matter. I'd love ideas too. |
| posted by Terri on 01/30/2008 12:40 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| You are not the only one that has gone through that. My daughter has given us that challenge several times.....2 years old, 3 years old and now 4.5 years old. She is just trying out her independence. What we did with our daughter is when she started to be defiant, we would give her the direction she was suppose to do and if she didn't, we would remove her from the situation. I would take her outside and tell her the directions again calmly (they get the jist even when they are young and not as verbal) and try again. If she still would not cooperate, I would take her home. At home, if she was defiant, we would give her the direction again, then put her in time out for one minute. If she gets out of time out, keep putting her in. She will learn to stay if you are consistent. When she does eventually follow the direction, praise her like you have been doing. When Lia was 2.5 years old, she would cry in her room for 45 minutes. Eventually, the time decreased. When she approaches that stage again as she matures, we implement the same routine and it works faster. The first time it took about 1 month before she stopped the tamtrums. Try not to use the word, "NO'. Sometimes you have to but other times, give her the choice: for example, snacks - give her two choices. They want to be in power and it makes them think that they are, if you give them choices. IIt also teaches them how to make choices - that is a skill that kids need to learn. The key is for both parents to be in sinc and be consistent. You cannot give in. Don't worry about being embarrassed, I have been there. Plenty of parents have been through it and the ones who are judgemental have never been through it, don't understand. You have to chalk it up to naivity and ignore that stuff. Good luck. |
| posted by Kara on 01/30/2008 12:57 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| At 15 months what do you do for time out, where do you put her? How do you get her to stay. My daughter doesn't stay still when she isn't upset, so as you could imagine, upset is even worse. I have a time out stool given to me by my mother, but isn't she too young for me to expect her to sit there? |
| posted by on 01/30/2008 01:23 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Whats wrong w popping her on her diaper?It doesnt hurt them?Tell her no ,naughty.Then a swat on the diaper.After about a few days wouldnt they get the jest of it?Like a puppy and news paper?Newspaper doesnt hurt the puppy at all but it gets their attention?Is that wrong? |
| posted by Lexi on 01/30/2008 01:41 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I don't want to start teaching her that that is the way to handle things. I just think it sends the wrong message, plus we used to get spanked, and I swore I would never do that to my kids. |
| posted by on 01/30/2008 02:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Introduction
At age 1, your toddler experiences a constant stream of discoveries and surprises—sometimes happy, sometimes a bit unpleasant. She doesn't yet have the vocabulary to talk about all those brand-new events and feelings—but luckily, you do. If you choose your words wisely, you can foster clearer communication between the two of you, help her handle challenges, and even get her to behave better. Finding exactly the right thing to say can be tricky, though. To help out, here are some examples of effective phrases you can use when talking to your 1-year-old.
"You really feel frustrated right now!"
When you realize that your toddler is about to spiral into a tantrum, you can often get her to stay calm and listen just by kneeling down, looking into her eyes, and labeling her feelings for her. When you say, "That made you so angry!" you'll help her understand that it's normal to experience strong and sometimes scary emotions. Your words help her process the feelings she's having, and when she's a little older, she'll be able to say "I'm mad!" or "I'm so happy!" all by herself.
"Stop! That's hot!"
To make a point about safety, keep it short and simple, using only three or four words. Parents too often overexplain, and the meaning—"Stay away from the stove," "Keep out of the street"—can get lost in all those words, says Lise Eliot, Ph.D., author of What's Going On in There?: How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life. It's fine to use a firm "No!" to get your child's attention if he's in danger or hurting someone. But if he constantly hears "no," he'll begin to tune it out. If that's the case, babyproof your home so he can explore without encountering a steady stream of reprimands.
"It's time for your bath."
Many parents make the mistake of asking ("Would you like to take a bath now?"), but it's better to use a statement when you want your child to make a transition like taking a bath or preparing for bed. Why? You know that you need to stick to the routine, so inquiring about what she'd like to do merely creates an opening for conflict. The rule you should follow in this case: Don't ask, just tell.
"First we'll put your blocks away, and then we'll get dressed."
Your toddler has only the foggiest notions about time, so "we're leaving for Grandma's in 15 minutes" doesn't mean much to her, says Roberta Golinkoff, Ph.D., author of Einstein Never Used Flashcards. Instead of giving a time frame, describe a sequence of events: Explain what will happen first ("We'll clean up") and what will happen next ("Then we'll get dressed so we're all ready to go out ").
"Should your socks go on first, or your pants?"
Let your child make simple choices as part of his daily routine. When you hand over just a little bit of control, you boost your toddler's confidence in his own abilities. But a choice between two items is plenty, Dr. Eliot says. "The youngest kids have a limited attention span and memory, and they simply can't keep track of many things for very long."
"You're throwing food, not eating it. All done!"
To manage your toddler's behavior at the table, act quickly and use the same short phrase each time, says Ken Haller, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at Saint Louis University School of Medicine, in St. Louis. If your child is throwing food, for instance, a simple statement like "You're playing with your dinner. All done!" is enough. Keep a calm tone of voice, and remove her from the table.
"I like the way you held my hand while we were in that busy store."
Positive reinforcement—pointing out what your child is doing right—is a strong motivator, even for the youngest children, Dr. Haller says. "Even if they don't quite understand, kids pick up the cadence and the rhythms of what you're saying, and they catch some of your meaning."
"Let's name the animals in your book."
You're probably already teaching your toddler simple labeling words like the names of body parts and colors—but finding even more subjects to talk about will help him make new language connections. Point out different objects in his favorite book each time you read it; as you take a walk, use descriptive language ("Look at the red leaves on that tall tree!") to help him see the world in new ways.
Copyright© 2005. Reprinted with permission from the May 2005 issue of Parents magazine.
Go to www.parents.com I typed in tantrums and got several. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/30/2008 02:05 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I used to explain things to my son when he was that age....for example I would take whatever it was away that he might have been swinging or throwing and told him he had to be careful because there are other babies around. Try it at home also and to get her to pick up toys make a game out of it so she can get used to it. Tell her that when she throws a tantrum that it hurts your feelings. Once they can communicate better tell her to tell you what is wrong.... I know it sounds like something out of a book but it worked with my son I never spanked him and all I ever had to do was just give him "The look" and he knew he was in trouble.....I am praying it works with my daughter. My husband believes in spanking but I don't think it has been affective with his soon he acts up a lot (he is 12 just like my son but he has ADHD and is always in a mood) Good luck |
| posted by Kristhal on 01/30/2008 02:10 PM
|
|
|
|
|
This is interesting to me. One of my twin daughters is pretty similar. When I say "No"in a firm voice, this sends her into a screaming fit. At times I even just try to redirect her and if she does not like it, she will start screaming and crying and taking a tantrum on the floor. Sometimes she bangs her head. My other daughter cries and then kicks and hits when she gets mad.
I would love to also know what to do and how to correct it.
Thanks, Danica
|
| posted by Danica on 01/30/2008 04:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I did a lot of reading and everything I read is say to ignore the kicking screaming, and head banging. I would now love to know how one goes about ignoring these things exactly. |
| posted by on 01/30/2008 05:33 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Good Morning everyone,
This a very hot topic in the state of Mass right now. They are trying to outlaw spanking in this state. I don't know what the penalties are but I'm sorry why should the gov tell me how to raise my kid, The theory-kids that are overspanked are either fearful or disrepecful of authority. That came from a child Psych. Ok, gee, Police aren't feared anymore, teachers are not respected, so what the heck is wrong with a little fear. I don't mean scared to death, but enough to keep them in line. I don't spank my kids...let me correct that. I have, but only when the time-outs don't work, etc....Now that are saying to reason with them. Yeah, ok, lets reason with a 15 month old, there gonna look at you and say whatever lady. I have three, one is the honor roll, the one in K is getting excellent reports, and as for third, she is two just trying to make sure she pees on the potty every time.Put our foot down, and say no and knock it off. I read a Parent magazine, who said the same thing. I believe they learn there are consquences for their actions, but not right away . They just want that ball from the other kid or don't want to leave mommy and me right now. They could care less if they hurt Johnny in the process, or you. I have been nailed tons of times! They can't process like we can. They can't reason with an adult. All I know is I love Supernanny and want her to come to my house . They talk about how the generation is so out of control...well let's see, the teachers have no authority. My son, who is 12, had someone in his class tell the teacher, what are you gonna do about it, you can't touch me, I'm not scared of you at all, now that is sad. So DJM, the best I can tell you is keep it short and simple, they are only little kids. If they hit someone with something, take it away and say no, or if they take something from someone, same thing. Not this crap, now see johnny is crying cause you took the ball and he his sad, now you need to go and apologize, and what she learned if I knock johnny over and I can take his ball and now I have it. Not the Blah Blah Blah, we just tried to tell her. I did ignore the tantrums and they did go away after awhile, but not before I stopped taking her places-sorry I know you didn't want to hear that. The naughty chair concept just starting working for my youngest, and she is 21/2. She knows what it is, and what a spanking is.......Respect-not only for themselves, but everyone else, manners, good values, is what I am aiming for. Not a trophy of supermom-cause I am not, Oh and wait until those moms have their day, cause they will. They are the ones who pretend their kids are perfect-you know the not my kid theory. Just good kids who can grow up to become independant adults, who lead productive lives. All the while retaining our sanity, not so hard huh. LOL |
| posted by Melinda on 01/31/2008 09:03 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| You know I just think this subject is a hot 1 like voting and religion.Parents are never going to agree on the discipline of their children.Im sorry but I do believe in spanking.I do not however believe in letting anyone touching my children.I had 6 boys and 1 girl before I came to Michigan.I would get a call daily about my boys.Id say Oh God whatd they do now???Not omg who hurt em,lol.Cause I knew.I refused to let then hit my child w a friggin 1x4.I think that paddles are inhumane.You dont hit a kid w a fkg board meant to build a house with!!!Had a man from cps come out to my house because they were playing outside in the street w 10 other children during the summer and my x-hubbys x-wife called on me to be a bitch.The guy asked me if I spanked my children and I told him only when they do something horrible.He informed me that I couldnt touch them.I asked him if he ever hit his children and he told me it was none of my business.I told him you did and how can you sit there and tell me I cant.He says that he went to college and and that the ppl at the school went to college.I laughed at him and told him how fkg rediculous that sounded that just because you go to collge to be a teacher you are allowed to hit kids.I told him I had 1 yr of business and 1/2 yr of criminology and was going for my 4 yr in criminology and asked him if that sufficed in being able to spank my kids if they fkd up?He of course got up and only came back 1 more time for a follow up and gave me an A+ on his report.Now isnt that the stupidest thing you ever heard?I would tell the school that if the child needed punishing we would do it at home because I could punish my child in the worst way that they couldnt grab.My children loved games and hated isolation.They begged the teacher and the principle for a spanking instead of what they got at home.Then the school adopted ISS thx to me biotching and that was an even worse punishment for them.They had to sit at a desk in a lil room away from everyone all day for 3 r 4 days.Isolation hehehehe and work made up from the principal.So just like I say some states dont have it some do.Texas has spankings in school ;Michigan does not.The ppl that keep cps busy and hurt children;they are the reason behind laws being passed.Ppl go overboard but some do not.I guess we all have to make our decisions on what we are going to do.Some ppl are hurt and beat as children and if they dont break the chain and do whats right we will always have that problem.Within reason.Thats what we live by.WITHIN REASON |
| posted by Lexi on 01/31/2008 11:45 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| what ever you do don't give in to the tantrum. My son has his days but for the most part he is a good boy. You just have to let her know that you are the boss. I was never spanked as a child and I turned out just fine. Pick your battles, if they are not going to get hurt or hurt someone else I usualyl let it slide.The more you say no the more frustrated they get. |
| posted by Shelly on 01/31/2008 02:39 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Well I think I might have found my answer. She threw another wildly elaborate tantrum when I told her no to climbing up onto the ledge of our brick fireplace. I snapped, and lost my wits. I got down on the floor right next to her and started kicking and screaming and pretening to cry, in the midst of my doing this she stopped and just stared at me like I was a nut. I do not know if I got through to her, if she saw how ridiculous it looked. She was fine after that, and has been a perfect little angel since around 11 or 12. |
| posted by on 01/31/2008 03:14 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| lmao |
| posted by Lexi on 01/31/2008 03:55 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I can relate, my daughter is 21 months and has a temper tantrum about once a day. I do the same things that you do without much luck. I am hoping that repitition and sticking to the same methods will pay off eventually. I think that we are doing it right but it is just going to take time for them to understand what is acceptable behavior and what is not. The one problem that I have is keeping my husband and my parents on the same page. They tend to let her get away with things that she shouldn't which in the end makes it an even harder and longer process for me. If you pick up any good advice, please send it my way! |
| posted by Wendi on 01/31/2008 04:02 PM
|
|
|
|
|
A new study shows that parent training programmes fail to reduce behavioural problems in toddlers, suggesting that coaching on how to rear children may be a waste of time and money.
ADVERTISEMENT
On average, behavioural problems afflict every seventh child aged 4 to 17, previously studies have shown.
Aggressive or extremely defiant youngsters are said to have externalised problems, while those of kids who withdraw, or suffer anxiety and depression, are described as internalised.
Troubles in childhood often have serious personal, social and economic consequences later in life, experts say.
Left untreated, approximately 50 percent of preschoolers with behaviour problems develop mental health problems, including depression.
Besides the direct cost of treatment, there are social costs as well: unemployment, family stress or violence, drug use and increased crime have all been linked to behavioural difficulties very early in life.
One approach is to deal with the problems as they emerge through counselling, drug treatment, or psychiatry. But this is expensive, and not always effective.
Another tack is to try to nip the problems in the bud by discouraging the kind of parenting that can lead to troubled behaviour, such as unduly harsh discipline and unrealistic expectations.
For the study, published in the British Medical Journal, researchers enrolled 300 mothers and their eight-month old tots in the Melbourne area into the training programme.
Unlike earlier studies, this one looked not just at high risk families, but a representative sampling of parents and children from poor, middle income and wealthier families.
The scientists, led by Harriet Hiscock at the Centre for Community Child Health in Parkville, Australia, compared behaviour of the test group over an 18 month period with another set of mothers and kids who did not receive any special counselling.
The results showed very little difference between the two groups.
Mothers in the programme were somewhat less abusive and acquired more realistic expectations of how quickly their children would progress.
But there was no significant difference is the level of behaviour problems in the children, or in the mental health of the mothers.
"The outcome at two years are insufficient to support widespread introduction of a very early universal programme to prevent behavioural problems in toddlers," the researchers conclude.
This was from Yahoo front page today. |
| posted by Lexi on 02/01/2008 11:41 AM
|
|
|
|
|
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! I was going to start a post on this but then saw yours. Your story is EXACTLY like mine. We are the outcasts at The LIttle GYm like you at mommy and me. Last week he threw a fork at me at Sbarro, SOOOOO embarrassing. He was tough even as a baby so I was expecting this, but now he is at a whole new level. Just like your daughter. And we do the firm no, no spanking, and diversion, and praise also.
Just so you know that you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with your daughter. I always think something is wrong with him, but the doctor said no, it is inability to communicate and be communicated with (if that makes sense???). |
| posted by Jean on 02/18/2008 09:49 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
