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| Parents of Teens |
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It was thru my telephone conversation with my husband this morning, that I found out, that our son received another D in his final, and has been removed from his Honors Class and into regular class. I was so, so disappointed and upset.
He has been grounded since December-due to his November grades falling into the D and F. He knew that getting out of being grounded meant his grades had to come up. We did see him study for his finals, but it was not enough. Now, he is grounded until June.
Part of the problem is my husband.We discuss how we are going to discipline him, and he does the complete reverse with our son. My husband does not follow thru with the discipline and it makes me so upset. If anything he allows our son to continue his behavior, and enables him instead of resolving the issues at hand.
What would you do if you were in my situation? What positive note can you put on this problem that would open the eyes of my son & spouse to see that he does go to college and have a future? Where am I failing as a parent?
I told my husband, since Fridays are my days off, after school, we are going to have a sit down meeting, and discuss how we are going to turn this around.
Thanks for listening and helping me out. |
| Posted by esther on 01/29/2008 02:35 PM
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| I like the very last thing you wrote in your post. Having a sit down meeting and discussing this problem as a family is an excellent idea. There are no easy resolutions to problems, but I think you are on the right track. Talk with your son and develop a plan of action. Allow him to be part of the process. Consider his suggestions and add everyones imput to your plan. I am the mother of a 21 year old son and a 16 year old daughter. Both are doing quite well, thank the good lord. HaHa. I have always tried to make them very involved in decisions concerning any form of discipline. Often their imput is amazing and actually has required tougher measures than my husband and I would have chosen. Keep the lines of communication open with your son. Keep the connection strong. Work through this with love and be united as a family.Best of luck to you. |
| posted by karen on 01/29/2008 03:14 PM
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| My ss had this problem last year with his grades getting bad. He did get grounded, but for only about a week. He lives with his mother during the week and she canceled their internet service. It did help, but now if this happens again he will not be able to use his truck. Apparently he was surfing the net all hours of the night. Have you tried to sit with him while he is studying? Maybe he does not understand the work. Your hubby needs to follow through or what is the point of discipline. |
| posted by on 01/29/2008 03:17 PM
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Hi Esther, My name is Alba, I'm new on this site and I just was replaying to one of the messages and I reach to read about your issues, I have a teenager son, he is 15, he is disable and he is bringing "A's & B's", last month he brough me a "C" in history and I didn't accept that from him, I talk to him and I ask him why, his anwere was "I don't know" and I tell him to ask me for help when he needs even that my english is not my primary lenguaje and is kind of bad we when to review some of this notes, I went to talk to his teacher and try to know how my son can immprove that grade, they let me know that my son was getting lazy with homework even that the test was fine the grade fall down cause he is not doing homework, I tell the teacher that Im goin gto expend more time in reseach for him and get up that grade, I guess some clue that can help you out to you and your husband is talk to your son yes, but offer extra help to him. my son when back to the track and we are spending time together.
I Hope this can help.
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| posted by Alba on 01/29/2008 03:30 PM
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Background info: My son is a very bright child. His grades have always been A's. We have offered to pay a "tutor" to come to our home, as well as his teachers offering him "tutoring" sessions. He will go one day, and skip the next. He much rather be a "class clown" and attract attention in the classroom rather than being a good student and listening.
I like the idea of having him participate in his discipline. I am open to any and all suggestions. |
| posted by esther on 01/29/2008 03:56 PM
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Well I wouldnt ground him until June because that gives you no leverage at all.Oh well who cares Im grounded anyway.Umm who cares Im not gonna get to do nuthin til June.I think asking him what the problem is and telling him hes not gettin up til he does.Then I would make him put on a piece of paper everything that he likes to do wants to do plans to do recreational for the next few months and tell him okay we are taking all this away until we see at 3 weeks half term if your grades go back up.Then we will see what we give you back.Ask him what his punishment should be and tell him to be fair to himself.If a child has a limit and you help him set it to take it away,hes going to see just how bad he screwed up.Hes gonna do what he can to get his privs back.But til June Im sorry I see that as no good.Im gonna use this as an analogy please dont think me crazy.
If a guy is in prison for killing a man and theres no death penalty then he can kill anyone in prison that pisses him off cause who cares im here til I die anyway.
Thats how I think June sounds to a kid. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/29/2008 04:17 PM
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| Is this the only problem you are experiencing with your son? Have you seen any other changes going on, such as different group of friends? How long has he been in the honors program and what are his teachers saying? I have been teaching for 21 years and have encountered this problem several times with various students. |
| posted by karen on 01/30/2008 06:56 AM
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My son has always been a bright child.He is a sophmore and has been in the honors program when he went into highschool.
Today we are making the calls to the teachers and asking how he is doing in school, and who he is hanging out with. We just got the password yesterday for his grades on line.
He rode the bus today to school, rather than his father taking him. He was not too happy, but he did it.
His friends come from broken homes, or parents who work all the time, then spend the weekends without the kids. All boys maintain an A average or so he says.
Being an instructor, and from your experience, what can you advise me? |
| posted by esther on 01/30/2008 12:10 PM
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