 |
|
|
|
| Parents of Teens |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
I havent been active on here for many reasons, but here I am, seeking some advice...
My 15 yr old is a great kid, but in the last 2 months has snuck out of the house, smoked weed, got caught smoking by us at least 5 times, please keep in mind, that all of this has taken place while she is grounded for a minor issue...so now, she is very grounded. She also, two weeks ago got caught under the influence of ecstacy while at schoo, suspended, has to start a school mandated drug program for 10 days and then will be allowed back to school. I caught her sneaking in the house at 6:15 this morning, she had been out with her boyfriend. We had just given her back phone privlages LAST NIGHT! She started therapy after the school incident and that therapist told me, infront of my daughter that our punishment was too harsh. We had grounded my daughter for 6 months when we found out that she had snuck out the first time. So, almost all of this stuff has happened WHILE she is grounded. Aside from making her sleep with me, I dont know what to do. My mom has suggested a christian based program in Iowa! I have issues with trust and worry that someone may harm my daughter and since this place has a no communication rule for the first 6-8 weeks, how would she tell me if something were going on that shouldnt be. This is long, I know, but does anyone have any advice as far as a place to send her, why to send her...I just wish that I could teach her to make decisions that are good ones. |
| Posted by Shawna on 01/26/2008 02:26 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
I'm sure you could look into it. It wouldn't hurt. Make a list of pros & cons and see how you feel then. It certainly can't be any worse than what she is doing already.
Sneaking out of the house is pretty huge. There is obviously a little denial going along somewhere. She's gone doing who knows what at night and your punishment is 'grounding'? The time 'time length' doesn't mean anything if it's not effective or followed through.
Please consider sending her to a scheduled and strict environment. If nothing else she won't be with her boyfriend, friends and other negative influences, and she will have an opportunity to see other more important thins in her life about herself. She could have a healthy adventure and learn to like herself without drugs or physical attention from guys.
During this time the rest of your family may learn a few things about yourselves as well.
Just some random thoughts. |
| posted by Tina on 01/26/2008 03:53 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Hi Shawna! I'm not very active on here either, due to major business and computer sharing. However, I just happened to check the website today and read your post. I have a son who is now 16. We were having major behavioral problems that escalated way out of control due to his ED (Emotional Disorder). As hard as it was, we sent him to a Christian based program 7 hrs. away from our home. We investigated the place, set up an appointement to meet the staff and take a tour of the place before we ever signed any papers. We also had the "no communication" for the first 6 weeks rule, however, we were allowed to call there every day and speak to staff members every day. Although it was very hard, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life actually, it was worth every day that he spent there (1 1/2 years to be exact). He was in a safe environment with loving people who truly cared about him and his problems. He saw a therapist 1-2 times a week, he went to school right there on their campus, he was in a loving but disciplined home where there were no outside influences to interfere. I can't say enough good things about the place. My son still talks about the people there as if they were still involved in his life.
It is a very hard decision to make, but from what you've said, you and your husband may have to seriously consider a program like this. There are a lot of good people out there trying to do good things for hurting families. I know it's scary, but if do your homework and give these people a chance it may save your daughter from a lot of serious consequences; and you and your family a lot of heartache.
Sorry I rattled on and on, but I truly believe in these types of programs. I hope this helped. |
| posted by Crystal on 01/26/2008 04:20 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| We sent my son to a place in Battlecreek Michigan.Its an academy for kids 16 and up.They start in June and they are thru in Dec.They help em be disciplined and school everyday.They help em get their GED,Drivers License,a job before they get out.Its like bootcamp.Just as many boys are there as girls.They are not allowed to associate w the boys either.When you go and visit only u and hubby are allowed to go.Other then that christian programs are good if you have like 20 r 30 k for your child to go.That was the 2 i called and found on a parenting sight. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/27/2008 03:28 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| The reason they dont allow you to be in contact w your children the firt 6 weeks is because mom i hate it here i wanna come home please dear god take me home ill be good i swear ill never be bad again just get me outa here PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!Thats why you cant talk to them.Mom isnt going to come to your rescue.You did this now take responsibility and face the music.No one is gonna hurt them.Its the seperation anxiety that happens in those preciuos few weeks.They earn their rights to call ppl.I tell you 1 thing;Ima biotch ;but that boy that she was seeing would be talked too and banned from seeing my girl and brin g out the axe sharpening blade and sit him down and clean your axe or clean a gun and ask him how long he wanted to keep his ....well..... and ask him if peeing from a tube the rest of his life sounds like something hed want to do?Then Id go to his parents and ask them what they think they need to do w their child and maybe do a lil hinting around that you dont care jail isnt that scary for beating a minor to death.Your daughter is worth it.As far as your daughter is concerned.Tell her your going to come and be a volunteer at her school and have lunch w her and be there to pick her up everyday and get a hideabed for in her room and sleep there for now til you can get all this starightened out.I doubt that her bfs parents will want a maimed son and i doubt that he'll think your daughter is worth losing his man hood over.After all,all he wants is a good time.Well thats my advice.Others will say omg Lexi you are evil.Well after what happened to my kids nearly Thursday;Ima not in a good mood when it comes to the male species. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/27/2008 03:41 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Drugs unfortunetly are rampid everywhere. Most likely your daughter might be influenced by her "boyfriend", and it might be thru this person why she is dabbling in the drugs. The drugs are controlling your daughter, and her behavior, aside from the people in her circle. Before you send her off into a program for teens, talk with your local pastor at Church who can intervene in this situation or can refer you to someone who can.
What is your husband's role with your daughter's behavior? Where is he?
|
| posted by esther on 01/27/2008 03:46 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Hubby and I had a talk just now and heres what he came up with this.Hes more level headed then I am being a yankee not a southerner.Heres what you do.Find out where the boy lives and get an ordained minister or a preacher and show up at the bfs house w your daughter.Tell them that since your son is seeing and sleeping w my daughter then its time to give up the being a teen and face being a man.Bring marriage magazines and baby magazines.Tell them hes going to do right by her amd marry her.Ask them if they plan on letting them live w them or is he going to be under your roof?Ask the boy how he is going to support your daughter and if so when is he going to get a job night or day?If they start to freak tell them that the police can be called and formal charges can be arranged.Ask them whats best for them?Ask the mom if she would like help plan the marriage.Ask about tests for STD's and you should see if your daughter is pregnant and if they have room for a nursery if she is.Cause that would change the arrangements of living if a baby is in the picture.LMAO Let me tell you they will make sure that their boy never sees your daughter again and omg you will not have to worry about her either.You have to m ake it look like you are serious tho.I dont care if they are 15 r 16.Itll scare em to death.Like I said hubby is more level headed then I am.I like my idea the best lol!!!!! |
| posted by Lexi on 01/27/2008 04:27 PM
|
|
|
|
|
OOOOOHHHHHHHHH PLEASE have that video taped!!!!!!
Awesome and Amen! |
| posted by Tina on 01/28/2008 08:50 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| I, too, urge you to check out some highly structured places. You say that you are worried about sending her off somewhere and trusting someone else with her, but you don't have control right now over the kind of influences she's around. Chances are a place that works with troubled kids is going to be a better environment than the people she's hanging out with now who are doing weed and ecstacy and God knows what else with her. |
| posted by Kelly on 01/28/2008 10:46 AM
|
|
|
|
|
http://micheleborba.ivillage.com/parenting/2008/01/7_things_parents_should_never.html?nlcid=tk|01-28-2008|
This is from a parenting site called ivillage.This was just sent to me.Its an excerp done about 7 things you should never say to your tweens. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/28/2008 03:31 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Maybe they should change the title of that to "Things to Not Say First..." Some of those things are appropriate to say in given circumstances, so "Never Say" is misleading. |
| posted by Kelly on 01/28/2008 04:29 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I do not know what state you are in but Grand rapids Michigan has a place that is a ministry and its free for troubled teens that are doing what your daughter is doing.I called the missions in town and found out for my son but hes not into drugs so they turned him down.You might do the same in your area. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/28/2008 05:40 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Kelly my hubby needs to learn that lol! |
| posted by Lexi on 01/28/2008 05:40 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
