|
|
Ignore it. I know this is difficult, but do your best. Tell people that you want to raise your child yourself. You should be proud of what you do, and forget about what other people say. It sounds like you have a good balance- one day a week is exactly what I am looking for right now.
I do feel this every once in a while, but I remember that no one will do as good a job as me at raising my son, and that is exactly what I am going to do. When someone says that to me, it does bother me. But i quickly remind myself that there is no job more important than being a mother to my son and I'm not going to be pressured by anyone into letting someone else raise him. |
| posted by Marcia on 01/23/2008 03:43 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I agree - you have to just ignore it and do what feels right for you and what is best for you, your husband and your child. If all 3 of you are happy, then what's the problem right?
I have had the same sort of pressure. They tell me it's a waste of my college degree to be just staying home, and that it's in my best interests to encourage me back to work, but work will always be there, whereas your children are only young once.
Often there are underlying reasons why family tell you to go back to work, for example maybe your mother in law wants to look after your child herself, or feels a sense of regret because she never had the opportunity to pursue a successful career.
Just do what your heart tells you is right. |
| posted by Joy on 01/23/2008 03:53 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I get little comments a lot about working and when...My husband says that they are not meant that way, but he is just trying to stand for them. We have no choice but to ignore them, besides, none of their business!
|
| posted by Jensboys on 01/23/2008 04:02 PM
|
|
|
|
|
There is a difference between a few comments showing care for you and nagging/or insulting. Only you can determine which t is. If it's just the first then I agree with these ladies and you should just let it go. If it's the latter..then you will have to let people know that. Tell them if you took everyone's opinion as to who and what you should be then you'd not have a family at all and have 5 different careers and someone would still find fault with you. Gently remind them that I'm sure at some point with their decisions they have 'disappointed' someone in lives as well, and I'm sure they didn't like hearing it either.
This is your chosen career for the time being and it really isn't their choice, if and when you want their advice you will seek it out.
Since we are all human we will always let someone down sometime because we all take turns thinking we are better decision makers than someone else. |
| posted by Tina on 01/23/2008 04:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| My mother in law told me I should go back to work too (and more than once). I just told her as nicely as possible. Matthew and I agree that raising our children is my job and by far the most important thing for me to do right now. We have our entire lives to work and only a short time w/ our children. Thats how I handled anyway. Best of luck. |
| posted by Krystal on 01/23/2008 04:34 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| thank you so much for your advice. I agree with all of it. I wouldn't want anyone else raising my kid. Unfortunatly I am realizing that I will never make my inlaws completely happy. Its always something. Thanks again its comforting to know I am not the only one. |
| posted by Shelly on 01/23/2008 05:19 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| My wonderful in-laws have done the same to me.Everyone here in this group know how wonderful my in-laws are.Everytime they call because they want something not to just check on us they ask so when are you getting a job?I will not tell you in this post what I tell them now that I have had my belly full of them since last yr.Ima gold-digger and a bad person since I met this hubby on the net.He married beneath him.I ignore them because they are ignorant,suferficial and 2 faced.Im from Tx and we speak our minds and we dont care if we hurt your feelings if you provoke us.I had to learn that the hard way.He has 1 daughter w his x and she is materialistic ans manilulative because she lived at a sitters for most of her first 8 yrs of life.My Lexi will not be raised by a babysitter.If she has flaws itll be because of me and not a babysitter and other babies. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/23/2008 06:14 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Lordy look over that spelling I am eating and this laptop and me are not bonding. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/23/2008 06:18 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Ignore them! They are just jealous!! I don't know how many women have told me they wish they were in my place. Your daughter will love you for being with her. I truely love mine for staying home with me. |
| posted by JoAnn on 01/23/2008 08:18 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Have you tried telling them that you already have a full time job? One that is more rewarding and more important than any job you could find outside the home. The truth of it is that no one will take care of your kids like you will and being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs there is. Those that haven't done it can no understand the reward NOR the responsibility of it. Along with all the reasons why I wanted to stay home to be with my daughter, we just didn't think it cost effective to go back to work. I'd go back to work for a job that pays between $25k and $35k a year and all I would be doing is working to pay the daycare bills (and the additional medical bills from taking the baby to the doctor from all the extra colds and flus they'd pick up from daycare friends). That doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me... Of course this would be different if I was a high paid executive, doctor or lawyer, but for myself, it just didn't make sense. |
| posted by Stephanie on 01/23/2008 11:44 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Being a stay at home mom is the most important job there is. You are molding the mind of a child in hopes of turning them into a respectful, good, smart, productive adult one day. In-laws are nothing but a thorn in your side, lol I know better than anyone. Kindly tell them that they had their chance to live their lives and raise their children as they wanted, and this is a topic that is not up for review or discussion by them. You and your hubby know what works for you, and that is simply all that matters. If they are not putting food on your table, a roof over your head, or paying your bills, then it is no business of theirs. Sit down and make a list of everything you do, from childcare to cooking and cleaning, and laundry. Figure out the cost of a maid, a laundry service, a personal chef, a nanny or daycare, give them the list and let them know how much you do, and how much money you are saving by doing it yourself and staying home as opposed to going to work and having someone else do it for you! Trust me, it works everytime, it puts it all into perpective for any people who think you are sitting home watching soaps and eatting bon-bons while hubby is busting his butt at work. |
| posted by on 01/24/2008 10:02 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| OMG Dawn,I was going to say that I didnt want a lazy woman putting my child soaking wet in a playpen sitting in front of the TV watching Jerry Springer and eating bons bons.And if my child got too loud she hurt them.Told you if we lived close wed be best friends lol! |
| posted by Lexi on 01/24/2008 10:35 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Shelley I just heard a song: Clint Black" The Strong One" Go to yahoo music and write it in.Tell your in-laws to mind their own!!! |
| posted by Lexi on 01/24/2008 01:55 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I know that is what I do all day-sit and watch soaps and then I woke up. I can't even get 2 minutes to finish typing, in this one, I have been interruped twice. The bathroom isn't even safe anymore. Husbands wonder why at the end of the day we just want to sit by ourselves and not be bothered. We have kids crawling on us, they go to bed and well you get the picture..... |
| posted by Melinda on 01/29/2008 10:08 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Oh I am with you, My hubby comes home and wants to cuddle and lay on top of me on the couch, and all I want to do is be left a lone, because I wasn't left a lone all day lone at all not even to pee. He wanted to know why I never ask him to come into the shower with me anymore, I laughed, is he kidding, the only time I get to shower in piece is when either my daughter is sleeping or he is home with her...The shower is the only place where I can really be alone when I get the chance, I take it, like I want him in there with me stealing my alone time! |
| posted by on 01/29/2008 10:14 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Can you tell I am tired look at my spelling or lack there of, alone, peace, I do know how to spell, really I do. |
| posted by on 01/29/2008 10:15 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Omg I know.I have to lift my daughter up over the fence everytime I go potty.But she needs to learn now too.I have been letting her shower w me.I honestly havent been seperated from her.I use to look forward to my showers but her sleeping schedule has changed and I dont get to take 1 at her nap time anymore cause I have to walk to get the kids at the bus stop now. Hubby is sleeping and if she fusses for more than 10 min he freaks and I pick her up and bring her back in the room w me.And Ill be honest w yall,at night I walk the floors and Ill fall asleep then I ll walk the floors.I am paranoid now.I know that itll blow over.But I m sleep deprived now.Its going to take me awhile I think.I just dont feel safe anymore.I have prayed and I still get no relief. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/29/2008 10:54 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Alone time.. Someday that will happen. But by then, the kids will be grown and we will be back to work... I can't tell you how many times I got soap in my eyes, trying to play peek-a boo with my kids, or yelling at them to stop fighting. Do you remember the days of long bubble baths and reading books. AHHHHH!!!! I know the pro's outweigh the con's when it comes to staying home with your kids. My in-laws though have made it very obvious how they feel about me. I try not to complain about money, cause my sister in law says just get a job. Well my mother in law babysits for my sister in law (for free) and saves them a fortune, so she can work and have dual incomes, the fancy cars, gap.........That's ok though, no bitterness here.They would hardy every babysit for us. They can afford to get the parents the "nice" christmas presents and the extras throughout the year. |
| posted by Melinda on 01/29/2008 10:55 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Honey I know exactly how you feel we dealt with it for a ong time with my "inlaws" or as I refer to them, the darkside, or the "outlaws". They treated myself and my daughter like crap, and my hubby finally had enough. He tells people his parents died, that is how they are down in my daughters baby book, as deceased, they have no contact with us, and we have no contact with them, and my life and the quality of has definately gotten better. No more anxiety attacks before family functions, no more family functions gone wrong....As for the baby sitting, my "outlaws' were like that too, only they would watch my husbands son from a previous marriage, and they treated him like gold, but refused to do the same for my daughter, it got to the point where I was thankful, because I would not want my daughter exposed to their negativity, so I am glad they didn't watch her. I always had a vision that if they were watching her and my step monster, they would neglect her anyway and pay attetion to demon boy. |
| posted by on 01/29/2008 11:20 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| I also work one day a week, fortunately we don't talk to my MIL and my FIL thinks it is a womans decision if they want to stay at home. I would love to work more because my husband is a Linux Engineer and he and his boss both work from home 95% of the time. So it gets frustrating sometimes to always be with him. Cause even though he is home he is working so I have to get him what he needs and the baby also. So I feel like it is taking care of 2. I miss taking a shower with him sometimes but like you said it is my "Alone" time so now I take it when I can.. I think it is nobody's business if you stay at home or not. Plus with the cost of gas and daycare you would be working to fuel your vehicle and for someone else to be with your kid during those fragile years. Tell them you "think green" and it is better for the environment for you to stay home.... tell them something crazy. I am also from Tx. and live in MI. and I always speak my mind it is fun to do around here with a bunch of snobby people that always think they are right. I had to set some straight. I look at it this way. If my husbands family or any "friends" don't like to hear honesty and don't like me for me (cause the truth can hurt) I don't care my husband likes me and he is the one that has to live with me and our decisions nobody else is paying my rent or bills so unless they are they have no say so. |
| posted by Kristhal on 01/29/2008 12:14 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Yeop Kris I agree.I have 1 friend here in Michigan.Finally after nearly 4 yrs of being in this godforsaken backwards state! I am from a large family that likes to do things every time that there is a holiday and during the summer for bbqs,shrimp times,crawfish times.These ppl here are so busy and wrapped up in their everyday; most of them see their family's once in awhile.They plan last minute details.My mom knew in oct what she was fixing for thxgvg dinner and knew in nov what she was gonna fix and who was coming.These ppl live alot out of a box.Ima good cook and a baker; I love to make new things, plan and so forth.All the ppl I worked with and talked with; they dont see life the way southernors see it.They have a (I hate to say it )firm belief about ppl from the south.We are slow,illiterate,inbread,stupid,we do not know how to articulate the correct words for a conversation,(anotherwards we cant talk right)we dont know how to drive,esp in the winter,we shut down states for a lil ice and we suck.And some of the guys here have a delusin about southern girls(we're all easy).God help me.Ive been here too long and wanna go back home lol. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/29/2008 12:40 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| You know, does anyone else feel people try to make them feel guilty, or they are not busy, or better yet, not doing something important with their time??? Sorry this is gonna sound a little angry, but to heck with them. I like the way you guys think. If they don't like the way I raise my kids or live my life, shut up. They are not paying my bills, nor babysitting just adding negativity. So right now I am talking with the brother in law, he is im ing me, and get this they got the father in law an x-box for christmas. Can u believe it? |
| posted by Melinda on 01/29/2008 04:36 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Some people are easily bought, and some people prefer material tokens to things that come from the heart, my outlaws are like that, my sister in law will by my mil a coach bag for easter, who gets gifts on easter, the kids, the kids the kids, although I have to say my mil has the mental capacity of a child, she is not one. |
| posted by on 01/29/2008 04:54 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| The outlaws, that is funny. A coach bag, wow that is fancy. You are right, material things mean a lot to some and some people like me, just get used to not having them, so there is nothing for me to miss. My sil got my mil a nine west purse, and was disappointed when my mil made more of a big deal over my 10.00 celtic woman cd and paper shredder she wanted. She asked for the year before and noone got it, so I did. My sil made fun, but it was kinda nice to sit back and enjoy it for once!!!!! Cynical maybe, and believe me when I tell you Karma always finds a way to bite me in the butt. |
| posted by Melinda on 01/30/2008 08:15 AM
|
|
|
|
