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| Parents of Teens |
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| Well as some of you saw that I wrote about my step-daughter during the week and what her punsihment should be for what she pulled last weekend.She got here and I told her she was grounded all weekend and her dad of course told me no thats not what he going to do to her.She looked at me then pleadingly at him w her things in her hand.I told him bs she was grounded all weekend and we were gonna have a talk.He got mad at me left the room told her to go ahead and go to her room.She started her cry feel sorry for me bs.He of course argued w me and treated me like shite I went and got her out of room and made her sit on the couch and asked her why are you in trouble.CAUSE YOU DIDNT WANT ME TO GO SKATING!I of course about lost it!I said try again.CAUSE I DIDNT COME OVER THE WEEKEND AND STAYED AT MY MOMS!I of course wanted to go balistic.Her dad didnt say a word.My daughter doing the dishes said duh Sara you lied to mom and Jim.Shut up,she said.Jim said stay out of it!I said well apparently someone needs to tell her what she did wrong cause shes never going to admit to it.Well, he says thats why I was going to take care of it my way!I said yea, tell her she made you mad and didnt come over here.I said yes thats what she always gets from you. I said you never do shite to her ,but w my kids you put the friggin wrath on em.Well thats different he says they are here all the time.I said oh, okay.Thats a good reason.Then he says well your being a biotch.Well Sara smiled cause she knew she had started the argument w me and her dad to get the heat off her.He of course had to down me for about 1 hr and I told him straight out I wasnt gonna put up w his or bs anymore.He said Ill leave;I said please do and dont forget that manipulating trouble making daughter of yours cause I dont want her here anymore!He left and left her here.I told her to stay outa my sight,she got what she wanted more bs for me and her dad.She comes in my room and she says "I told dad to just leave it alone and Id take my punishment from you and he said he didnt want that.""I told him",she says.I said "FROM ME????"I said, "Sara your dad your dad needs to make you see what you did was wrong once again not me!"He comes back and he doesnt say a word all night to me.I finally told him I couldnt handle this bs anymore its not fair to my kids and its not fair to me.I said you better think this whole thing thru cause when I get a car im gonna leave.I ve had it!He said I dont know how your gonna save up for a car if we get divorced.I just looked at him.He went to work and he called me to tell me that he was sorry and that he was gonna have a talk w the kids.She of course snuck out of her room several times and got the kids to come in and play w her.Then she started acting up Monday knowing she was about to go back to her moms.Shell never change.I just dont know what to do.He did say to me last night while he was getting ready for work that he was tired of fighting over the kids.First w Dustin and now the bs w Sara.He said it has to stop its tearing us apart.I didnt say 1 word to him.He left and went to work.Ill let him work it out.Im thru w it!I am at my end. |
| Posted by Lexi on 01/22/2008 12:55 PM
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Try not to yell or raise your voice in front of the children. Including to swear, or embarrass your SD in front of the other children. I learnt this in counseling. When you feel your thermometer rising, walk away, leave the house, go to your room and shut the door, take your kids and take them out, anywhere-library, park, museum, grocery store anywhere. I learnt this in counseling.
What I see here are several issues, not just one. The marriage between you and your spouse is broken. Someone needs to fix it. By choosing counseling, you can get help for yourself. Then you can ask your spouse to come with you. This was easy for me to do, since my husband always told me I needed the help, rather than him. When we finally did go to counseling together, I realized that the problem was not me, but, instead it was him, and this is something he had to look at.
The counselor will advise on how to approach the children. They too have witnessed and put up with alot.
I used to threaten my husband that I was going to leave, divorce him, etc. The spouse gets accustomed to hearing this, and eventually tunes you out, or doesn't want to pay attention to you.
Counseling doesn't necessarily mean you are not doing your job correctly to raise the kids, it just sheds light in areas that need to be addressed and corrected in order to live in a healthy environment.
I am a firm believer in counseling. It was instrumental in our family crisis, with my son, my husband and what we were doing to each other. Our 5 year old was witnessing this abuse and beginning to act out what she saw and heard.
I went to the Marriage Counselor at Church. It was 100% free. |
| posted by esther on 01/22/2008 04:37 PM
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| When my first husband and I devoiced a couple of years later I remarried I have 4 children with my first husband and my husband now has two, and we later had a little boy together we had to go to counseling to help us blend our family it was not easy blending this last year things have got a little easyer now that my step-daughter is moved out and got married, she tried playing her daddy against me. We learned real fast that she needed to know what came first and that was our marriage because if we didn't have a marriage there was know way we were going to be able to blend a family our size. My children were the one to come and go on weekend and holidays. My step-daughter wanted her daddy all to her self. She was 10 then now 18 I had started resenting her for my husband and I fighting about her. It took about 2 to 3 year for us to work together like a family it took her daddy walking in on her and seeing her treat me the way she would and then try to tell him differ. It was hard for him to displian her because her mom lifed her when she was 5 not ever seeing her again. If your going to blend your family not only do you and you husband need counseling the whole family will. We went to a christain counselor. I feel for you there were days I didn't think I could live this way. My husband and I have a very close relationship it just brought us closer together. Your husband need to decide what important to him. If he put his daughter before the marriage it not going to work. See if you can get you husband to open up to you with out threats. My husband felt bad about putting his daughter through a divorce that way it was hard for him to displian his daughter. But what he found out is that she needed it from him and not me. I'll be praying for your family best of luck. KST |
| posted by Kellie on 01/22/2008 06:08 PM
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