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| Parents of Teens |
| Public online group |
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| Some of you have read about my step-daughter and the problems we are having.Well I am so beside myself Today I cant handle it.Because we moved we cant get Sara back and forth to school because unlike my children,she refused and pitched a fit and wouldnt change schools.Because of the change she comes to be with us all summer and every weekend and the holidays we have her all the time.Well for xmas she lied and didnt spend 1 week w us because she said she wanted and missed her mom.I know when she says that its her friends and she has plans.She did.Her mother took her shopping 1 day and she spent the rest running the streets w her friends.Mainly the 1 that is seeing boys and the older sis has slept w a boy age 14.Last weekend she called her dad and said that she wanted to go skating cause she hasnt got to in week.Hubby got mad and told her what ever Sara that means that you wont be here but 1 day.She said Ill come saturday.Well saturday rolled around and she took off and turned her phone off and we didnt hear from her til 900 sunday.Her mom calls and wants to know why we didnt want Sara over here this weekend.We are like WHAT???Come to find out she had a date and told Sara she had to come over and Sara saw it as a "oh good I can have the night to myself w who ever cause moms gonna be gone maybe all night w her date."Her mom told us she didnt know her phone was turned off.Then Saturday her mom told us that she got sick and didnt feel good and Sara took off on her.Now like every beginning of the yr so that Sara can run her moms house she gets us all in a fight so that we dont know whats going on in her moms house and she cant get in trouble for running the neighborhood.Her dad got on the phone started yelling at her for lying to him and she started crying telling us that she didnt say that her mom was a liar.Then she told her mom that we were liars.Her mom tells us that Sara wants to come and live w her fulltime and that shes going to the lawyer to make it so.She pulled this last yr also.After having 3 months of freedom; she pulls this every yr so that she can stay at her mom and be the boss.Her mom is an alcoholic and doesnt do anything but drink after work and pass out at the table nightly.(every yr she pulls this and for 6 months every 1 is mad at each other and she gets to run the streets w her friends and we dont know anything that she does).Then she lied to her mom when her and hubby got off the phone and told her mom that he was gonna beat her when she got here and was gonna punish her.She calls back a gain and I have to tell the mom that that is another lie of Sara so she can go running yet another weekend and not come here.And she doesnt want to face the consequences of her bs!She calls last night and asks if we can go to the movies or can she bring some movies to rent?What are we going to do this weekend.He told her we'll go do something.Im like wtf???I told him I DONT EVEN THINK SO!!!She is going to face the punishment that he made my teen face and shes going to get in trouble like he does to my blood kids that I am friggin tired of the double -standard bs when his precious daughter does something and he claims shes at her mom and I cant do anything about it!!!He of course got mad at me and told me its n ot double standard and its different when it comes to my kids.I of course nearlt blew a circuit!I told him shes grounded all weekend and she isnt gonna do anything just like he does to my kids.He told me thats my idea and I have to be the 1 to tell her shes in trouble hes staying out of it.Yes thats right ;so I ll be the heavy!I am asking for help.I need advice before I do something I cant take back.I am sick of her actions and her manipulation.If it was my kids that would have pulled this then the world would have ended.He would have freaked beyond belief.They would have been popped,grounded,punished for days in their room.Her he wont do a thing unless I make it so;then she can be mad at me.Help!!! |
| Posted by Lexi on 01/17/2008 10:20 AM
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| It sounds like the three of you (parents) need to try and work together. I know that this is easier said then done, but it would be in the best intrest for your sd. It also sounds like you man does not want to be the "bad guy" when it comes to punishment for his daughter, and I don't think it is fair for you to do it alone. |
| posted by on 01/17/2008 12:38 PM
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Nothing we can say is going to change this situation because the parents involved don't want to change it.
My suggestion for you would be to take your children and go away for the weekend. Then you won't be in the middle of it and your children won't be watching this drama. |
| posted by Tina on 01/17/2008 04:21 PM
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Well he claims that he thought about it at work and he said he needs to do more w the kids not be so abrasive and be more lenient w the kids and not lose his temper so much.When Sara comes over he needs to do stuff w her.I told him thats all fine and dandy when she isnt going to be punished and he told me she wasnt going to be and I told him bullshite!He went to bed and I called my 1 and only friend here in Michigan and she told me that if I am not allowed to discipline his daughter then he will not holler or jump on mine.When he got up from his sleep and the kids got home I asked them in front of him if it was fair to them that she not get punished and they told him no its not.He of course told me to leave them out of it and I told him what message is that going to give them???He said okay she can be punished off ceratin things but she will play w/ the kids.I told him bs.She is going to get the same punishment as mine or Im out of here and I mean it.Later before he went to work, he told me hes going to make sure she knows its all my doing that shes punished;that he was just gonna have a talk w her!I called him on his way to work where we finished the discussion and told him ,BS!!! I told him,we will be equal on this punishment w her or Im leaving!I told him I am sick of the mental abuse w the kids and Im not gonna put up w it anymore.I told him I am at my end w her trying to pull her bs ,and him always downing my kids to what he thinks they should be, not what they are inside their hearts.His daughter had a dark side with jealousy and self-centeredness and other things I will not bring up on this sight.He refuses to see it or believe it.
Tina if I had somewhere to go your idea would be wonderful.But somehow I think that she would love if I was to disappear ;so that she could have her dad back all to herself and play him the way she plays her mom. |
| posted by Lexi on 01/18/2008 11:24 AM
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I'm sorry Lexi, I wish I knew how to fix this for you. Unfortunately people trying to live happily in these situations have incredible odds stacked against them.
I am very sorry for you and I hope that you find happiness and comfort in the near future. |
| posted by Tina on 01/18/2008 04:25 PM
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I WAS a step child, and so are my siblings I'm helping to raise. You have to be the better person (which you already are) and work with the other parents.
Put your foot down that since you are in the family, you are a decision maker too, and that it has to be that way.
These situations are awful. Best of luck to you. |
| posted by Nicole on 03/28/2008 12:28 PM
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