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For the most part, I do agree with you. It isn't that simple for me though. I find it acceptable so long as he's present in the relationship 100%, but on the other hand, if he were really present he would find another way to blow off the steam (if in fact, that's why he's using porn) or to meet another need.
I've found similar emails, messages and text messages. That crosses a line for me, but I haven't done anything about it.
I'm not in the best relationship either and it's difficult. It's not as easy as people say - "just leave, he's not worth it, you deserve better than this." It's so much more than that. |
| posted by Mouse on 05/19/2008 11:53 AM
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| Thank you Mouse for your reply. It's nice to talk to someone out there that is going through something similar. Also, thank you for joining the group. Seems like the group is finally growing. I'll have to get on more often. Thanks again. |
| posted by busygirl0219 on 07/04/2008 03:04 AM
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| Busygirl! you probably have it good the problem sound like it's your fault to start with! Why don't you tell everyone how you try an alienated him from his children or your always a nasty negative bitch! And as far as the porn why don't you tell them how you watch twice as much as he does in fact he was against it but kept catching you watch it and you pushing it on him. NO! Not saying I'm perfect far from it, but you don't help with the bills you blow your money" I pay for your Mountaineer, the insurance, the house, the lights in fact every bill we have! You always through up that I would not let you succeed that was 3 years ago when you were caught doing what you were doing. Sound like you got one of those biproxys! |
| posted by busygirl0219 on 07/04/2008 11:34 AM
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| And now you see ladies this is just the type of man that would go on my post site and write nasty things about me to you. Sorry, this is the real busygirl this time. My other half, the bottom half, wrote the other stuff posted above. How low and self of him to do this. Again I'm sorry. |
| posted by busygirl0219 on 07/05/2008 04:04 AM
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| Oh, and by the way, the history on the computer is erased so besides covering being on here, I can bet you he looked at porn again. @#%*&@!!!! |
| posted by busygirl0219 on 07/05/2008 04:07 AM
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| Oh, and by the way, the history on the computer is erased so besides covering being on here, I can bet you he looked at porn again. @#%*&@!!!! |
| posted by busygirl0219 on 07/05/2008 04:08 AM
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| Oh, and by the way, the history on the computer is erased so besides covering being on here, I can bet you he looked at porn again. @#%*&@!!!! |
| posted by busygirl0219 on 07/05/2008 04:08 AM
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| i am in the same situation my husband wants a threesom i dont roll like that he talks alot of shit to me our marrgie is not all there he always says he is with me cuz of our kids. |
| posted by maryann on 08/06/2008 07:01 PM
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Mine too! He has his moments where he is supportive and then totally flips out on me and tell me he can't stand me and to get out and he'd rather pay child support than live with me.
As for the 3 some thing, I wouldn't do it, it will only bring resentments. |
| posted by busygirl0219 on 08/08/2008 01:03 AM
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| I just found out that my husband has been looking at porn online and actually set up a MySpace account with a seductive picture of himself to meet people for sex. I confronted him and he told me that he misses me and that he needs to be more intimate with me. We are trying to work it out. Personally, I hate that porn is so readily available online and it hurts me that he would resort to that instead of communicating to me what his needs are. Anyone else have this problem? |
| posted by KRISTA on 08/20/2008 09:20 AM
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Wow. Sounds familiar. Mine uses his myspace account to correspond with other ladies from his past and present in a most inappropriate manner. I'll be honest, I checked it for myself to find out if that's what was going on. He's even texting these women now.
I'm not sure what feels worse, knowing that I snooped or finding this. Any thoughts?
I have thought about why I snooped. I don't think I was driven by insecurity. He will not talk to me when I address my concerns directly. He denies any involvement and calls me crazy... which doesn't feel good either. I feel nuts sometimes. |
| posted by Mouse on 08/28/2008 02:03 PM
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Hi Mouse,
Don't let him make you think you're crazy because a woman's intuition is her best friend. I suspected something was going on and I was right. Even though he says he hasn't done anything with anyone-and I want to believe him- I still have a nagging feeling about it. Trust is a huge building block of a relationship and when it's not there it makes everything more difficult.
I'm at a point where I feel like I have to "walk on egg shells" to keep him happy in the sack. Thank God for anti-depressents or I'd be an alcoholic! |
| posted by KRISTA on 08/29/2008 01:51 PM
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Krista - your response really validated my feelings, I appreciate it. I strongly agree with you about that hunch - our intuition is amazing. I've been working on trusting mine. It's difficult to trust someone so close to you when you don't even trust yourself.
Thanks again...
Hey, check out the list I'm creating in the List/Resource section of this group. Walking on eggshells isn't fun. There's a good chance there's something outside of yourself that's contributing to your feelings. |
| posted by Mouse on 08/30/2008 12:35 AM
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I wanted to share with everyone what happen in my relationship with my husband.
Before we were married... I caught him in several lies. Looking at and trading pictures online and chatting. I tried to tell him that it wasn't ok with me and that there is ALWAY escalation. He told me that I was crazy. For some reason I didn't follow my hear and thought.. "Maybe he's right.. maybe I am over reacting." I let it go.
Then one morning I saw something that really bothered me and after doing the math and actually realizing what had happened I confronted him about doing "things" with the web cam. He said he was sorry and didn't know what he was thinking. The webcam soon left the apartment.
Then I caught him talking to someone who's profile sound.. quite frankly like a slut. He had invited her to a movie and given her his work number. HE had been chatting with her and he got caught up with the excitement of talking to someone who didn't have any responsibility behind her.
That's when I lost it and stood my ground! This was NOT ok! I deserved better than this and HIM! I felt used, lied to, embarrassed for trusting him...
He started trying, doing better. We moved. Then one day I figured out that he had been calling those dateline numbers.
He then had no choice. He could get help.. or help me pack. He chose to get help. We have since gotten stronger and closer than ever. We have a beautiful little girl and one on the way. He knows that I have passwords to ANYTHING online and that I occasionally check his phone records. This was part of our compromise and is NOT and option. I had to take control wether he liked it or not. I couldn't live the way we were.
I sometime remind him, if he gets pissy, that we had our chance to leave years ago and chose to work it out. Relationships are hard, but if everybody is working as a team... you can't loose.
So many of the things online and TV make it seem ok to look or chat. Then they wonder why too often relationships go straight down the drain. I know that we may be an exception and that other men may not take it as far but many take it much further. We as women and wives shouldn't have to remind our loved ones to faithful.. |
| posted by Salina on 10/09/2008 01:40 PM
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| well i know that men try to be all slick my husband was talking to some girl i found out by looking at his cell phone one day and i beat him down !! he said he was sorry he wont do it again .. just when i think things are ok they get bad i think my husband is a sick man !! im not in to threesomes or porn i try to please my man but nothing works !! its hard but hey little by little im trying to make my marggie work he trys to but hes just a freak im not !! now hes faithful and the only thing we need to work on is the threesome but little by little i hope things will change !! |
| posted by maryann on 10/09/2008 02:23 PM
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