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| Cosleeping Babywearing Breastfeeding |
| Public online group |
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| About a week ago I stopped breastfeeding my 18 month old to sleep for naptime. He was very dependant upon it. I just put him in his crib at naptime and let him cry it out. The first few days he cried for the whole hour that he was supposed to be sleeping. He never cries when I put him to bed at night. He just goes right in his crib. Anyway, now it seems to be much easier. He only cries for maybe 5 minutes and hes sleeping. I am so relieved to be done breastfeeding and cosleeping but it was a bonding experience that I won't forget. I was always too afraid to let my baby cry it out in his crib. I thought that he would feel abandoned but this is proof that it really works.(with no harm done*) |
| Posted by Lisa on 12/21/2007 01:53 AM
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| OH, another thing....and I hope this doesn't sound inappropriate but... For those who have stopped breastfeeding already, do you notice a change in your boobs? I am not sure if my boobs are lacking their youth because I breastfed for too long or because I gained a lot and lost a lot of weight from pregnancy. |
| posted by Lisa on 12/21/2007 02:01 AM
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I'm very surprised that you would find it appropriate to brag on an attachment parenting group about the barbaric practice of leaving an innocent 18-mo-old alone in his crib to "cry-it-out." Be aware that--from one day to the next--you replaced warm nurturing comfort with cold abandonment. You have risked breaking what is already a fragile trust between baby and mommy.
How does his crying for an entire hour for the first few days--and then only crying for five minutes every time since--lead you to believe that "it really works" with "no harm done?" All this proves is that your child continued to believe in you for days until he finally gave up on you. The fact that he continues to cry before falling asleep (even if only for 5 minutes) only proves that he is unhappy with the new arrangement.
I would urge you to do some more research on the benefits of attachment parenting (which this group endorses) rather than giving in to the modern hype of the "cry it out" method. |
| posted by Elena on 12/21/2007 10:06 PM
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You may find the results of this study from Harvard interesting.
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html
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| posted by Elena on 12/21/2007 10:08 PM
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| At first I took offense to what you said but you are right. I was just ignoring his cries because the doctor told me that it was no harm to let him. I did some research online and looked at your website and I've changed my mind. |
| posted by Lisa on 12/28/2007 12:40 AM
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| Thank you for telling me. :-) |
| posted by Lisa on 12/28/2007 12:41 AM
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Lisa and Elena,
I just read both of your posts, as well as the article in the Harvard U Gazette. I am a SAHM to my almost 12 month old son and am still breastfeeding.
He slept in a cosleeper next to me, with my arm over him all night long, his first 6 months. Once he was too big for it, he very easily transitioned to his crib (falling asleep at the breast) and when he woke at night I brought him into the spare bed with me and nursed him. My husband would sleep separately as he was afraid to suffocate him. My son has always been an extremely restless sleeper and also wanted to nurse all night long... Neither of us were getting much sleep in this arrangement. In addition, he stopped going to sleep at the breast and does not like to be rocked so, I could no longer get him to sleep. Or, get him back to sleep when he awoke at night. The only thing that worked was holding him, walking and bouncing around the house for a very long time- which would be fine except that he is almost a year old- he's heavy and I couldn't physically do it anymore. This went on for several agonizing months. I tried everything.
I consider myself a very affectionate, loving mother. I was at a total loss and looked all over the internet, asked everyone that I knew and posted a cry for help on this site under "Stay at Home Moms". The only responses that I got were to let him "cry it out". I was not willing to just leave him there, so I sat by his crib and rubbed his back, etc., moving a little further away every 3 nights, always letting him know that I was right there- but he still cried. After less than a week, he was excited to go to bed in his crib, cooed when I laid him down and easily put himself to sleep. He wakes at night and I feed him once, and lay him back in his crib and he is fine. The other times that he wakes at night (usually only once) I listen closely (he's right across the hall) and can tell if he'll fall back asleep on his own or if he needs me. If he does, I go in and rub his back or hold him and he goes right back to sleep.
After reading the response to Lisa's post, I feel horrible, but don't see what I could have possibly done differently. I do think that it was extremely harsh, Elena, and although it was not aimed (directly) at me, I do feel that it was aimed at 'people like me'. I do understand where you are coming from but you must have no idea what it is like to go through what I did. I'd like to know what it is that you feel I could have done differently? You have made me feel awful. I am trying to do what is right for my child, as I would hope that all Mothers are.
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| posted by Lauren on 01/10/2008 01:50 PM
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| I am so extremely upset by this posting that I joined the group just to reply. I am a mom to a 10 month old girl. I think it is so extremely rude and inapropriate to tell anyone how to raise their children, or to make them feel guilty of choices they have made. If anyone EVER told me that what I am doing with Averi was wrong or makeing her feel anyless loved I would punch them in face. I think Lisa sounds like a wonderful mom who is doing the best she knows how with the choices she chooses to make. There are so many things that contribute to being a good mom that it is nobody's business to point out faults or criticize our loyalty to our children whom we love and would die for. I couldn't breastfeed Averi due to complications, so I had no choice but to give her formula. I was so full of regret and disapointment about it that I cried while feeding it to her. I felt like I had let her down. But than I came to REALITY and understood that I hadn't let her down just because I couldn't do one thing that everyone said was "the best and only way" of feeding her. Averi is just as healthy and happy and that is all I care about. If letting your child cry themselves to sleep a night or two is what you feel you need to do to achieve a quality of living due to lack of sleep than that is what you need to do. I think having a sleep deprived mother is a lot worse for a child than crying for an hour here or there. What needs to be done for your child is only for you to deside and NO ONE can tell you other wise! |
| posted by Christine on 01/10/2008 02:45 PM
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This is an attachment parenting group. Attachment parents believe that CIO is *wrong.* If you are going to post about how CIO works with "no harm done" on an attachment parenting group, you are going to be told that attachment parents believe that CIO is wrong. If you don't want to read it, it might be best that you hang out in a different group.
Lauren I think you did a great job. I did a similar thing to night wean my son when he turned 1 year old. Weaning a baby slowly from needing Mama to go to sleep is quite different than putting a child in a room by himself and leaving him to cry for an hour.
I tend to be quite blunt and I forget the "politenesses." Sometimes this results in people feeling that I was harsh, which I don't mean to be. But I honestly think that CIO is extremely harmful to babies. I am going to comment on it harshly just as though the person had written that they beat up their child and "no harm was done."
I know I am going to get comments about how horrible I am to compare CIO to beating up a child, but this is how I feel about it.
This is a public site. We need to be able to post our opinions and to agree to disagree. :)
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| posted by Elena on 01/10/2008 06:19 PM
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Dr. Jay Gordon has a great article on how to humanely night wean a child when more sleep is needed by both child and parents. It is at:
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
I also highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's "The No Cry Sleep Solution." She also has effective and humane recommendations for helping a child to learn to sleep by him/herself and for transitioning the child out of the family bed. |
| posted by Elena on 01/10/2008 06:24 PM
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| Elena, I just wanted to say that I totally agree with your comments. This is an attachment parenting group. Why join the group if you do not believe in this type of parenting? |
| posted by Amy H on 01/11/2008 04:06 AM
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I agree with Elena on CIO- I did not agree with how it came across. I don't think that Lisa intended to do ANY harm to her baby, otherwise she would not have posted that here. Obviously she thought that she was doing the right thing. As soon as she read Elena's post she changed her mind, so, the point was made. But, I'm sure that Lisa is feeling horrible and as much as I don't think CIO is the way to go, I don't think that Lisa, or any mother trying to do the right thing for THEIR baby, should be made to question her love for her baby. As strongly as Elena feels, even she has said that it may have come across a bit harsh.
Elena is right in that, we need to be able to agree to disagree- but not at another Mother's expense. Lisa has gotten the point. I'm sure.
Thanks, Elena, for the link to that website. That was very helpful. Had I thought to ask here what to do about my sleeping issues with my son, I think that the whole process would have been less traumatic! I have a question for you. I'm going to start a new thread so that it doesn't continue this discussion, which, in my opinion, is getting way out of hand. It's about waking too early. Please check it out. I'd like to know if you have any suggestions for me.
Lisa, could I ask how things are going with you? If you are having a hard time with sleeping, Elena did have a great link posted and I have tried the book that she suggested as well. It did not work for me, but, I have heard of it working for other Moms. I may not have been doing exactly right either. My son is a very strong willed, so, that could be it, too. I bought the book "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West, and although I did not follow it exactly, it was very helpful to me. I'd be happy to discuss with you how I did it. If you are interested, send me a message or start a new thread. Maybe others will have ideas to share as well. |
| posted by Lauren on 01/11/2008 08:34 AM
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| Thanks everyone for your comments. I really am only trying to be the best parent that I can to my son. Oh, and yes, Elena, you made me feel really bad at first but I am not the kind to let others influence my feelings. I read what you wrote and I looked up information and upon that I did decide to change my mind about my method. As of right now, I am having a hard time getting my son to sleep only at naptime. However, I do have to say that waiting with him in his room until he falls asleep does make me feel a lot better than hearing his cries. I still dont have an exact method of getting him to sleep especially since it's just naptime thats the problem. At night, he always just goes into his crib and off to sleep in minutes. So, we are still working on it, but I'm sure it will turn out for the better. I'll have a look into that book too and see if there's anything that may help. |
| posted by Lisa on 01/26/2008 12:40 AM
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| Lisa, naps were hard for us, too. If you are interested, I'd be happy to talk about what worked for us. It was a little hard at first but now is as easy as night time. Send me an email if you would like. |
| posted by Lauren on 01/26/2008 08:44 AM
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Sure, but I don't know your email.
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| posted by Lisa on 01/27/2008 05:44 PM
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| Sorry, it's lalak01@comcast.net |
| posted by Lauren on 01/28/2008 10:09 AM
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