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| Raising Boys |
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My son is 19 months old and he loves to push my buttons. He refuses to listen and repeatedly does things he knows better than to do. I have been dealing with the same things for 6-7 months now. I have tried telling him no, spanking and time outs. Nothing is working. I have been blocking things off he shouldn't touch and moving things from his reach but he is persistant, he will still find ways to get to things or try. He laughs at me when I tell him no and spanking has no effect, he doesn't even seem to feel it. I am going crazy here and am very stressed out. Also all he does lately is cry and I can't figure out why. I have done everything possible to calm him but he is unsoothable most of the time. If anyone has any advice please help, I am desperate. Thanks!!
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| Posted by Kimberly on 12/18/2007 03:22 PM
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| i really dont have any advice but i just want to let you know your not alone my son (who is now 4) does the exact same thing he loves to push my buttons and has for at least 2 yrs. spanking and time outs dont work he just laughs and runs away it is very frustrating. does he still get naps durring the day and enough sleep at night it might be why hes so cranky and as for pushing your buttons try distracting him with fun things he likes to do like coloring or playing game or even sometimes tv works for me. well i hope this helps even a little or even the fact that your not alone on this one i think it might be kinda a boy thing. |
| posted by on 12/18/2007 04:32 PM
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Hi Kimberly
I started taking my son to what is called a coop preschool once a week and he just turned three . A parent is required to attend and help out and we alternate between parenting class and working parent. Anyway, the class proved beneficial to me. I found out that time outs don't work until the child is 4 years old since they do not understand the concept yet. They do not recommend spanking. The recommendation is to praise the child everytime he does something great so he repeats that behevior. If the child is being mean to lets say a family cat/ a younger sibling, that sibling or cat will then have to go on a time out not the child. You will have to say to him/her "I will not allow you to do that etc" then remove what he is hurting..go in another room. 1 minute for every age. So my son is 3 years old so I usually take my 18 month old with me to another room for 3 minutes. Anyway, that is just one example. They say that they usually just wants attention and if you pay attention to negative they will repeat that behavior. Also, that by taking away what he is hurting, he will realize that he does not get attention by hurting, things/people disappear. The educator also pointed out that when kids feel better they do better and it is a cycle. When they feel bad, if we consistenly remind them that they are bad, they feel badly about themselves and will continue in that path. I don't know if this helps but it has certainly changed my son a lot. There is a lot more that was said about the topic on discipline but I don't think I have the room. Lots of luck to you!! |
| posted by clindy on 12/18/2007 04:42 PM
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| I have soooo been there! Some books that I really like are: The Men They Will Become, The Happiest Toddler on the Block, How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and How To Listen so Kids Will Talk. Also really modeling how to talk about emotions: "You're mad aren't you? Your really frustrated and you don't like that" I tried spanking too, it doesn't work and we feel crappy afterwards, totally not wort it. Hang in there, you are NOT alone. Are there any mother's groups in your neck of the woods? Mothering is intense, all of our time is devoted to the care of another person (or people) and we come last lots of times, be kind to yourself. |
| posted by AM on 12/18/2007 06:24 PM
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| Also, find your local head start and have him evaluated, something may be up physically. |
| posted by AM on 12/18/2007 06:27 PM
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| Thanks for your advice, I hope it helps. We are going on vacation tomorrow so I guess this will be a good time to test it out. Happy Holidays!! |
| posted by Kimberly on 12/19/2007 01:25 AM
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Hi Kimberly,
I had to reply to your problem because I am so there with you. Every time I talk to the pediatrician, he tells me "It's a boy thing"....and I have 2 boys....one's 4 and one's 2. I stay home with them all day, and by the end of the day, I have to leave the house to keep my sanity. I have resorted to carrying a wooden spoon for intimidation purposes! LOL...it doesn't work initially, but, when I give them a swat on the but (as recomended by my Dr.), they seem to fall in line...at least for 15 minutes. Anyhow...if anything works for you..would you let me know? I'm just as desperate, times 2!!! LOL...have a great holiday! |
| posted by Rene on 12/19/2007 10:48 AM
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| Nothing is working for my son yet. He is the most determined and stubborn child I have ever known.I can take him away from whatever the problem is at the moment and distract him for a while but in the end once I think he is fine and distracted or focused on something else he goes straight back to the same thing. I am trying my best to be patient and see if it's just a phase. Most likely terrible twos starting early. I'm trying a new method now of isolated time out just because he thrives off attention of any kind so much. Hopefully that'll work. If not I might go insane, but that goes along with the job of being mommy I suppose. Once again thank you for your advice, and if you think of anything else feel free to let me know. Take care everyone!! |
| posted by Kimberly on 12/31/2007 08:41 AM
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Hey Kimberly. My son is currently 15 months and has his moments of acting up too...usually it is when he's overly tired, hungry or is bored. I try to address those things first CALMLY and then if it's just his human nature acting out...which is bound to happen (and yes, usually in a more physical manner than would with most girls) I clear out the clutter of toys and noise and we do something calming for both him and me.
I've noticed that the more stressed and anxious I'm behaving, the worse it is for my son.
He's too young to understand the purpose of a spanking and at this age I would be tempted to spank only out of my own frustration and anger...which is inappropriate usage of a spanking. If spanking is used it should be for rare and consistent instances as well as at an age they can understand that this is a specific consequence (usually from ages 2-6 is most effective)
Anyway, didn't mean to get on that subject. Sounds like your little man is frustrated...how are his language skills right now. 19 months is awefully young...I'm sure from his perspective, the world is such a huge frustrating place right now...try to calm it down for him (and for you!) Don't forget to smile and praise when he's not misbehaving...and remember...love him and don't be afraid!
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| posted by Kelly on 01/11/2008 08:29 PM
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Just think!! That tenacity in him will be awesome in adulthood! He'll stand up for his beliefs and not back down. :)
But in the meantime....sigh.
I'd keep him by my side. That way, you could catch him in the act. He knows the pleasure of getting into the no-no because he gets to it before you can stop him. He needs to learn that touching that thing (whatever it is) will only bring negativity. It might wear you out, but the consistancy will be worth it. Just give it a week or so. Keep him by your side. Give him your attention.
Also, he is just a little guy. He probably laughs because your reaction is funny. Try being animated when he's doing something good for a change. Kids, especially smart ones, will do whatever it takes to get your attention whether it's positive or negative attention. That might be it, ya know. |
| posted by Kristy on 01/19/2008 08:47 PM
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| I have a 19 month old as well and he too likes to push my buttons. I have tried spanking, time-out (which he totally did not understand), and ignoring him. Ignoring him works the best, unless he is doing something harmful. He hates it when I ignore him! He well do whatever it is for a few minutes and when he realizes that I am not going to look or react to him he does something else and if that is a good think I make a big deal about it. I will go sit with him and ask him questions, play or whatever interaction I can with whatever he is doing. It has worked so far for us but every child is different. I hope you find something that works, I know how frustrating it can get. |
| posted by Heather on 01/20/2008 12:41 AM
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