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| Stay at Home Moms |
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| Getting Romantic?Whats that???No more spastic rendeveus/children wake up at the right time always.No more romantic bath times w candles.Squeezes in quality time w your spouse.Any suggestions or comments? |
| Posted by Lexi on 12/13/2007 12:51 PM
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| Well I'll be the first to comment then.I have noticed that since we had Lexi;my hubby has been more withdrawn.I think it has to do with all the added responsibilities that he has now w/ a bigger family.He use to be very selfish w/ his time w/ me and now it has to be shared more w/ Lexi then the other children.He came home the other day and informed me that he has lost himself.I of course, looked at him and said now you know how I feel.He, of course replied ;this isnt about you.I told him I know how he feels.lol I told him what he was feeling was what 1/2 the women in the world feel after having a baby and being stuck at home w/ only the children 24-7.He said I feel like I am only a dad and a hubby now.Where did I go?The old me?lol I tried not to laugh.Im not being cold okay?But months ago I tried to make him understand the same exact thing and I was being stupid and over reacting.Hes the same person and hes right here.He hasnt gone anywhere.lol I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he had no idea.I said do you wanna split up to find yourself?Do you need time alone?Do you need to go out w friends?He doesnt have many cause they were all alcoholics.Later on that day he informed me that he and I needed some alone time to find "us" again!Now remember that a few months ago I was over reacting when I said the same thing.So now I am trying to invent ways for he and I to have more alone time and more romantic sneak in times.I have no family here and yall all know what his family is like.Well thats my dilema. |
| posted by Lexi on 12/13/2007 02:25 PM
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| No one has any comments on this subject?Hoe to find romance after children?How to find time to go out and rekindle lost romance? |
| posted by Lexi on 12/14/2007 11:56 AM
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Ok great subject!
First, these are just my opinions from almost 20 yrs of marriage. We've been through al most everything I think.
Romance and sex is an absolute must. My husband says all men want to be wanted like they are the hottest thing out there. So do women. But how we go about it is very different.
Men want to be seduced and attacked, women want to be seduced and cherished. Women don't understand why men can get frisky at 11:15 pm after a horrible day... That's actually when they need it most-after a stressful day to rebuild their confidence.
Women want to be flirted with for hours before the actual act.."Sex begins in the kitchen" came from that.
Plan for both of your needs.
If you have little ones vary your schedule- instead of a.m. shower take one in the after noon while the kids are napping or better yet, have hubby put them to bed while you take a bath.
Or switch to a Saturday/ Sunday morning, get up early and surprise him.
Take time out each day (ex. 15 min) to freshen up before you see him. Email or call with flirting on your mind.
Pretend there is a lady trying to get his attention and use your own jeolusly to motivate you.
Do something sweet just for him without expecting anything in return, and he will do the same for you when you least expect it.
Ask him straight out..what can we/I do to make things a little more interesting? Then he will at least know that even though you are very tired you at least care.
My husband surprised me in a marriage class when he told the group that he didn't care about any room in the house except for his bedroom. That as long as he knew he'd come home to a clean room and made bed he was happy. Because of that I pick it up and make the bed before I leave the room to clean any other. It made a huge difference because I had always left it for last and dumped laundry in it.
KEEP LAUNDRY OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM.
There's so much to say but one other thing that is very important--
take care of your self. Men want to have pride in their wives. They will work 4 jobs to be able to say they can provide a clean home and a nice looking wife to their peers/friends. Go to thrift stores buy new clothes that fit and are attractive. Give yourself new rules- NO sweatpants, lotion feet and hands each day, let him see you paint your nails and toes. WEAR PERFUME! Wear heels at home. Dress like a lady twice a week, at least.
In this day and age there isn't a single reason to dress like a slob. I buy stunning dresses for $3.00 at thrift stores.
If he wants to buy Mc Donald's for dinner to ease your burden surprise him with--"If you don't mind I'd rather spend the $20 on a new nightie for us.."
If you show interest then he will bend over backwards to get you there
:)
hope this helps
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| posted by Tina on 12/17/2007 05:37 PM
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| My husband and I have had a hard time adjusting to that also. I have learned how important it is to have "adult" time. Our marriage depends on it. We have gotten in to the habbit of feeding our daughter her just before bed meal a little earlier than we actually plan on going to bed just to ensure a little uninterupted alone time. We have also gotten into the habbit of being a little more spontaneous...on the babys schedule of course. |
| posted by Stephanie on 12/17/2007 09:55 PM
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| Omg Tina, I am such a slob.Ty for the advice.If you only knew some of the stuff I wear.He always comments on it.He hates my clothes and yes he does comment on his Tx. wife to his friends.Here I am in my pjs all day long.Boy thats a turn on huh?I just got my hair cut last week finally.I never paint my toes anymore and he use to love that.I have def. let my self go since the baby.I dont even get out of the house much anymore; because I dont want to use the gas up that he needs for work.I do make our bed after he gets out of it.Hes a 3rd shifter; but I must admit, I do put laundry baskets all the bed and he yells about it.I love your advice.Ill def. use some of it. |
| posted by Lexi on 12/18/2007 11:03 AM
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Lexi, don't get discouraged dear, get pro active.
Write things on your calender for you to do or leave yourself a note on the kitchen table if you have to for the next morning so that you don't put off taking care of yourself then get too busy to get around to it.
The best gift a mother can give her child is a loving relationship with her spouse. They'll learn relationship from watching you.
Today my 16 yr old daughter wanted to read my email and I covered it w/ my hand. she backed up and said she was sorry and I said it was ok, its just that Daddy was flirting w/ me and I didn't want her to read it. She said " I didn't know a wife flirted w/ her husband" I then took that teachable moment to tell her that if I didn't someone else would :) Especially someone as attractive, loving and considerate and great provider like her father.
Getting married isn't anything special these days- STAYING married is a full time career! |
| posted by Tina on 12/18/2007 03:39 PM
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| Yes and ty Tina.I loved the site.It was just what I needed to perk me up.Ill def. keep going there and reading it.I love seeing what women write; as I use to go to women's retreats all over Texas w/ a friend who lost her life to Ovarian Cancer 2 yrs ago after an 8 yr fight w/ it.She absolutely loved stuff like that site. |
| posted by Lexi on 12/19/2007 06:40 PM
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