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Today Daddy and I had a little argument. We have had a few little differences since the baby was born which I figures would happen regardless. Well today our agrgument was about him taking the baby to his moms by himself. Our son Tyree just turned two months old. From the day he was born I have been the main caregiver and has spoiled him rotten. He loves his mommy. Don't get me wrong Tyrone helps me a lot with the little things and Tyree loves him also but the baby and I just have this bond. I tried to explain to him that I don't think he should take the baby by himself. Tyree will go with other people but he is only content for about an hour when his mommy is not around and them he raises hell. Tyrone does great with the baby at home because when he gets to upset he can give him to me or my mom but I don't think he would be able to handle him on his own. I also tried to explain to him that as a mommy I just am not ready to let go yet and let Tyree go somewhere without me. I tell him all the time that the baby and I have a bond that he will never be able to understand. I think one day I will be comfortable with him going to others houses without me but right now the only person I am comfortable with leaving him with is my mom. And even sometimes with her worry and miss my baby.
Has anyone else had any differences with daddy?? |
| Posted by Nichole on 12/08/2007 04:05 PM
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Chill out Nichole. Be happy your husband wants to spend time with your baby. If the baby freaks out, your husband will just have to learn how to deal with it; he's going to have to sooner or later. Ya gotta let go. All mom's have anxiety when it comes to someone else caring for their baby; even if it's the baby's father. Believe it or not, dad's have a paternal instinct. He may not do things the same way you do, but that's ok. Your baby will learn the two of you are different and love and discipline him in different ways.
Allison |
| posted by Allison on 12/08/2007 04:31 PM
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I think you do have to let Dad handle things, and your son needs to be able to be content with people other than you. I know that you have a special bond with him, but that will not be broken if he is happy with someone else for a while. It is fine for now, but before you know it, he will be clutching your leg screaming if you leave, and believe, me, that is much worse.
That said, I do understand your not wanting to leave your baby. My son is 14 months old, and I still have a hard time leaving him. So if you miss him too much, just ask Dad to hurry back for that reason.
I want to be gentle here, but I must tell you that it Will put a strain on your relationship if you continue to doubt Dad's ability to care for his son. And telling him that you have a bond that he will never understand- while that is true- is kind of like a slap in the face. It will make him feel left out, inadequate, and maybe jealous. Don't shut him out. You are lucky to have a man who so readily helps, don't make him resent that.
I hope you are not offended. I am only trying to help you avoid making these disagreements worse. |
| posted by Marcia on 12/08/2007 08:01 PM
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| Nichole, I had a really hard time letting my baby out of my site for a very long time. My hubby was a bit nervous to take him out on his own anyways, so we didn't have that problem. I had to leave him with my Mom and sister for appts, etc. and my hubby, but, that was in our house and I was the one leaving so I could come back any time I wanted and it was always ASAP. Your son is still very young but you do have to trust his Daddy to be able to take care of him, especially if you trust your Mom. It is his son, too. Maybe you could leave your son with his Daddy while you run to the store or something, instead of having him take him out of the house somewhere- at first. As much as Moms have a special bond with their babies, Dads do as well. It's different, but, just as important and you have to allow them time together to build that bond. |
| posted by Lauren on 12/08/2007 08:11 PM
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| yes have got to let your hubby do things for your son. Be glad he wants to!!!!! yeah the baby may get upset but let your hubby learn how to handle it.what would hapen if something happened to you and you needed him to be there. It is awesome he wants to take the time alone with your son. Daddy wants to be able to bnd just like mommy. My husbadn was scared to change our daughters diaper when she was newborn and said he idnt want to hurt her, i saidI was the same was the same way but someone had to do i, we couldnt let her sit in a durty diaper all day so he started doing it moreDont get mad at me for sying this ,but. that also has to make your hubby feal like crap when you say you trust your mom but not him.he has to learn how to handle things just like weas mothers do. |
| posted by Natasha on 12/08/2007 10:07 PM
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| Also I do hate leaving my daughter who is 23 months old but sometimes I have to, and I am glad she will go to other people without me. |
| posted by Natasha on 12/08/2007 10:10 PM
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Nichole,
When I told you to 'chill out' earlier, I meant that in the most loving way. Just wanted to clear that up. In addition to what I wrote earlier, I just wanted to add a few more things. I think it is beneficial for your husband to get out of the house with the baby and without you because his behavior will be different. Amazingly enough, without you around, he will probably be more confident with the little guy. And, if he's not, he's got his mom around to help. She raised him, so he's probably eased by the fact that if your son has a melt down his mom can offer some suggestions to smooth out the situation. At two months old, all infants are good for about an hour and then start to get fussy. Just remind him of this and he'll probably be ok.
My husband's dad lives pretty close by. When he comes over to see the baby I make it a point to leave. As hard as it is sometmes, I want each person in the family to form their own bond with my son without having to be scared that I am going to interject.
Pick your battles with your husband. This is definitely not one, but something that should be encouraged. (Just make sure your husband knows how to use the car seat.)
Good luck,
Allison |
| posted by Allison on 12/08/2007 10:43 PM
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I know exactly what you are going through. I had to go to the hospital for FOUR DAYS when my baby was four weeks old!!! It was absolutly heartbreaking. Our son had to stay with his daddy all by himself. I was TERRIFIED mostly because my husband knew nothing about babies. I thought for sure that Connor (our son) would starve to death or get some kind of horrible flesh eating diaper rash. or cry himself sick. And of course, my milk would dry up and my baby would forget me forever. It was VERY hard to be without him overnight for four nights.
Well, I had my surgery and my husband brought our son up to the hospital every day. Nobody was hurt and my husband learned his own way of taking care of Connor. Now they have a special bond too, which I think is important.
Maybe you could leave the two of them alone together for an hour (at your house) or two while you go to lunch with a friend or to a movie. It may still be too early for you, which is OK!!! Just explain it to Tyrone and maybe his mother. It sounds like maybe she wants to get to spend time with the baby too.
You have to remember to take time for yourself.
I've heard the following statements before, and I think they are very important and TRUE.
"The best thing a daddy can do for his baby is to love his mommy."
AND
"The one of the best things a mommy can do for her baby is to take care of herself."
-Author unknown.
I hope this helps.
Liz |
| posted by Liz on 12/08/2007 11:25 PM
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| Believe it or not, it is a good thing he wants to take him. If you are not ready, I understand that, Baby steps as the case may be. Let him take for 30 min to an hour. But the earlier the baby gets use to other people, the better. I am having a problem where my daughter won't be in a daycare so I can go to the gym because she was always use to having mommy around. It will make your life a lot easier in the long run. Trust me. |
| posted by Cara on 12/09/2007 09:42 AM
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Nichole, I think you're extremely lucky that your son's father wants to take him. I would literally be ecstatic if my husband wanted to go out with our son without me. Our son is 9 months old and I've been the main caregiver - the one who does all the feeding, diapering, getting him ready for his naps, etc. It's one of the drawbacks to being a SAHM. Since I am the one doing all of this, whenever my husband tries to do it, our son fights him more than he does with me. Ian doesn't eat as well for Jesse as he does with me. They haven't been able to develop a bond like we have because Ian always runs to mommy for comfort and whatnot. The one thing I have learned is that the next kid has to have time alone with my husband. Their bond needs time to develop. It's not instantaneous like it is with mommy.
The one regret that my husband had when Ian was that little, was he didn't get the time alone with him. We had family over on weekends taking up his time. He works all day and by the time he got him, Ian was ready bed or fussy. He needed the time to bond as I'm sure your son's father does as well. |
| posted by Jaxon on 12/09/2007 02:39 PM
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| My daughter is almost 5 months now and my husband is wonderful with her! He wants to help and gets frustrated when she seems fussy with him but not with me. I am a SAHM mostly but I do work occasionally when my husband is home with our daughter. NO, he is not Mommy, but I value my time away (it reminds me that I have value as something other than a Mommy)! That is incredibly important! Right now, our daughter is going through a bit of a separation anxiety stage and she fusses whenever she is not with me..in the same room, etc. However, she needs to learn that Daddy is good too and Daddy needs to learn how to comfort her...! These are much easier for both of them because I am NOT home...hard to learn all together but if I am here, then no one can learn it...because there I am! Tyrone and Tyree also need to have a special bond...Daddy/Son bonds are so special and you need to let that happen! My daughter has a special bond with her Daddy but right now, the one with me is a bit stronger because I breastfeed and stay at home mostly! I can't wait until she gets that really great Daddy's Girl thing going on though! I want that to happen, and part of it is leaving her with my husband now...so they can be buddies! |
| posted by kendra on 12/10/2007 07:32 AM
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