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| Parents of Teens |
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| My daughter just turned 16 yesterday and she is growing up to fast! For the past 2 years,she has been boy crazy and for the past 7 months,she has a boyfriend....how do you deal with this? How do you let go and let her be a young woman? Her and I have always been close and we can talk about anything but there are times when she really shuts me out. And this boyfriend thing just really scares me especially since nowadays teens are growing up to fast and anxious to experiment to soon. |
| Posted by Mary on 12/07/2007 02:48 PM
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Hi, Mary! Welcome to Parents of Teens!
You are a little ahead of me on this one. My 16yo SON is avoiding growing up and my 11yo daughter, though boy-crazy, is way too young for "letting go" in that area.
The only thing I can suggest is that letting go gradually is probably the best method. If was too young for car dates last year, she is certainly not ready for overnight trips with her BF this year (those are hypothetical situations I pulled out of the air for examples).
The scary part is that I know what I was doing at 16, and would like to discourage either of my kids from doing that at 16 - but where do you draw the line between giving your teens appropriate restrictions and being just plain overprotective?
Anyone else have comments on this? |
| posted by Kelly on 12/07/2007 03:03 PM
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This is just my opinion you can leave it if you want------
We told ours that they weren't allowed to date until 18. Then over time we casually pointed out why using their own friends as examples. Showing them that when their friends dated for instance while participating in a sport their scores went down and they missed out on other opportunities. My daughter learned to watch how her girlfriends "Lost themselves" in their peers/boys and recognize unhealthy changes.
Boy crazy can certainly be changed. It happens due a focus problem. When our teens think that the world only is revolving around their "group" and "that's all their are supposed to think about".
Help can be done showing them the world is bigger than they are and their hormones.
3 days/nights per week can be volunteering in a shelter or hospital or anywhere actually. (If your daughter attends public school, you can get a list of places from the office, if she homeschools -ask the Youth Bureau).
Seperate her from the negative influences, more and more over time.
Have her read to underpriviledge students, Get her a job, volunteer at a nursing home reading or helping in someway.
Have her start planning her future, college? Where? What state? What is there and why would she want to go there. What about a missions trip to a poorer place? They even have them in the Appalachians, NYC and tougher city neighborhoods as well as out of the country.
My daughter worked for two years w/ during the summer at a Farmer's MKt. Do you know what she saw? All of the pregnant teens coming with their kids and food stamps and very very difficult lifestyles and once in a while some dirtbag lazy boyfriend..... She has no interest in getting in that situation at all.
Like I said, boycrazy is just a symptom of another issue. Either lack of confidence inself, peer pressure to have one, or lack of a passion or interest elsewhere, and shortsightedness.
You can lick this no problem. Just stay calm and be creative while your redirecting her focus, and don't take no for an answer. :) |
| posted by Tina on 12/07/2007 03:14 PM
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Hi Mary,
I am not looking forward to this with my daughter. Have you met her boyfriend? Is she just dating him or are there other boys? I am asking because when I was 16 I had one boyfriend, we were together for 4 years. I think if it were my daughter I would be ok if she were only dating one boy long term, then dating several. I would explain the pros and cons of dating and sex and all the stuff that comes with it. I also think the posts before me had some great advice too.
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| posted by on 12/09/2007 07:35 PM
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