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| First Time Moms |
| Public online group |
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| I'm a first time mom and always said I wouldn't let my baby sleep in our bed. While on a trip my husband and I decided not to bring a portable crib and let our 6 week old son sleep with us. He sleep so well (almost 5 hours one night) that I thought it wouldn't hurt to try it at home. Now he falls asleep in our bed and eats twice during the night. If he is really sleepy I can transfer to his bassinet, but this is rare). As a little guy I'm finally ready to do whatever it takes to get him to bed but I feel I may be creating a monster. My husband is happy that I'm giving in to the family bed idea because he expressed it makes him feel like we are a unit (our dog sleeps at the foot) and he likes the warm pack feeling. I on the other hand grew up an only child and like to have a lot of space, literally and figuratively. I had planned to keep adult time and adult stuff separate from baby time/stuff etc. I like being an adult but the baby has now taken over our whole household and world. I love this baby more than anything and am so happy we have him but I hate thinking that I have to give up everything including my bed. Is this so selfish and even if it is, is it possible to be a bit selfish and still be a good mother? |
| Posted by Vanessa on 11/27/2007 12:27 PM
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| Vanessa no you are not selfish, and yes you are a good mother. I wish I had put my daughter in her own bed from the begining, she is 20 months and is still in our bed. But I knew she felt safe and comftable in the begining and said I would move her when she was a little older than a few months, but my Fiance insist on her being with us, yes we need our adult time and I would sugest to start now and put your son in his own bed as it will be much harder later on! Good Luck |
| posted by charise on 11/27/2007 03:35 PM
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Hi Vanessa,
My husband and I also share our bed with our 2 dogs and our daughter who is 6 months old. We had her in her own crib in her room at like 4 months, but she would last only an hour. Now she can sleep pretty much the whole night and we all sleep so much better. It is a choice that you have to make, my husband and I do have adult time, which is very important. I have read so many good things about the "family bed" or "Co-Sleeping" . Good Luck on what you choose!!! |
| posted by Kelly on 11/27/2007 09:37 PM
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| I never put my daughter who is now 22 months in bed with us and am glad I didnt. Dont feel bad. My daughter is my world but sleeping ny herself has been great. |
| posted by Natasha on 11/27/2007 09:38 PM
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| my son didn't like sleeping on his back when he was bornand was also stuffy and i was scared with the tummy sleeping so we slept in the armchair for a month and took naps in my bed.... finally i gave in and my son slept with me and my hubby and my 2 dogs until he was 4 months old.. then he started to kick and punch me... so we played the whole musical chairs bit moving him from ctib to my bed throughout the night until finally it was and still is just crib to rocking chair 1-2 times a night... he sleeps his whole night now in the crib but i sometimes wish he'd have stayed in bed with us... cause those times when i'd wake up and look down at him.. oh wow.... it was special |
| posted by roxanne on 11/27/2007 10:24 PM
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We absolutely adore our baby. We waited a long time for her to get here, and our world definitely revolves around her.
From the beginning, I wanted her to be in her own bed. On vacations, I bend the rules (and ATM since her teeth are erupting and she's very needy at night).
Hubby loves having all of us in bed together, but me, I need to have a little bit of alone time with him. I stay home with her so I am with her constantly during waking hours. For my own personal sense of happiness, it's so important to maintain my identity as his wife, not just being "mommy". That means I need Hubby to myself for part of each day.
Though I have to admit, I love waking up and seeing those big hazel baby eyes smiling adoringly at me.
Some people find a happy medium-putting baby to bed in his own bed and then bringing him to your bed after one of the night wakings to spend the rest of the night all together.
And it's not selfish-you do need to do a few things for yourself, because being a mother is the most self-LESS thing,
and too many moms often let their own needs (whatever those might be) go unmet.
Everyone's situation is unique and you just have to decide what works best for your family! There is no ONE right or wrong way to do things. |
| posted by Bethany on 11/27/2007 11:39 PM
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| I think I figured out the solution. We had bought a natural arms co-sleeper but had not set it up as a "co-sleeper" which I finally figured out how to last night. It still took awhile to get Vinny to fall asleep but he stayed put a lot better, I think because he could still see me. By morning he was between us again but I don't mind bringing him over in the morning. I did get a much better night sleep. Thanks for all the replies. I shared with my husband the part about having to be "mommy" 24/7 (since I definitely feel this too as a new stay at home) and he seemed to understand what I couldn't put into words last week. Luckily the dog has reverted to sleeping in her cage this week. Don't know why (she really likes her crate) but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. |
| posted by Vanessa on 11/28/2007 01:18 PM
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I could not sleep with our daughter in bed with us either. I am afraid of rolling onto her. However, she was sick last week and would not sleep anywhere but in bed with us. Now she is back to her own bed and not sleeping well while being held. I am SO glad that we started out so strong with putting her in her own bed all the time. This allows me to get a lot done during the day while she sleeps and allows me to have a better night's sleep. I am ready to move her from her bassinet in our room to her own crib in her own room over night, but my husband is not. I think it is comforting to him to have her in our room. She only wakes once a night and when she does, she does not wake him...I hope to be able to transition HIM to letting her sleep in her own room after Christmas! She couldn't care less...as long as she is on her belly, on her own, she sleeps fine!
Being a mother is all about the baby MOST of the time but I think the bed is a place for Mommy and Daddy...whether you are being intimate or not, I think it should still be reserved for the two of you. It is still alone time when you can be adult and together with the baby in his/her own safe place! Bed is time to be selfish! |
| posted by kendra on 11/28/2007 04:00 PM
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| I was like you..i was always against "family bedding", I thought one..i want my time snuggling with my husband and being "adult" with him.. I also figured either my husband or i would roll over on the baby... but the first night home from the hospital i was so afraid that something would happen to my son or that i wouldn't wake up if he wasn't in the bed..not to mention with every squeek and moan the baby made i was up out of bed looking at him. we happened to have a little sleeper (with protective sides so we wouldn't roll on him) so i put that in the bed under the premise that it would only be until i understood his noises in the night..when he was just grunting, dreaming or needed something.. well that few nights turned into a month..so we decided that for the first month he would sleep with us.. then for the second month he would sleep in his bassinet in the room then the third month on in his crib in his room...now that i have been reading up on sids..i am afraid of him sleeping in his own room until he is 6 months or so.. and.. after the first month when we were going to put him in his bassinet..i almost cried the first night..i missed my baby.. so we decided (or i guess i did) that during the week, he would sleep in his bassinet..and on the weekends he would sleep with us..that way..he is used to sleeping alone..and when he gets older... he can still sleep with mommy and daddy on the weekends..you know..a little movie snuggle night.. but on the weekdays..he had to sleep on his own..(and mommy and daddy would get adult time) that way, i get best of both worlds..and i know that it is very comforting to a child to be able to snuggle with mommy and daddy..also..this way..when he does get older.. mommy and daddy don't have to go to bed around 8 when he does..becuase he is so used to falling asleep with us.. and on the weekends he can stay up with us.. i honestly think this plan is the best for us.. this way we all get what we want...and he has adapted very well..honestly i don't think at this age he could care less where he sleeps..as long as we leave him alone (which idon't tend to do if he is in the bed with us) and daddy jokes with me that he is always int he bed in the morning when daddy wakes up..cause i end up falling asleep with him on my chest after his 5am feeding.. (god i love the feeling of my baby laying on my chest..and he sleeps a lot better that way too) so, as others have said..you have to find what works for you..but it is important for us mommies to still feel like a woman/wife sometimes too and not just a mommy..good luck (and just remember.. how many teenagers do you know that sleep with mommy and daddy? so even if he does sleep with you now..he will eventually want his independance and want to sleep alone..hopefully sooner than teenage..but you never know;) |
| posted by Charlotte on 11/28/2007 08:23 PM
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