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Living with a recovering addict

My significant other is a recovering addict and still takes a daily med to prevent cravings. When he doesn't have his meds he can be very grumpy and short with me and my daughters. We've been together for over 2 years now and I see his improvments but I also am having a hard time dealing with the emotional rollercoaster. I know that most children base their relationships on what they observe. They're not blind or deaf so I know they can sense my stress and I don't want that at all. What can I do to ensure balance and peace in my home?
Posted by Pamela on 11/08/2007 04:18 PM

I recently left my husband due to his drug use. We were evicted once and almost evicted a second time until I decided that it wasnt good for any of us having the constant stress. My son is 3 and I know that he watches and feels everything. I moved so that I can try my best to provide him with some stability and so that he can have a positive life and not feel all of these bad vibes anymore. Im not saying that you should do the same as me....However sometimes I think the mother has to step up and protect the child from things they cant protect themselves from. Be a covering for them in order to preserve their peace and innocence.
posted by Sonya on 11/08/2007 04:24 PM

I left their father for some of the same reasons. For some reason it is harder to leave my boyfriend than it was my ex-husband. I guess I see this wonderful side that loves to cut up and play with the girls, he picks them up when I work late, etc. I just don't like that one side of him. I know I can't change him, I just don't know why I can't seem to let him go.
posted by Pamela on 11/08/2007 04:34 PM

Dont feel guilty about it. People aren't perfect and we aren't super woman. Love is a funny thing.
posted by Sonya on 11/08/2007 04:41 PM

Thanks for the encouragment Sonya. I'm co-dependent so I'm always trying to "fix" someone. That's another area in my life that needs a lil work!
posted by Pamela on 11/08/2007 04:49 PM

It seems like I have to be reminded of what my real priority is because I feel so bad when my husband doesnt have money for gas or whatever, but there is always someone there to keep pushing me and who wakes me up and says...."you have to worry about you, so that you can worry about your son". We all need encouragement.
posted by Sonya on 11/08/2007 04:51 PM

Try making it a point to have those adult talks or disagreeable words away from the girls. Parents should have a united front in the presence of children, even and especially when things are not so united. It gives the girls a sense of secruity and makes for a better you which in turn makes for a better parent. This I know, and is still a work in progress for me and mine. lol So just talk to him a stress the importance for having a united front. :)
posted by busygirl0219 on 11/13/2007 01:12 AM

HI PAM~ IN ALL HONESTY I DONT THINK THERE IS A HAPPY MEDIUM I AM IN A SIMLER SITUATION BUT DIFFRENT BECAUSE IT DOESNT INVOLVE ANYTHING LIKE YOU BUT WHEN YOUR JUST UNHAPPY YOU CANT COVER IT UP! I OFTEN HAVE VISIONS OF BEING W/SOMEONE ELSE AND ACTUALLY HAVING I LOVEING,CARING HOME LIKE I HAD GROWING UP! YOU NEED TO CHAT I WILL LISTEN TAKE CARE! HAPPY HOLIDAYS GERRI
posted by gerri on 12/22/2008 01:01 PM

I completely get what you are going through since I was an addict once. This is the most up and down rollar coaster that you will ever experience in your life. However, the truth of the matter is that one day you just have to stand up and say that you are going to look this demon in the face and not it run your (or in this case his) life anymore. The more that you face your cravings and urges the more empowered you become when dealing with them. Reach out to a NA group (or something similar) that you both can attend. Sometimes just being able to look at people that are going threw the same struggle or have overcome it can be the best medicine. I hope the best for you guys, don't give up!
posted by Jacqueline on 12/22/2011 12:55 AM

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