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| Stay at Home Moms |
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| Hi guys. I have been a stay at home mom for close to a year now. I have a 2 yr old and a 2 month old (boys). At first it was great - all day with my son! But I started getting so bored during my 2nd pregnancy. I wanted to go back to school, but I kept thinking to wait until after my son is born and he's ready for daycare. Now that he's two months, i'm starting to find myself "bored" again. It's not that I don't love being with my kids, don't get me wrong, I do. But I am in a new town where I don't know anyone and I miss that interaction with other adults!!! In Chicago, before we moved, I worked full time in the tourism industry doing finance. I use to CRAVE spending time with my son because it seemed like I never saw him. Now Im craving that adult time! My 2 month old in my opinion is too young for daycare. Since I have the options, i'd like to wait until he's a year before I put him in one. But I don't know what to do in the meantime, it's realy starting to bother me a litte since I am alone in this city and my husband owns a business so he is there all day. I do the bookeeping and stop by his shop when im bored but that is just not fullfilling enough. Ok, i went on and on. Any suggestions or ideas on how to deal with this "emptiness" i guess that im feeling? Has any one ever been down that road before?? I feel like I sound so selfish!! |
| Posted by nicole on 11/07/2007 11:27 PM
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You're not selfish. I feel selfish too when I get those yearnings...like I'm regretting my child or something. But, that's a lie. You love your boys; I can tell you do.
Whenever I get bored or feel lacking somehow, I try to remind myself that God has chosen me to rear our son...me!...and this is a huge calling that He is equipping me to do. So, what do I need to do to rev myself up...to be encouraged..to refresh my womanly side so that I have the joy again? Prayer is huge! Also, I do something little throughout the day...I scrapbook a page, I take Micah with me to a favorite store, I read a chapter a day in a book that isn't about being a wife or a mother...a REAL book, I find someone else that needs encouraging and spend some time doing something nice for them, I write letters, organize recipes, plan next years garden...whatever it is that makes you feel more like "you"...and just do it. having the 2month old makes it harder right now as he demands much of your time and attention. Negotiate something with your husband - tell him how you want to be a good wife to him and mother to your sons, but you are feeling drained of it...and you need a break...call it "nicole time". Maybe start with an hour or two a week that you reserve to go and get a coffee or something chocolate or go walking or running or whatever it is that you love to do.
It'll make the difference. As for the day-to-day...I get so bored too...But I remind myself that this time is going to go by so very fast, then our children will be grown and we'll be clamoring for time with them. So invest now...give yourself a break or two sometimes...and pray for joy to return. It will!
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| posted by Kelly on 11/08/2007 11:07 AM
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| Hey, Nicole! You are not alone. I've been a SAHM for a year, too, and I also find myself bored at times. When that happens I'll either take my son and go for a walk, or if he's sleeping I like to read a book. Do you like scrapbooking? That's a fun thing to do and takes up time. Maybe find out if there are mommy groups in your area that you could join. Good luck! |
| posted by Angela on 11/12/2007 02:09 PM
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Hi Nicole,
I understand. I was going crazy as well. I love being a mom, but needed some adult time as well. I did two things. One I joined a local stay at home moms group, through www.meetup.com and we meet at parks, the beach etc. It gives us all time out and time for the kids to interact with each other. The 2nd thing I did is I became an indepentdent consultant for a health and wellness company. They do skin care, aromotherpy, weight loss etc. It is a very well respected company and I can work from home and while out on play dates etc. It has been a really good balance for me. It got my mind back in business a bit and allows me to stay home with my son. I can email you some more information if you want it. The company has policies against message board posting. |
| posted by Charlene on 11/12/2007 02:37 PM
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| trust me, you are soooooo not alone! i have a 4 and 5 year old, both with medical needs, so i have had to stay home with them sence they were born. i'm gone thru a lot of the same feelings,,,,,, still do. not as much as i use to. plus at this time we only have one car and my husband has to use it for work, and we live 13 miles out of town. some of the ways i spend my time is to chat on-line, bake, read, and ofcorse, clean house! lol. yes i too am board! i have also tried playing x-box 360 games. this is fun if you meet up with the right people. me and my husband have a group of friends we play with. the only draw-back to this besides shelling out the money for the systems and games is the kind of people you find in those games.i'd say about 20% are people like us who just play games for enjoyment and to interact with other adults. the other 80% are either 12 year olds who's parents use the x-box as a baby sitter, or are male, jerk-offs, between the ages of 22 and 39, who still live in mommie's basement, or have a small apt., and NEVER date because of the way they treat women. i have made some great friends on x-box, but i will amitt that you have to be a very strong person to deal with these kind of people. their fav insult is to tell me i'm fat, i never get laied, i'm butt-ulgy, i'm a b**ch,,,,,,,, ect.,,, but not so nicely. you can mute and block messages from people, so once you do that it's real fun. i also scrap book, and make picture frams and candles. maybe one of these hobbies will help. |
| posted by lea on 11/12/2007 03:17 PM
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Here are some suggestions---
Join MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) They provide nursery and a quick speaker, a craft and a group of friends for you for about $3.00 twice a month.
Go to local library- same time each week to meet other mothers
Google for local Newcomers Club (most cities have one)
Call local churches for Mommy & Me's as well as MOPS
Make a list of things you would like to learn, take a class to do it. (some classes are once a week for 6 wks aprox $30 )
Read the newspaper eachday to stay on top of current events.
Volunteer somewhere!!!!!!!!!
Make a list of places around your area you haven't toured yet. Plan one for each month.
Invite one new mom over for lunch once a month that you meet from church or clubs.
Try to learn someone's name from each place you frequent (store, gas station, library, local musem ect)
Try to find something new each month to address your needs -
Physical
Emotional
Spiritual
Quality of life
home improvement
Community |
| posted by Tina on 11/12/2007 03:50 PM
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| CHARLENE i'd be interested if you could forward me some info on your sah career. Im looking into LEGITIMATE stay at home work. Thanks everyone on your feedback. I do scrapbook and I do take my kids out. I guess im just missing that interaction. Im going to have to find a good moms group out here. I never joined one before but i'd like to check one out. |
| posted by nicole on 11/13/2007 01:28 PM
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Nicole,
I sent you an email. It has all of my contact information. I'd be happy to talk to you. I love the company I work for. Call or email anytime.
Charlene |
| posted by Charlene on 11/15/2007 04:52 PM
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| Charlene, I wish I would've seen this first - I deleted it on accident! So Sorry. Would you mind sending me the information again? Thanks. |
| posted by nicole on 11/15/2007 07:08 PM
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| No problem. I just resent it. Have a good weekend. |
| posted by Charlene on 11/16/2007 09:34 AM
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Hi Nicole,
I do understand what you are going through. I have a 7 year old who is in 2nd grade, a 3 yr old who attends pre-school 2x a week and a 7 month old. I have been a stay at home mom for 2 1/2 years. I worked when I had my 1st child and stopped when my 2nd child was 5 months old. I wanted to stay home when I worked and I felt like I was missing out on so much and than when the company I worked for had drastically downsized I was let go and after I had recieved my last unemployment check I spent so much time trying to find a job that would allow me to work from home. Many were not legitimate or you had to pay fees etc. I wasted so much time and I didn't spend those months with my children. I have a lot of regret and even more since I do understand that yearning to be with other adults. I hoped that I would meet some people from my eldest childs school and I have but only 1 relationship has come of it and those parents work full-time. I too feel selfish b/c I want to stay home with my children but I also want to socialize with other adults. I did get some information from a new comers club in my town but sadly I didn't contact them after they sent me information. It did seem like a great way to meet other people so perhaps that may be something you can do. I know that our community center has classes for young children or the library has a reading time but I am not sure if babies are allowed. Guess that is what I need to find out for myself. We enrolled our 3 yr. old in preschool so she could interact with other children her age. It has caused us to alter things financially but its great for her and I was able to attend a field trip last month to a farm to do pumpkin picking. That was great since I did get to meet other mothers but most of them work. Its hard but you are most certainly not alone. If possible I would love to get some information on the work at home job that another mother provided you. |
| posted by MK on 11/16/2007 02:21 PM
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| The woman that sent me the info is Charlene (who posted above you) i'm sure she'd send u the info too. Im gonna try to look into work-at-home options, but I know that once my smallest is old enough for preschool i'll be wanting to get back to work out in the adult world. For me its not only about the money, its mainly about the interaction. I feel that if we still lived in our home town, i would care less about working again, because i have a lot of friends and family there. But here, i dont, so i miss working so that I can get out of the hosue. I use to NEVER be home with my son, we'd always be out doing something with my friends or fam, but now it seems we are home too much its realy boring! |
| posted by nicole on 11/16/2007 05:26 PM
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| Thanks. I understand what you are saying. Unfortunately I have live in the same town all my life but my best friend doesn't have any children and she and her husband have decided not to. My husbands best friend is married but no plans to have children. We seemed to do more things when we didn't have children. And my other friend from middle school is a nurse and has 1 child but I can't get in touch with her to get together. I haven't seen her since Easter '06. I did work full time with my 1st child and enjoyed it but now doing both I do miss the interaction and the financial aspect as well. I am still struggling with the fact that we have only 1 income now. So it does cause some hardship so I would love to do something to help out financially but still be able to attend functions at my daughters school and put her on and off the bus and pick her up when she has gymnastics. Of course I than depend on my mom to watch my baby and sometimes my other daughter who if she is not in pre-school. She only goes 2x a week. I do have some moms asking me if its hard to not be around adults and it most certainly is so I actually just joined a site where I hope I will be motivated to go out and meet other moms for playdates and hopefully make new friends. I am sure some wonder why I haven't made any new friends with my daughter in school but she is my eldest and I have found that for most parents it is there youngest so I am the only one that has younger children. I have only befriended 1 other parent of a child and she is an only child so that is great for my eldest but not so for my 3 year old. I am sure one day I will go back to work too. My husband says it will be when all the kids are in school so I suppose I have about 5 years until than but of course he forgets that school is not all year.. So where are the kids going to go after and in the summer.. Guess he hasn't given that much thought.. figures.. LOL |
| posted by MK on 11/16/2007 05:49 PM
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How are you ladies doing?
Any updates on how you have dealt with these issues?
Hope all is well. |
| posted by Tina on 12/06/2007 06:54 AM
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