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| First Time Moms |
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Ok so I am just needing to vent I have had the most stressfull/busy last few months.
So at the beginning of September I ended up having a miscarriage thankfully i was only about 5 weeks along I honestly didnt even know i was pregnant until just days before the miscarriage. I was trying to get into see the OB but couldnt get in. The next day i had the miscarriage. It was a very hard thing but at the same time very releaving. I am not really ready for a second child. I am still trying to figure out everything with the first one. Plus i want to wait until Ellie is about 3 before we even start to try for a second child. my main reasoning behind this is with Ellie i had a lot of complications. I started to contract at 15 weeks and continued throughout my whole pregnancy and then was on bedrest for quite some time. Then Ellie was always measuring about 4 weeks smaller than what she should have been. She was 3 weeks late and weighed 6 pounds. I just want Ellie to be able to understand what is going on when i do have a second child plus if the same thing happens i want her to be able to entertain herself a little more than what she can now. She wont have to fully rely on me to keep her entertained. So anyway it turned out to be a good thing for us right now. Plus I have been dealing with Anorexia and Bulimia for about 18 years and it was very hard for me to deal with it even while i was pregnant. I am doing so much better right now. Having Ellie has honestly saved my life. If i hadnt had her I really dont think i would be a live. Now that i am in the recovery process and have been since having Ellie. Not saying that it isnt a struggle every single day but looking at her makes me want to fight and fight hard. She is my miracle. I was not suppose to even be able to have children and for me to get pregnant and carry her to term lets just say she is my life and I want to be here for a very long time. So anyway back to subject. We are in the process of buying a house and wanting to be in the house before the 10th of November is our goal plus raising a 2 year old who is completely always on the go. about a week and a half ago i started to feel super sick. I couldnt keep anything down and I literally alomst threw up on someone because smells were totally getting to me. I could smell people from like a mile away. Anyway I went to the doctor to find out for sure because i dont do home test because it took about 20 home test 4 blood test and finally an ultrasound to tell me that in fact i was 3 months pregnant. Anyway i went to the doctor only when i got home from the doctor i had started my period (last night) well i woke up this morning and period was finished. Which led me to believe that maybe i really was pregnant. Thankfully the doctor called first thing this morning to tell me the test was negative. Although sometimes i think that Ellie may be my only child. When i did have that miscarriage it scared me what if I may never be able to have another baby. I mean i know that if i am meant to get pregnant then I will have another baby. I wasnt suppose to have Ellie and now she is the most beautiful 2 year old little girl. Red curly hair. the biggest smile in the world(Yes i am boasting its my baby) and just wants her mommy. I love it she melts my heart. It is so hard for me to say no to her either. I just want what any other mother would want Her to grow up happy and healthy.
Well thank you for letting me vent just needed to get a few things off of my chest thats all. Its hard for me to really vent to family and well i dont have many friends so thank you all for just listening sorry its so long.
Good night
Crystal |
| Posted by Crystal on 10/19/2007 02:26 AM
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Crystal,
first I would like to give you my condolences for your loss. I know that having a miscarriage can put you in a very dark place. That happened to me about 2 years ago and it definately makes you stop and think about your life and what it is you really want. I was crushed when I had mine, but later on was super relieved (dad was a punk). If it weren't for that I wouldn't have opened my eyes and started living life. Now I am a happy mother of one beautiful daughter and have the best man any woman could ever ask for. I am telling you this because I want you to know that it is alright to feel the way you do. I was afraid that I wasn't going to beable to have children, actually miscarriages are very common. Many women have one without ever knowing that it was a miscarriage, thinking it ws a really heavy period.
YOu sound like a very strong woman and I happy to hear that you are working hard to stay healthy for your daughter. I wish you all the luck and please feel free to write when the tough gets going. WE need to look out for one another. Not just as moms, but as strong women.
Take care,
Caity |
| posted by caitlin on 10/19/2007 01:27 PM
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Thank you for your response, I am still trying to get out of this rut of a bad streak right now. I am at the moment where i am literally about to walk out on my job but i have to stay because we need the money. So i am in the process of 1. looking for a house to buy and 2 finding a new job. Its been a lot of fun. Plus i have realized that this job is making me literally sick. I have had more health problems since working for this company. and well i am tired of the stress and the frustation with my co workers. So it is time for me to leave this company and start something new and that i really want to be doing. I am going to try and hold on for a little while longer i just put in my resume with a few other places and am hoping to hear back soon. If i hear back and get really at this point anything I will take it. I just dont think that i can take much more of my works crap. i have done it for about 2 years now. So we will see here soon what happens.
Anyway thank you it really helps to know that others are there to. I hate feeling like nobody understand. I have a sister but she has never gone through anything that i have and doesnt understand what is going on and why i feel the way i do. So thank you for just being there and willing to listen to me. I really appreciate it.
Crystal |
| posted by Crystal on 10/20/2007 01:26 AM
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Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Take it easy girl, savor the moment. Trust me I think I was in a similar situation when I was working. I ws trying to plan a wedding and a baby while working on this lady's house (she was a real nutcase) and nearly had a nervous breakdown. I ended up quiting the project, good ridance. It sounds like you are doing a lot of fun things, I could only wish to buy a house right now, but I am not working and it is definately hurting our current budget. I hope you get a job that suits you. Think good thoughts and good things will happen. :)
Talk to you soon!
Caity |
| posted by caitlin on 10/20/2007 08:59 PM
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