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| Parents of Toddlers |
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| So my son is nearly 20 months old and we found out last April that I was pregnant again. this was a complete surprise because it took us a year and a half to get pregnant with our son and we were on birth control. So needless to say I was in a state of shock and completely worried how I would handle a son less than two and a newborn (the baby was due Dec 30 and my son's birthday is not until Feb). In late May I started bleeding horribly and ended up having a miscarriage. i was so devestated and ashamed at the same time because I was not all that happy about this pregnancy. The guilt has eaten away at me and even though the doctor said we could try again after three normal cycles I just could not handle it! Well my husband really wants another child, so I am now off birth control and even though we are not "trying" we are not using any birth control. So here is the thing, I am terrified of getting pregnant and loosing another child, I keep thinking about when I was pregnant and anything that could have contributed to the miscarriage:working ( I have a physical job), carrying my son around, cleaning products,caffine anything and everything. It drives me crazy because I know there is no way to know why it happened it just did. So does anyone have any advice for me because I could certainly use it. |
| Posted by Kyleen on 10/14/2007 10:43 AM
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Did they give you an explanation for the loss?
I am currently pregnant myself with a high risk pregnancy. I have already been diagnosed with 2 different episodes of threatened abortion. I was told the first time after spotting that I have low progesterone, which is being supplemented. I WOULD DEMAND A PROGESTERONE TEST THE MINUTE YOU ARE POSITIVE. There is new research that more than 50% of miscarriage is caused by this, and it is not necessary because it is easily and safely supplemented. A repeat miscarriage is most likely caused by progesterone, because it is usually statistically not possible for it to be chromosomal more than one time. Also if you had irregular periods ever in life progesterone issues are very problematic. My second threat was a subchorionic bleed not related to the progesterone. Do not feel bad about how you felt there is nothing you could have done to prevent this. I too was shocked about this pregnancy because I was having irregular periods, and never tested positive on the predictor kits. When I went to the hospital for the subchorionic bleed I felt weirdly at peace about all of it, the bleeding was very heavy, and with the low progesterone despite supplementation if the pregnancy is not viable you will not keep it regardless. So I thought it was over. When they came back after ultrasound and said baby is fine, you have a bleed. I spent 2 days feeling awful about almost feeling relieved that it was over. Then I realized that since all of this started I built this huge wall so I could prepare my self for the worst case scenario. I still now at 10 weeks I feel I am having a hard time letting the idea of another baby into my life. It is so hard to get attached when you know what the outcome can be. I just pray to god about it, and ask him to keep us safe. It is all that I can do. I have started to come to realization that I must let the child into my heart, because I may regret it if something bad does happen. It is very hard though, but it is slowly happening! So what ever you do get armed with information about miscarriage and progesterone, because if it did happen again, that more than likely would be the reason.
visit the site:
www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com
They have info about progesterone and miscarriage in general.
It is a inexpensive test to do the progesterone, and can be drawn when they do the HCG. My insurance covers it. Also if your doctor does not believe in progesterone supplementation get a new doctor. My doctor did this without me even understanding what was happening, and the progesterone was given at her suggestion. It has kept the baby with me until now, and I saw a heart beat of 173+ 3 different times. Remember PROGESTERONE supplements will NOT prevent you from having a miscarriage if it is natures will, It can not hurt the baby or you. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I also have a 2 year old that came into the world with out any problems. The shock about all of this is still wearing off. Vanessa
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| posted by Vanessa on 10/14/2007 11:43 AM
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| Vanessa, thank you so much for the info, my doctor said that it was a chromosonal miscarriage and that it should have happened much sooner than it did but my body was fighting to keep it and make it do what it was suppose to. Thanks for the progesterone info I have always had bad periods and when I am not on birth control I do not have monthly periods, however after the miscarriage my HCG levels were through the roof for weeks but I will have to see about my progesterone levels. |
| posted by Kyleen on 10/14/2007 12:17 PM
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sounds like you need a new doctor, kyleen. the ONLY way he/she could know it was a chromosomal m/c would be if they tested either the baby you lost or both you and your husband. (when you and your husband are tested, it's called karyotyping).
most first trimester m/c are caused by low progesterone. MOST but not all.
there are a series of tests that can be run to see what your chances of m/c are. most doctors won't order them until you've had three consecutive m/c.
however, since it took you 1 1/2 years to conceive your ds and you've had a m/c, i'd HIGHLY suggest you talk to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and have some simple tests run! |
| posted by Christina on 10/14/2007 12:58 PM
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Kyleen,
I know how you feel. I just went through a miscarriage in early September. When I got pregnant with my daughter it was a complete shock. I had not had a period in well over a year and to be honest it was the first time I had ever had sex. The doctors were in the prosses of testing to see if I could even in fact ever have a child let alone carry it to term. With Ellie I had several complications. I started full contractions when i was just 15 weeks pregnant. I was bleeding and on bed rest for quite a while. The doctors to this day can not believe that Ellie was carried to full term actually she was 3 weeks late she is now 2 years old. It took my body 3 months to even recognize that I was pregnant. With this last baby. I started to feel pregnant in early August and was on birth control. I stoped the BC and started to take care of myself. I would take the pregnancy test and they would come back negative. However with Ellie I had like 20 home test and 4 blood test plus ultrasound all come back and tell me that i was not pregnant and then when one home test came back positive i was in fact 3 months so this time the moment i started to feel pregnant i started to do the prenantal vitamins and everything. I tried to get in with an OB only they told me that i had to have a postive reading before they would see me. The next week i ended up having a miscarriage. For a while i was blaming them because if they had just seen me then mabey i wouldnt have gone through this. But in really sitting down and thinking about it I realized that there wasnt anything i could do about it. My body just wasnt ready for another baby. It took a lot for me to carry Ellie and since having her my body has gone through a lot. I have had kidney infections sinus probelms thyroid issues and they thought i may have had patuitary cancer. I am thankful now that i get the chance to really heal and maybe have a pregnancy that is healthy and enjoyable.
My advice is just be happy that you get a little bit more time with just you and your son. Its hard i know but when you have another baby it will be the best time for you and your family.
I hope that everything works out for you all.
Good luck
Crystal |
| posted by Crystal on 10/14/2007 01:31 PM
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Kyleen,
First understand that every situation is different. My husband and I were suprised when we found out we were preggo with our first. But a wonderful miracle. Then last year in March we decided to try for the second. Well needless to say I was pregnant for about a week when the test gave me a positive reading. Then I miscarried. I was not as devastated at first because I figured my body did it for a reason. Amonth later I was pregnant again with my now 8 month old daughter. It is difficult to lose a child even in its earliest stages of pregnancy but unless they tell you that something is seriously wrong, don't stress yourself too much. Stress is a very bad culpret so please RELAX and try and try again. It will happen.
Blessings to your family! |
| posted by mommylopez on 10/14/2007 08:45 PM
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| I really appreciate all of the advice, I am hoping to be able to get into my OB/GYN before we are actually pregnant so that I can ask some questions and if he is not willing to see me or listen to my concerns then I will certainly get another dr. I am already trying to cut my caffine (as I did when I was pregnant with my son) I am also working out and have lost all the weight from both pregnancies. I know that some things just happen for a reason and just because I had one does not mean that it will happen again. I guess the thing is that the ER dr that actually told me I was m/c acted like it happens all the time and in my head I know that it does but not to ME and that is really what I have been dealing with. This past year and a half I have dealt with alot of loss (my grandfather that I was tremendously close to died in June of 2006 when my son was only 3 1/2 months old, then in Nov of 2006 my father died very unexpectantly at the age of 46 and then in May of 07 I m/c). I hope that I can get my body,mind,and spirit in the right place to be able to conceive and carry full term. I have to say just being able to talk to other women who understand is alot of help. Ofcourse I have spoken to my husband about my fears but no offense he is a man and until you carry a child you just can not understand that bond. |
| posted by Kyleen on 10/14/2007 09:11 PM
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| Dont feel guilty because it was not your fault.It was probably something that should of happened and by thta i mean something may have been wrong from the begining or something wrong with the baby. I miscarried in 2000. I had just gooten married in May then in Aug. I got very sick, and they diag. me with Acute Intermittent Porphyria, also known as AIP well then i gort preg.right out of the hosp.I miscarried at 14 or 15 weeks, it took me awhile to get over it, and then my husband was to afraid to have achild well i finally got preg. and when I told my husband he wasnt happy, but that night i knew he would be fine because he wanted to be there when i told everyone, but even now we dont think we will try for a second because of my risk. Just try not to feel guilty, and try to talk about how you feel with yoour husband. |
| posted by Natasha on 10/14/2007 09:26 PM
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| Natasha can you please explain to us what AIP is. I do speak to my husband about it and to tell you the truth since being on this site and me being off of BC we have spoken about it alot more. I know that I am alot more scarred than he is but I know that when we finally do get pregnant we will both have concerns atleast through the first trimester. By the way Natasha is your child a boy or girl? |
| posted by Kyleen on 10/14/2007 09:34 PM
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| I have a girl.who is 21 months old.AIP is an inherited disease which is an enzyme deficiency and can cause alot of pain and other side affects. I have pain from time to time if i dont take in enough crbohydrates or if i take med. that i am not suppose to, which now i have found a dr. that knows about it and i consult him about everything I take.I also have seizures. I have ones where i black out and dont know what is going on. I had them since i was about 12 or so. I am now 26 and was diag. when i was 18.At first the dr. kept saying all i was wanting was drugs because i was saying i was in so much pain and believe me it was for 4 or 5 days i hurt so bad in my chest and stomach i kept taking otc meds thinking i had the flu and it kept getting worse because i was putting stuff inme i shouldnt haev, but thankfully that is the only severe attack i have ever had, i have had a few small pain attacks but nothing like when i was diag. |
| posted by Natasha on 10/14/2007 09:50 PM
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Kyleen, I am so sorry to hear that you're struggling with this. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarrigae very early, a blighted ovum: a placental sac, but no embryo. Even though I knew this was natures way of taking care of things, I still felt awful, and from the responses and every woman I spoke to about experiencing miscarriage, it is just a very difficult thing to go through. Obviously you are a wonderful mother because I can see you care so much and take responsibility. I hope that you are not too hard on yourself and you're able to give yourself some time to heal and grieve what you've gone through. Pregnancy and motherhood are very challenging and it is natural to feel ambivalent about taking on another child with one so young, but our thoughts are not a reflection of our actions and our ability and quality as parents. The best to you. Gia
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| posted by gia on 10/14/2007 11:34 PM
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| Thank you all for the advice and support, It has helped just talking to others who have experienced these things. I love being a mother so much (even on those days when I am pulling my hair out) and I know that when the time is right I will be able to take on another one. I must say though that the fact that all of you that have been through this know what happened and I do not has raised major concerns over my choice of doctor and after speaking with my husband I think we will be looking for another dr. I know that knowing what happened will not change the fact that I miscarried but I think that it would have made the greiving process more productive. Thanks for all the advice. |
| posted by Kyleen on 10/15/2007 11:51 AM
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| Sorry to hear that but if I may, let me tell you I can relate to much of that. I became pregnant with my second when my first was just over 2yrs, and had another healthy baby. Tried for #3 and had 2 miscarriages within a year. I worked nights, full time, physical job lifting bending etc...didn't drink/eat enough but managed to get pregnant again with #3. Wasn't terribly upset about the miscarriages only because I'd had several before my first child, and I have a theory, maybe I'm alone in this, but I believe my body wasn't ready for those prenancies and therefore miscarried so that this baby now (I'm due in Feb) could be born. I guess I feel I'm having the baby I was supposed to have and the other pregnancies were not the one. I miscarried early though so I'm not sure how far along you were. I was early enough I don't think there was a heartbeat yet so it was just a few weeks into the pregnancy but still disappointing. I too thought about what I had done wrong to "cause" the miscarriage, but nothing I did would have done so. Don't blame yourself or feel quilty if you're overwhelmed w/ a pregnancy. I was nervous when #2 came along when I still had one in diapers. So again my sympathies but just keep good thoughts, seek a second opinion for the medical side of it, and keep trying and you'll be blessed with the child you were meant to have! I'm lucky enough to be having 3 boys!! |
| posted by on 10/20/2007 08:45 PM
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| Michelle thank you for sharing your story, I too believe that things happen for a reason and that a greater power is always in charge and most days that is enough to get me by but I still have my fears/doubt/guilt etc but as I had said before talking about it has helped. On the lighter side of things 3 boys my goodness how do you manage. My son will be 2 on Feb 21,when are you due? |
| posted by Kyleen on 10/20/2007 10:57 PM
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Kyleen,
I'm due about Feb 26th but it's going to be another (my 3rd) c-section. My doctor doesn't allow/believe in vaginal after csection due to concern about uterine sutures tearing and other complications. I actually prefer a csection because I don't know if I could stand the pain! Plus I get to pick the date. I might actually have a 4th (see if i get my girl) but as it is I'll just be 39 before this one arrives. |
| posted by on 10/21/2007 02:35 PM
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| I also had a c with my first and am not sure how I will have ones in the future. Well good luck. |
| posted by Kyleen on 10/21/2007 03:41 PM
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