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| Raising Boys |
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| I am the Mother of a 13 month old boy with a VERY strong will. I'm looking for some advise. I'm used to little girls and having a boy is new ground. How do you control your little boys with tempers? He is to young to do time outs, or take toys away etc. I feel like he is training me and will fight until he gets his way. Example, he has a cold and for the life of me I can't hold him still to use the nasal aspirator or to use little noses on him. He fights, kicks, screams, hits etc. I try to hold him down and he gets so upset and starts screaming and crying so hard that it is making his congestion worse. He kicks me hard and I've tried spanking his feet and telling him firmly NO KICKING, but be gets mad and kicks me harder. I don't want to have a physical battle with him. I need to care for him and it is such a battle. I took him to the Dr. today to check for an ear infection and had to lay on him in the office to try to let the Dr. check his ears. It was horrible. I don't want to have to forcibley hold him down, it kills me. I tried for an hour today to keep calmly settling him back down and telling him I'd be very gentle we had to fix his nose. I've showed him me using it and he laughs. He isn't afraid of them, he just doesn't want it done. He is normally a very happy boy, but if he doesn't want something done, he will brawl til the death. Any advice? |
| Posted by Charlene on 10/09/2007 05:56 PM
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Hi Charlene!
My little guy is now two years old, and I totally hear you on the stubborn and temper front. It can be very difficult and exasperating... The short-answer advice I can give is stick to your guns, but also pick your battles. Where physical things are involved I usually draw a line: hitting, kicking and throwing things at me are not acceptable. If he wants to throw a fit because he can't have a cookie, I just leave him to throw the fit on the floor where he can't hurt himself and usually walk away. Without an audience, tantrums are often short lived. When they are sick, all the rules often go out the window.... |
| posted by Susan on 10/09/2007 07:08 PM
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| When my 15 month old son has a temper tantrum, I put him in his playpen with no toys and leave him for a little while. After I come back he's more calm and understands that if he does that again he's going to be put back in there. I had good results with that tactic. As for cleaning his nose I did physically hold him down, but now he lets me do it a couple of times. |
| posted by Lori on 10/09/2007 08:38 PM
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i've never had a 13 mos old (the youngest child ever to live in our home was 18 mos), but my 2 year old has verbal skills at about that age. my son used to do ALOT of biting, hitting, kicking, throwing things. part of the issue is that your son most likely can't use his words well enough to communicate his displeasure. therefore, validating his feelings, such as "i know this doesn't feel good, honey, but we need to do it anyway" helps a little. it also helps, and this is going to sounds stupid, but it really has helped, if i do not use the word "scream" "kick" "bite" or "hit" since when i say the word his behaviors get worse. instead i say things like "oh dear, we need gentle hands." we had to practice what gentle hands are for a few weeks before he "got" it.
you ARE bigger and stronger than he is. i would not hesitate to hold him down. it won't hurt him!
i do NOT think he's too young for time outs! a minute long time out, in an empty play pen if he wont' sit on a chair (though that takes training) is entirely within reason!
i learned how to hold him so he can't hurt me. basically, you sit him in front of you, hold his right hand (gently, i do at the wrist) with your left and his left hand with your right, so that his arms are crossed in front of him and they are about hip level. you can then place your leg over his to control the kicking. the only thing left is hed-butting, which can hurt, but isn't nearly as satisfying for them.
i have learned that if i get angry, he is rewarded for the behavior. |
| posted by Christina on 10/10/2007 06:58 AM
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| I have three boys and understand what you are going through! My first is very gentle and didn't hit his "tantrum" stage until he was about 4 or 5. My second and third are VERY strong-willed! And have bad tempers as well. One thing to keep in mind is that right now, you can overpower him. But, there will come a day that you can no longer overpower him. His WILL is what needs to be conquered. He needs to understand that you are the parent and that what you say...goes. He needs to respect your authority and do as you say the first time you ask. That being said, he also needs to see that you treat him and others with respect. There are a couple of books that I have read and reread and reread called The Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson and Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel (Blair from Facts of Life) has really helped as well. Everyone so far has given you wonderful advice as well. Just thought I'd put in my two cents worth! |
| posted by Amy on 10/10/2007 10:31 AM
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| Thank you for the advise ladies. I really appreciate it. I have tried the play pen when it is just a temper tantrum and it works pretty well. I'm having a hard time with having to handle him when he is hysterical and fighting me with everything he's got. I want to solve this now, before he is to big to handle. I appreciate all of the advise. I'll try it all and will go get both of the books. I'm glad to hear from others that they too have had to hold their children down. I hate it, but need to care for him. Hopefully we can work on it when he feels better too. I think he doesn't feel well and is over reacting right now as well. |
| posted by Charlene on 10/10/2007 05:50 PM
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