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| Parents of Teens |
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Counseling helped tremendously, and we were advised to be on our own. We did, everything was great. It has been 2 great months of family time, getting along, working together. Then it happened. Last night, but actually started on Saturday morning, the day, my husband had to be out of town all day due to his re-licensing. My son snapped. He went into a rage and did not stop. Didn't care who he hurt, what he said. His sewer trash mouth just spewed the most vile language no one should be subjected too. We tried to stop him, but he went on into the night. The spew lasted for 2 hours. To top it off, he did this in front of his friend. She just sat there motionless.
We don't understand what his problem is. We thought the problem(s) were taken care of.
I am in the process of "stripping" his room. I am removing all electronics from his room, leaving him with just a TV. I am tempted to take the door off. Here is another problem, my husband works leaving me at home by myself with him. By the time he comes home and sees his room stripped-all hell is going to break loose. I am asking:
"What shall I do?" Should I strip his room? His computer, cell phone, and telephone privledges have been temporarily haulted for 30 days.
"What else can I do?" "What would you do?"
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| Posted by esther on 10/01/2007 01:14 PM
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| Is this mostly happening when his dad has to go away? Is there anything else you can think of that would have set him off? I don't think you are wrong to strip his room, and his dad shouldn’t say anything about it if this is how your son is treating you while he is gone. I feel bad for you and his girlfriend, I guess she has never seen this from him. Is there a possible chemical imbalance in him that could cause this type of behavior? |
| posted by on 10/01/2007 03:03 PM
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My son for someone reason says things that are 98% negative; about himself, his sister, anyone that he comes into contact with. Counseling helped "weed out" several issues with him, us, etc. My son will hold no prisoners when he goes into a "rage". My husband was treated horribly and I was appalled as to how he was treated. He ended up apologizing at the end of the evening, after sitting in the living room for almost 2 hours. For both my husband and I, it was too little too late. He called me a "liar" the entire night. My husband told him to stop doing this. Take responsibility. Admit faults. Nothing was working, until I said he had to go. Then, all of a sudden, he broke down and apologized.
My daughter even though she is 5, is very wise and bright, very humble-where he is 15, bright, smart, prankster, and can be a total butt head.
My husband made him walk to school today, and when that bells rings, he is going to walk home. It is a 3 mile walk, roundtrip 6 miles. His father drives him to school, and I pick him up from school, along with his buddies every day.
Before he snapped, I was jumping on the trampoline with my 5 year old having a good time. Acting goofy and funny for the 5 year old. He didn't like it, he began swearing, spewing his venoumous attacks and then he spiraled out of control.
I think he is jealous of the 5 year old. He claims I spend too much time with her. Bull. My 5 year old wants me around all the time. Where he only wants me for M.O.N.E.Y. or giving him rides.
I don't know what goes thru this boys mind. It is not drugs-too many accidents on both sides of the family that have resulted from drugs and alcohol. I checked his room-it is clean-well of that subject anyway. |
| posted by esther on 10/01/2007 06:02 PM
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| It's good that he apologized, maybe he sees that what he is doing is wrong. Does he spend anytime with his sister? If they could find something they both like it might help with the jealousy. It does sound like there is something deep inside that is really bothering him, does he still go to counseling alone? I would be very concerned about the way he feels about himself. |
| posted by on 10/01/2007 10:11 PM
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Let's just say, he watches his sister. He does not play with her. They watch TV together. He now lets us go out together, and he will watch her. Last night he was great. He was open talking about his teachers, grades, joining the basketball team, playing his guitar and completing the entire song. He helped with the dishes, drinks-refills-excellent. The question is, how long will it last?
He walked home yesterday-it took him 1 1/2 hours to come home, which is usually 8 minutes from the house-drive time.
He came home to an empty room, little complaints-but-when dad came home, he made it very clear about his rhetoric. Our counselor is on vacation for another two weeks-I would hate to turn him over to someone new. So, we have to wait. |
| posted by esther on 10/02/2007 12:09 PM
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| It's not unusual to see someone revert back to their old bad habits after having improvement in counseling. It doesn't mean that counseling has stopped working or failed. It just means that the person needs a little more help to learn new ways of relating to themselves and others. As for the immediate issue of whether to strip his room, or wait for dad - you have to deal with things as immediately and appropriately as you can, even if dad isn't home. |
| posted by Kelly on 10/02/2007 03:02 PM
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| Our counselor is on vacation, so I am waiting for him to come back, rather than take him to someone different whom he won't even speak to. |
| posted by esther on 10/03/2007 11:58 AM
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Kellie,
I have had some experience in this area because I myself have a 15 yo troubled (bio) son who has had problems with raging in the past.
I've been reading about your troubles and I agree with Kelly when she said to deal with things immediately and appropriately. I would like to give you my opinion, for what it's worth. First, you and your husband need to sit down and agree on "how" to discipline/punish this child "in case of a rage" while he's home and especially while he's away! This will alleviate a lot of stress from you worrying about how your husband is going to react to your disciplinary tactics. Also, it will help you and your husband to be more supportive of each other and have the confidence that "he's/she's got my back".
Secondly, if your son does not have any disorders (ADHD, OCD, ODD, Tourettes, Bi-Polar (Manic/Depressive), etc.) you should also consider discussing with your husband the alternative of calling the police when he rages and loses control. I don't know if you've done this before, but if you DO decide this may be an option you need to sit down with your son (when he is calm and acting decent) and tell him very matter-of-factly that you are not going to tolerate these outbursts any longer. Tell him the next time he flies into a rage you will immediately call the authorities and have him removed from the home. Explain to him what juvenille hall is and what the process is for out of control teens (and if YOU don't know...you need to find out soon!). Tell him that you don't want to do this, but YOU WILL!!!! And be prepared to do it!
Finally, tell him how much you love him and what you want for your family and that you don't want him to NOT be a part of it. He has to start accepting responsibility for his actions and gain control of his emotions. I don't want to discourage you by saying this probably won't work because it literally took calling the police out to my house for my son to "wake up"!!! I know this is hard and I wish I knew the magic cure, but I hope this helps a little! If you ever need to talk...I'm just an e-mail away! :) |
| posted by Crystal on 10/12/2007 06:59 PM
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I took away his ipod and "guitar hero". I have spoken to numerous parents with teenagers. All the responces come back the same. Teenage boys are a "nightmare". It gets worse until the age of 20, then, they somehow get better.
When we finally spoke to him about his behavior, his arguement was that he does not like us telling him what to do all the time. He wants to come home, and do what he wants, and when he wants to. Not when he is being told too. He feels that because he goes to school, and maintains an "a" average (we don't know,we haven't seen his grades), he should get a break.
We tried to reiterate, that as long as he continues to take resident in our home, he must participate. And, if it angers him so much that we are telling him what to do, he should put it upon himself, to go out of his way,and do things around the house without being asked. SHow us you appreciate the home. We are not his "crash pad". He turned around and said
"people make mistakes". And we responded by telling him, that it is time to learn from our mistakes so that the pattern ends.
Well see where this goes, or how long it will last. |
| posted by esther on 10/12/2007 08:01 PM
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Don't you just love it when they say things like, "Everyone makes mistakes, " "Gosh, a guy does something ONE time and everyone blows up." and other totally illogical teenage sayings?
My son, Crystal's son, and Crystal's nephew are within 3 months of age to each other - all around 16.
They had to take a reading comp. test. in order to take the driving learner's permit test. Daniel wanted to do it with the other boys.
We got his driver's ed curriculum in the mail and asked if he wanted to start the next day. "Well, when are they starting? I want to start when they start."
One of the other boys had to retake the reading comp. test but didn't pass (don't get me started; it's the stupidist thing ever!) so he can't go Monday to test for his learner's permit. I wasn't sure if Crystal still planned on taking the other one, but when I mentioned to Daniel he might be alone Monday, I got, "I'd rather wait for my friends!"
In the very next sentance I said something to his dad about him not being able to things without his friends, and Daniel got all bent out of shape. That's when he said, "Gosh, I guy says something ONE time......"
I rolled my eyes and went on with my evening. I still don't know if we are going Monday - I guess I'll have to call Crystal and see his support system will be going! |
| posted by Kelly on 10/13/2007 08:54 AM
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Kellie! I forgot to ask -
What's a guitar hero? And is it something my kid might be interested in? We are looking for Christmas ideas that cost less than a PS3! |
| posted by Kelly on 10/13/2007 08:55 AM
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| "Guitar Hero" is a PS2 video game. The game costs $39.95, and the "guitar hero" costs $80.00. It is a really and cool game. |
| posted by esther on 10/14/2007 05:37 PM
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