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| Parents of Teens |
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I took your advice and re-read all the post concerning my ss/sd. Although before I even began posting I knew what the answer to my dilemma was. If only I was the one who needed to make it.
This marriage is my second and my husband's third. Before we even considered marriage we went to counseling offered by our church. One of the things they stressed was, Be on the same page concerning discipline (we were, or thought we were. see this is easy when you aren't having conflict with the kids. it only becomes questionable when your kids are acting up and you actually have to discipline) Then when it is time to discipline the bio parent hands out the punishment and the step is only there to encourage the bio parent.
For my husband this became very difficult. He had always had a very close relationship with his son until ss hit high school. Mom could no longer handle him and gave hubby custody. Hubby, God Love Him, wanted more than anything for his son to respond to him. Follow the rules, get good grades, be respectful. It has broken hubby's heart to have to go through the past year.
Our thought was to exhaust every outlet before kicking this child to the curb. We went to counselors, teachers, school guidance counsellors, grandparents, family friends, friends that are cops. Everyone has tried to get through to this child. Could we have made this decision quicker, probably. But when it is your flesh and blood, you pray with all your heart that a miracle happens and when that miracle doesn't happen then you have to let go. IT AIN"T EASY!!!
Yes, I could have left. But why? I love my husband. He isn't the problem. There is no abuse, alcohol, drugs, infidelity. We are the best of friends.I was willing to help him through this.(I just didn't know what kind of toll it would take) I wonder how it hurt for his wife to constantly tell him his child has to go. I thank God, it wasn't one of my children acting out and I was being pushed to "make the right decision" But I did follow the counsellors instructions, allowing my husband to come to this conclusion in his own time (He was cutting off his arm).
The ss, he is gone now. I know we will feel the reprecusssions of our decision for the next several months. But I don't think he'll be back.
Thank all you ladies for your thoughts.
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| Posted by Kathy on 09/12/2007 11:41 AM
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Kathy, It is called "tough love". "Tough love" is never easy.
Tough Love is one of the most common paths parents of struggling teens have to travel.
Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, Tough Love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit. Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse.
Tough Love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.
There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough! This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups, along with professional intervention.
This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.
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| posted by esther on 09/13/2007 11:47 AM
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