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I'm looking for any advice from other moms with toddlers. I have a 14 month old son. I thought that things would be getting easier as he gets older, but it's just the opposite. I'm finding myself more stressed out and overwhelmed, losing my patience, yelling and crying more now than when my son was a colicky infant. First of all, he whines and cries for a large portion of the day. It is so wearing to have to listen to this all day. I look forward to his naps and his bed time and even going to work (2-3 days/week). It gets to my husband too, but I spend more time with my son and he is definitely more whiney with me.
Secondly, everything has become a battle! Diaper changes, getting dressed, brushing teeth...you name it. I can't get any house work done. Whether it's the refrigerator, dishwasher, or dryer, he's trying to get into them if I open them. If I pull him away, he has a tantrum. He fights with me...bad! And he does not listen at all. I'm not even sure if he even understands the word no, because he never responds to it. The worse stress lately is bath time. He is so unsafe in the tub, it scares me. He will not sit still. He stands and walks around the tub. He's just learning to walk and is still very unsteady. I've caught him so many times from falling badly. He even has started this new thing where he throws himself backwards while sitting in the tub. I can't even keep much water in the tub because he is crazy unsafe. When I say no he continues to do whatever I don't want him to do. If I sit him down he immediately crawls to the other end of the tub and tries to stand. It goes on and on. He seems to be completely ignoring me. Sometimes he looks as though he thinks it's a game. I have even yelled at him because I lose my patience and that doesn't even change his behavior.
How much can I expect my son to understand at 14 months? I understand that a lot of this is typical behavior for a one year old, but it seems to be constant with him and to the extreme. I'm waiting for him to get easier so that I can actually consider having another baby some day. Right now, my husband and I could not handle another child! And ideas on how to get my son to listen or how to keep him safe in the tub? |
| Posted by Tara on 09/11/2007 09:12 PM
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| He is at the age where he is going to test his limits. Of course the things that you most want him not to do are exactly the things he wants to do most. He may also be determined to do things for himself, such as pour milk into his cup or put on his shoes, even if he's not quite capable of such tasks yet. Is this why he is whining? Does he want to "help"? Maybe try letting him help you. He could help load and unload the dish washer.Or help empty the dryer? Try to give him some control over little things. This may fulfill the need for independence and ward off tantrums. Offer minor choices such as "Do you want orange juice or apple juice?" or "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after taking a bath?" This way, you aren't asking "Do you want to brush your teeth now?" — which inevitably will be answered "no." If he throws a temper tantrum, ignore it. What about a ring for the tub? If he fits in one, that will keep him safe, and not allow him to stand. When a safety issue is involved and he repeats the forbidden behavior after being told to stop, use a time-out or hold him firmly for several minutes. Be consistent. Kids must understand that you are inflexible on safety issues. Good luck, and let us know how it goes. |
| posted by Amanda on 09/11/2007 11:52 PM
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I have had the same problem too. He, like Amanda said, is trying to test his limits. Charlotte is 19 months old and has done that to us lately. She is very smart little girl. She can be an angle but suddenly turn to be a little devil too.
When she doesn't get thing her way, she'll go wild and crazy. Sometimes she even bang her head with something. It's hard to see that but her doctor suggests me to ignore those tantrum. At first, I couldn't ignore since I thought she would hurt herself. However, I always ignore now. All you have to do is to ignore the bad tantrum but still stay around him.
I also start to give her conner time to calm her down. Fortunately, Charlotte stays still at the conner. Whenever she cries because of bad tantrum, now I always put her at the conner and sit in the same room. After she's done crying, I'll comfort and talk to her.
Your son understand what you say but following it or not is up to him. I found that with my baby. At 14 months old, she understand what I told her to do. But doing or not is depend on her willingness. :) For the tub time, I recommend you to buy a mat that you can put in the tub. You can get it at Toysrus. It help prevent slippery. Besides, giving him some bath toys may distract him from walking around the tub.
Have fun with your little one.
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| posted by Passachon on 09/12/2007 01:10 AM
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I went through the same thing with my daughter. It turned out a lot of my impatience was due to PPD. I talked to my doctor and she put me on an anti-depressant and it has helped. Of course it doesn't change my daughter's behavior, but it makes it easier to deal with.
I read the other two responses and I agree with both of them. I just thought I would give you some examples of what I have done. I tried to find ways to get my daughter involved in what I was doing. Your son is at a stage where he is going to want to help you. Some of things I do to make my daughter feel involved and helpful is throw items in the trash for me which is a double duty since our trash is in our pantry she gets to close the door when she is done which, if it isn't yet, will be a favorite thing for your son to do soon. My daughter also wants to "play" in the fridge every time I open it. I will ask her to close the door for me and sometimes she does, but when she doesn't I simple say "Mommy said no", pull her out and close the door myself. She throws a fit, but I explain to her that we can't leave that door open and walk away. She eventually gets over it. With laundry I pick her up and let her help me put things in the washer and she really loves cleaning out the lint trap in the dryer. That's something I guess she saw me do enough times that she just started doing it on her own. My lint trap is right in the door so it's easy for her to do while I fold clothes. With the dishwasher I give her the silverware to put in the slots and sometimes I let her help with her dishes since they won't brake. Then she helps me push the racks in and close the door. I also gave her her own drawer in the kitchen. It's on the bottom so she can reach it easily and all it has in it is her toys. That way she can be taking things out and putting things in like mommy.
Another thing I do with my daughter is redirection. Rather than always telling her what not to do. I take her away from a negative activity and redirect her to a positive one. For example, if she is getting into one of my drawers in the kitchen instead of her own I will put a toy in her drawer that plays music and turn it on. That way she wants to get in her drawer to find the music.
As far as the bathtub goes. That is a stressful time in our house too because she will not sit down to get her hair rinsed and it's a hassel. In order to avoid this sometimes I have her take a shower with me or her dad. She doesn't mind getting her hair rinsed in the shower and I don't have to fight with her.
Raising a child is a lot of trial and error. You just have to find what works right for you and your son and try to stay sane in the process. He is capable of understanding you as long as you talk to him on a regular basis. That's part of his frustration. He can understand you, but he can't communicate to you what he is feeling yet. It will get easier as he learns how to communicate with you. When my daughter gets upset and I don't know why I tell her "I know you are upset, but I can't understand you when you are whining. Calm down and show me what you want." By naming what she is feeling to her I am helping her put a name to her emotions and that will help her learn to communicate. |
| posted by Cinda on 09/12/2007 10:48 AM
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I agree with the other moms. This is a stage that they are trying to test your limits. My daughter is 17 months and she sometime whines when she doesn't get her way and does not listen. I will have her help me load the dryer and she loves it! As far as the refridgerator she will peak her head in when I open it and I will ask her if she wants something and offer her a piece of cheese or some fruit! Then she will close the door for me and I say thanks for shutting the door. I also have a draw in the kitchen which is for her to put her toys in. So she can take out and play with while I cook! If she is acting out and not listening, I will redirect her and say lets go over and play wiht another toy.
As far as the bath my daughter is tiny for her age and she still sits in her baby bath tub in the big tub, and she plays with her toys and we sing a song. Good luck and things will get better, also make time for yourself in the evening while dad stays with baby and go for a walk or get your nails done, time for us is important so when we get back to baby we will have more patients. |
| posted by charise on 09/12/2007 11:21 AM
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Thanks for all the advice! Tonight's bath went much more smoothly. I put him back in a laundry basket inside the tub like I used to do. He only stood up a couple of times. I also decided to wash and rinse his hair first, which is the hardest. That way, if he starts to get unsafe, I can quickly rinse and take him out. I was at work today too, and I find that I have tons more patience with him on these days. It helps getting a break.
I'll have to try and see if he can help me with chores. So far he seems so obsessed with opening and closing the doors to everything, that he doesn't get past that. |
| posted by Tara on 09/12/2007 08:11 PM
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