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| Parents of 'Difficult' Children |
| Public online group |
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| And here I was thinking I was the only one with a difficult child. Bless his heart my grandson was left with me by my son and daughter in law when he was two. My son wasn't ready to be a dad and my daughter in law went for a career in the Army. After I had my grandson for 9 months my daughter in law decided she could be a good mom and took my grandson away from me. This lasted about 3 months. The weekend of his 3rd Birthday she brought him back to me and said financially she couldn't do it. Although refusing to sign custody over she wants to come and go as she pleases and have a say so in his life. I understand he needs to spend time with his parents, but just as i'm getting him settled and in a routine she comes and destroys everything I have accomplished. Tyler (my grandson) is sleep walking calling for his mommy and cries out a lot in his sleep. His Pre-school has called and there are times they can't calm him down, he kicks, spits, and bites his fingers when he is mad. He hasn't seen his mom in over a week now and things have calmed again....doing good at school, obeying us and being a joy to be around, but when his mom comes down all he-- breaks loose again. If I tell my daughter in law to stay away for a while she is so immature she will get mad and take Tyler away from us again, we have no legal ramifications over him and can't afford to hire a lawyer and have her fight us over him....if we fight and lose I will lose him forever. |
| Posted by Nana on 09/11/2007 12:03 PM
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I think, for Tyler's sake, you should discuss the issue with legal aid. Almost all areas have low cost legal aid services where you can go and discuss with a lawyer, at minimal to no cost, what the laws are and what can and cannot be done to protect Tyler. Daughter in law doesn't need to know right away that you have gone to discuss it with legal aid. My personal feeling is that you should have legal custody of Tyler with controlled visitation rights for his mother (and his father if he wants them). Then, you have legal grounds to control the visitation in a way that keeps Tyler's environment stable and prevent confusion and outbursts. Of course a child needs his/her parents but Tyler needs (as all kids do) a reasonably stable environment too. I believe the military (if she is still in the military) also has family services people that you can talk to in order to help arrange legal custody agreements and mediations that are in Tyler's best interests - hopefully without putting bio mom on the defensive.
This is just my opinion and I wish you good luck - this is a really tough situation I think. |
| posted by elizabeth on 09/11/2007 12:16 PM
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| Thanks for your comment.....right now I'm gathering evidence on her.....how often she calls to check on him, how she is helping out finanically etc....something I can assure myself that when I do file I will at least get temp custody. My son has already agreed to give me custody, he is sending money to help out with day care, but knows he isn't ready to do it alone so I have his support and he feels she needs to do the same, but her concern isn't about the baby it's about her having control and yes she is still in the army. |
| posted by Nana on 09/11/2007 01:01 PM
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| Well- at least your son is supportive of you and Tyler and that will help a lot probably! |
| posted by elizabeth on 09/11/2007 01:05 PM
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Wow, what a struggle, but bless your heart for being willing to do this for your grandson. Have you sought any counseling services for him? He might benefit from a child therapist. Services can be provided as early as 1 years old. He sounds like he's showing signs of some attachment disorder symptoms. The great thing about a therapist, is that it is someone not involved with the family that would give him an outlet to release his own anxieties. There are non-profit outpatient centers that do sliding fee scales. Just a suggestion, and of course it could be a resource for you as well. Bless your heart though, he's lucky to have you to care for him!!!
-April |
| posted by on 09/11/2007 08:21 PM
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April
I have thought of seeking some kind of professional help for him.....He has great insurance through the Army. I just need to get his mother to re-assign a Primary Care Physician so I can get a referral. But thanks for your advice I really need to hear this from other people so I know I'm doing the right thing..........thanks again |
| posted by Nana on 09/12/2007 08:42 AM
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