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| 40+ parents of small children |
| Public online group |
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| It's been a long time since I've done this...my youngest child is 23 years old and now I'm raising his son. My son and his wife are seperated, he lives in West TX and she is in the Army in LA. They had Tyler very young and neither of them were ready to be parents. They have decided that my husband and myself would do a better job at raising him so they asked us to raise him. Tyler (my grandson is 3) is crying out at night and sleepwalking calling his mommy. Although during the day he never mentions her or his dad, just during his sleep. Is this something that kids do at this age or do I need to seek help? He also acts out at daycare and bites his fingers when he is upset. I have seeked help from Early Childhood Intervention and they said he is about 6months behind but other than that he is doing ok....I feel something else is wrong....is anyone experiencing this? |
| Posted by Nana on 09/10/2007 04:54 PM
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Hi Nana,
welcome to the group...
I am not a pychologist but I would guess your grandson is missing his mother. You are certainly doing a great job taking care of him and when it will be older he will appreciate it, however he feels abandon by his own mother. I think it is important for the parents to show up and stay in close touch with him. Maybe they could send him video where they talk to him or call him, and visit him as often as they can. |
| posted by Vero on 09/14/2007 02:57 PM
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Vero,
Thanks for the advice....anything is appreciated.....I thought the parents keeping in touch with him was a good thing as well, but his daycare and I have both noticed anytime he has any contact with him mom he acts out. His mom called him on Thursday before him going to School and by 1:30 the daycare was calling me because he was pinching and scratching the other smaller kids.....when she visits the same thing happens, he starts acting out.....I know he needs to see her but I'm not sure it's a good idea now...... |
| posted by Nana on 09/15/2007 04:32 PM
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Where do you live in relationship to your Son? Is your son-23 year old, visiting his child at all? Is he and the mother trying to get back together, counseling? Do you have the child thru a court judgement, or they both felt that you were perfect for the job?
I hate to be cynical about this situation, but, stories like this sadden me when there is a child involved who is basically abandoned by his own parents.
If the child was placed in your custody thru the courts, I feel that both of his parents would be actively involved. If not, they would both be contributing to his upkeep, and looking for a way of resolving their custody issue. By the way, where are the other set of grandparents? Why weren't they considered to help with the child?
He probably feels abandoned, alone, scared. Everything he does out of the ordinary sound like attention grabbers. The boy needs to be loved. I am not saying that you are not loving him. Every child needs his mothers love. That is why the child does what he does. He needs to see more of her/and him.
I don't know how old you are, but, toddlers are a handful. I hope your health is good so that you have the opportunity to care for this child until their parents come to terms on how to raise him.
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| posted by esther on 09/25/2007 02:17 PM
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Kelli,
I live in the Houston, TX area and his dad lives in West Texas which is about a 6 hr drive. Unfortunately he only comes 2 to 3 times a year. His mom is in LA which is about 2.5 hours away and comes to visit about once a month. The two of them are not trying to get back together. They feel their wants and needs are more important right now than Tyler's. My son sends enough to pay for day care but that is all we get financially from either of them. I do not have legal custody of him. His mother would never just hand that over to me without a fight and the law says I have to have him in my home for 6 months to be considered abandonment. When he was two we had him for 9 months while she was in basic training and school but she took him back for 3 months, so now we have to start over. Tyler had his first presentation at pre-school last night and he literally stole the show. I was so proud of him I was crying. Wow to be his parents and to have missed that.......something they can never get back. We took pictures but they don't even come close to showing how well he did.......We have our first appt on Thursday with a therapist to try and see what's going on and see what we can do to help. The sad thing is I am having to lie to his parents about this appt because they don't think anything is wrong. HIs mom called one day last week and I was telling her his behavior in school and she started laughing and saying how awesome that was, that he was always the one being picked on when he was younger and now he's the bully. You can see how immature she is. My husband and I are both 47, we work full time jobs. Yes he is a handful and very tiring to keep up with, but we are both here for him, and love him with all our hearts and have dedicated our lives in making sure this baby gets all the love and attention he wants. |
| posted by Nana on 09/26/2007 08:19 AM
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Nana, it is great with what you are doing. And, it seems that you want your grandson to reside with you and your spouse on a permanent basis.
Unless you have 100% consent of both parents to do this with their child (therapist appointment) -then go ahead and do it. If you don't, then it would be a good idea to put it in writing and making them aware of your decisions; then mail them a copy for their own records.
As for the mother, depending on the kind of relationship you have with her, you need to start telling her the truth about what it is like raising her son. The day to day operations.
You need to let the mother and the father know of your intentions-full custody of your grandchild. If they are OK with it, it should not be a big deal. If the mother is going to fight for her child, and so she should. In the military, there is a day care facility on base, or near base anyway. In the neighboring towns, if she needs additional help, I am sure she will find it.
If the courts see her as not a fit parent, then the courts will appoint someone who is.
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| posted by esther on 09/26/2007 12:17 PM
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| That is great you are doing this. I'm 48 and my son who is actually my husbands great nephew is 5 now. It was hard but I'm sure it is harder when the biological parents are still in the picture. I think a child needs stability and knowing he has a mommy and daddy who don't take care of him may cause problems later. I hope you can make him feel secure even with all the obstacles. I admire you for doing this for your grandchild. |
| posted by Mary on 01/24/2008 09:58 AM
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