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| Parents of Teens |
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I do not cut hubby any slack, I tell it like it is, knowing it must cut him to the bone that he has worthless children. So far he usually comes through. But this time, he has to make some very hard choices. And he did.
Hubby would not take my calls yesterday. He let me know he was okay but had to work through some stuff. (he knew I was right, SS had to go).But our counselor told me this was his choice to make, I make it a threat and he will resent me and the marriage will certainly crash.
When I got home he was in the garage with my son. I asked Hubby where SS dirtbike was. He stated he did not go to school but went to the track instead. Hubby told him to take his clothes (again) and not come back. My son told us he had found out some info. He pointed to a bike, I hadn't seen before, and said SS stole it from a kid. Son also told us when he told the neighbor that we kicked SS out for taking his dad's truck, neighbor informed him SS drove that truck all summer long. That was enough for hubby. He changed the codes to the house and the locks. My son went to the track (this is usual for a Thursday)The boys are on a team hubby and I formed. Anyway my son confronted ss ( my son has befriended ss) and asked how he had money and gas to come to the track when he told him the reason he took dad's truck was because he had no gas in his truck to get to school. Son called him a liar and SS replied with a "whatever".
Hubby called ss told him his clothes were in boxes on ther front porch if he needed clothes.Son called me at 10:30 pm, SS followed him home (we live in gated community and we took ss gate opener) so he could get into the house. I woke hubby, deal with your son. He let ss put a bag in his bedroom and sent him outside telling him his stuff was on the porch. SS left and we went to bed. I woke up this morning, SS door was shut, I thought he was in there. I opened the door and although he was not in there, when he was in there putting the bag in his room last night, he unlocked the window, I'm sure to break in later today. Hubby and I checked the rest of the house and found one other window unlocked. We locked everything up and now we'll see.
NOW, along with all this going on, SD and mother were getting into it at her house, cops were called and mom was baker acted. The ex's hubby called my hubby asking for advice. Yeah I know. This is all new to me, we have been married seven years and have had little to no contact with these people till the SS moved in two years ago. Unfortunately, my dad has money, so The ex, SD and SS feel like we should always be rescuing them, only financially though. We give advice but it is never taken.
Hubby told both my son and me how sorry he was to bring this mess into our home and vowed to resolve it. With that the SD showed up after Mom was hauled off, Hubby did not let her stay and talked to her outside. She didn't stay long. I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know a lot of you ask why I stay. Hubby is a great person, we didn't have problems until the Step kids showed up. Now he is having to deal with twenty years of lack of discipline with his kids. He thought just being in their lives and being a good role model, and hanging out with my sons, they would just naturally change. But these are kids that were allowed to make their own choices since they were in middle school (12 yrs old) They do not feel they have to answer to anyone.
This is what happens to kids who are not raised by a parent but by a parent who wants to be their buddy, giving into their every whim and no discipline or guidance. "Spare the rod Spoil the child"
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| Posted by Kathy on 09/07/2007 12:35 PM
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It does sound like things may be shaping up. YOU should call the police if ss breaks in - you have a right to a safe home for you and your possessions.
If you and your hubby can come through this together, your marriage will certainly be stronger for it. All of us have hard times in our marriages. It's easy for me to sit here and tell you to get away from these people, because I'm not in love with one of them.
I express my opinions based on my own personal experience: an alcoholic husband who has spent more of our 16 years out of our family than in it. Over and over people wanted the relationship to end. Over and over *I* wanted the relationship to end. But when you are in love and connected to someone spiritually, it's hard! I divorced him twice, yet here he is living with us again - been sober 2.5 years which is quite a record for him.
We can tell you what we think, but despite how much you've posted, we don't have all the information. We can't.
When you see posts that emphatically tell you do something, just realize that person cares and is sharing what worked from their experience.
I, for one, will support you no matter what your decision is because there are positive things about each option.
Hang in there and be strong with ss and sd. In the end, you are going to be fine. |
| posted by Kelly on 09/07/2007 02:26 PM
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All I can advise you is what worked for me. My experience. I don't know when you began treatment with your counselor, but, I hope that your husband is seeking counseling with you. For, like you have stated all along, they are "his children", yet, you are the one in counseling, or that is my interpretation of reading your post.
Obviously, you love this man, for you are putting up with his "baggage" for 7 years. That seems about right for me too. But, it was destroying us. Put your foot down, and don't back down from your position. Stay focused and in control, and don't reneg, follow thru. I hope that there is light at the end of the rainbow for you.
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| posted by esther on 09/07/2007 03:32 PM
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| The truth hurts and it seems that hubby is understanding that you are being firm because you love him and dont want your relationship to end. Unfortunately for some, having a good role model and people that care and want to help doesnt change them. They have to want to change themselves. You mentioned that you live in a gated community, can you have the gate guard block both ss & sd? |
| posted by on 09/07/2007 03:53 PM
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