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| Parents of Teens |
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Got a call from hubby yesterday. Mom let daughter move back in, the one that got fired. She is back to her old habits, which is what we are dealing with at our house w/ss.
SS stole husband's truck, 2005 F250 diesel. Decided to drive it to school show friends and joy ride. Hubby drives his motorcycle to work to save on gas. (diesel runs $3.00 a gal) Big argument it got physical. Hubby kicked ss out. When he left we boxed all his stuff up stripped his bed. SS broke into house around 11:30 pm, unpacked boxes made his bed and was sleeping soundly when I left for work this morning. |
| Posted by Kathy on 09/06/2007 08:16 AM
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| What time did the police arrive to arrest him for stealing, breaking and entering ect....? |
| posted by Tina on 09/06/2007 08:28 AM
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You should have got his butt woke up and called the police to have him removed & arrested for breaking and entering, explaining that he got into a physical altercation with your husband last, was thrown out, and you fear for your safety with him around.
If he's still there when you get home, do it. Get a record started with the police so they can help kep him out.
HE JUST PLAIN NEEDS TO GO (of course, you already know that) |
| posted by Kelly on 09/06/2007 08:31 AM
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| Yeah you are right, but I let my hubby make that decision, and he said no. Not Yet. But he has said No not yet for the past year. The counselor asked him point blank(the last incident) " What's it going to take for you to kick him out?" I know my hubby's heart is breaking, but it is so out of control. |
| posted by Kathy on 09/06/2007 09:15 AM
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Like a car wreck, or an overdose?
Your choice is to continue to be an enabler or stop being one.
I just pray that while this family lets this young man destroy their lives along with his that outside innocent people aren't hurt. |
| posted by Tina on 09/06/2007 09:52 AM
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Your title was, "Can it get any worse with the stepkids?" Yes, yes it can. I'm not saying that so you'll count your blessings that it's not that bad now. I'm just reminding you that it can, and it WILL, get a lot worse.
How much more are you willing to put up with? You don't have to leave him to make a decision and act for your own safety and wel-being. But as long as you allow him to be the one making the decisions, you are allowing him to let the situation get worse.
You've been patient far longer than I would have been, so he can't say you haven't tried to work with him.
How much more do you want to deal with? Because it can get a lot worse. |
| posted by Kelly on 09/06/2007 10:12 AM
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Hi kathy,
I am new to raising a teen. I am sure you have heard this before but you and hubby need to use the tough love approach. Put his belongings outside (packed) change the locks. As far as him breaking in, go and get a large wind chime and hang it where he gets into the house. This way it will scare him and wake you and hubby. The longer your step children have dad as a crutch (financially) the longer it will take them to do things on thier own. I agree with the other ladies about starting the list of complaints with the police, it sounds like it may not be long before things get a lot worse. |
| posted by on 09/06/2007 01:53 PM
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Thank you, that seems to be the consensus, send him packing and use force if need be. Which is my philosophy, my hubby just made me feel so horrible about suggesting it that I needed some backing.
Now, it is 1:00 pm, my son just called me. He went home for lunch and found SS at home. SS began crying and "flipping out" says he has to go but has no where to go. My son has a friend looking for roommate, but not till the 19th. So my son called me to ask what I thought.
My thought, this child(SS) has had three weeks to get his act together, apologize, sit with us and re-group. To date he has refused all our offers to talk and work things out, stating, "I gotta learn sometime." I'll leave. Now he wants a place to stay for another two weeks. I told son, He has hung up on hios mother and aunt and will not return his grandfather's phone calls. So, I told him he needs to get on the phone with his mother, aunt, grandfather make it right and find a place to stay, he is not staying at our house another day. For God's sake, he took our truck, punched three holes in my walls during his rampage yesterday and physically fought with his father. Too Little Too Late!!!!!
He is playing the victim with my son. Anyway, the down side of this. Hubby won't talk to me, I am pretty sure he is leaving too. My son reminded me how much I've done for hubby and he'd be a fool to leave but, I am surrounded by family and I was divorced four years before remarrying and did it on my own. I guess time will tell. |
| posted by Kathy on 09/06/2007 02:27 PM
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| I am sorry that hubby feels this way, it seems he and the kids will be losing a good person in their lives. I can understand how hard this would be for a parent (step or bio). My aunt had to cut off her only son since he is a drug addict, she just couldnt take it anymore. I guess some poeple need to learn things the hard way and dont seem to care who they hurt in the process. Hang in there I pray that things will work out for the best for you and your family. |
| posted by on 09/06/2007 02:36 PM
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I hope your hubby comes around, and doesn't leave, simply because I know that he will continue to feed this lopsided cycle.
Whatever happens, consider this: Whenever you are parted from something you are close to it hurts, even if it's a bad part. If you have breast cancer, and they have to remove the breast, that's a lot of physical and emotional pain - but you have made your body healthier.
It's time to cut away the bad parts of this (SS) no matter how you do it, but it's going to hurt because you know your husband is so enmeshed with his kids, and he may end up being cut off, also. But you will heal, you will make your life and your relationships healthier.
Your on the right track about what needs to be done.
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| posted by Kelly on 09/06/2007 07:34 PM
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Kathy, With all the advice this board has poured out to you, you have not made a decision to change the unhealthy pattern in that household of yours. "I'll let my husband decide". Bull Crap if I ever heard any.
"Can it get any worse with the stepkids?" You have CHOICES. No one has locked you into that house and have made you a prisoner.
If you don't like it, make it a point of moving on with your life and put your own children in a healthy environment.
Look into "transitional homes" for you and your children, or find a shelter somewhere else. Visit someone who can accommodate you and your children, until you resolve these impending issues with your spouse, if you do decide to be with him.
For your children's sake, I hope you do put them in a healthy environment. No need for their life to be "messed up" just because yours is.
I say what I say, for your situation hits close to home. I see the flashbacks, I feel the tears as they begin to form, and I re-live the pain that nearly destroyed my marriage. I walked away. I separated from my husband. I made him choose between me and our son or his "freeloading children". Guess what? I won. I have been married for almost 18 years, and his "freeloading children" are no longer in the picture. Only when they visit. And the stay is not long. |
| posted by esther on 09/06/2007 09:21 PM
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| I stay because Hubby usually comes through. But this is an incredible decesion he will have to make, thay are his children and I try to put myself in his situation. Now for the update I'll do A new post. |
| posted by Kathy on 09/07/2007 12:05 PM
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