Hi all,

My name is Christina and I'm new here.  I am a full time working mom (high school teacher) and I have one daughter who is 20 months old and another baby on the way- currently almost 6 months pregnant.

I want so desperately to be able to stay home with my daughter but financially we cannot swing that because I am the main provider for my family, both financially and health insurance wise.  My husband was laid off for a year when my daughter was born, and they have really bonded and are extremely close, which I am terribly jealous of. I  wanted a little girl my entire life, and to watch her every day prefer my husband over me breaks my heart.  My husband is now working as a doorman but his job is not permanent, so there is no way I can take a child care leave to be home with my children. 

My mother in law watches my daughter, which is a whole other situation, because she never wanted my husband to get married and leave her (her husband left her years ago and she made my husband into her own husband when he left her--there is a LOT of dysfunction in my husband's family).  To further add, my mother in law is not educated and I can barely get her to read to my daughter, and she is also obese and feeds her junk food even though I pack her lunch and have explicitly told her over and over again that we don't feed her junk and processed food (I'm a Physical education teacher so i'm really into health and fitness and proper nutrition).  Sometimes I just want to put my daughter in day care just to be away from my mother in law, but we can't afford that either.  I just feel so stuck and sad....I think feeling stuck is the worst feeling in the world.

Does anyone have any experience in this kind of situation and can give me some words of hope and wisdom? I feel so alone, and it doesn't help that every other parent/mother I know is a stay at home mother.  I get so jealous, wishing I got to spend more time with my daughter...

Christina

Hi Christina,

I understand you situation.  It is a common one from Mom's that are working outside of the home and leaving their children with someone else. I work from home and would love to share information on how you could become a stay at home Mom even if your husband does not have a job. Send me an email at teen@sbcglobal.net and we can talk about opportunities to change your life.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Phyllis

Hi Christina,

I know your post is a few weeks old, but I wanted to offer some support and encouragement.

My situation isnt exactly like yours, but as a working mom I understand some of the guilt you feel, and the frustration with your mother-in-law not adhering to your wishes regarding your daughter's diet.

My mother-in-law, although a kind lady, came to help out when my daughter was born.  She questioned everything I did, from putting the baby to sleep on her back (well, she would sleep so much better on her tummy) to asking if my daughter "really needed all of that medicine" when I gave my daughter her reflux meds.  Now that my daughter is past 1, we give her organic whole milk that doesn't contain all of those GMO's.   Mother in law questions this too!

You have a lot on your plate right now, and I understand what you mean with daycare!  We pay more in daycare every month than our mortgage. 

I would offer you advice, but it seems like you are doing everything you can right now to provide for your family the best possible way.  

Hang in there!  When I am going through a hard time, I just keep telling myself that like everything else, it will pass.   Just try to focus on the positive in your situation---you have a job, a beautiful child and another one on the way.  You are being tested, life does that to us sometimes.

Hi Christina,

My heart goes out to you.  My situation is very similar to yours.  I have a son who is almost three and another on the way.  I am the sole provider for my family and my husband stays home.  I used to feel like I was living some cruel joke.  I so desperately wanted to stay home with our son and my husband never planned to be a stay at home dad and often felt not cut out for it.  I would get so furious when he would complain that he did not get enough adult contact or when my cousin and sister-in-law (who are stay at home moms) would say they missed working. Didn't they know how lucky they were!  They are living my dream.

It was after our son turned two that my feelings of anger and jelousy started to fade.  I began to realize how lucky I was.  I did not have to hassle with daycare or worry about a non-family member raising our son. My husband, who struggled a bit caring for an infant, all of the sudden became the most wonderful and patient teacher.  Our son was blossoming under my husband's care.

I also started appreciating my contributions.  I was teaching our son how to work hard outside of the home and still be a good parent, and how to respect the parent who was staying home.  I would plan special outings on the weekend that our son loved.  I learned that I was still the mom and had all the value of that role even though I was different from most of the mothers I knew.

I'm not sure I have any advice to give other than your feelings will likely change with time.  As much as you can, try to appreciate the contributions that everyone in your daughter's life are making (including your own).  Take care.