Hi Everyone, I'm looking for some support. I have a teenage girl living with my and her natural father. She was not in a good situation living with her Mother so she asked if she can move in with us after only 3 days into a two week visit. A lot has unfolded in that time. We also recently moved. A move we planned for over 3 years.

Her mother refuses to speak with us for any reason including medical reasons. We do not know this girls past medical history except for what the child remembers. We cannot get any records withou going though courts to do it and her mother has moved 4 times since 2007 so there might not be any accurate medical records to get.

As for what I know about her medically, she was abused by a step father and molested by her halfbrother. She is also a cutter. For a few months she seemed stable and happy with us. Recently, she had outbursts almost tantrum like around Valentines Day and my birthday. I'm starting to wonder if there are connections between past events and holidays.

Her father(my husband) is especially frustrated. He feels she doesn't want to be with us anymore. We have no way of sending her back nor do I believe that she is wanted by her mother. They already dismantled her room and gave away anything she left behind. Any advice???

Ok well my frist post got lost.. it was very long and I am running out of time.

My step son was abused by his mother, and sexually abused by her boyfriend. He was much younger but it was very traumatic for him. So trust me when I say I understand the frustration that comes from this.

A few things to remember:

She isn't mad at you. She is hurt scared angry and shamed by people who aren't there. You are safe, and close she can explode on you and not get hurt.

It will take A Long time to heal. Years to close those wounds and accept those scars.

You can not do it alone. it is not a shameful thing to need professional help.

its ok to become angry about this to be frustrated, to be hurt when she lashes out on you. But try to remember that its pain that brings that.

Also very improtant. Do not let her use being a victim to get out of punishment. Just because she was abused doesn't give her a pass on misbehavior.

LOOK UP VICTIMS SERVICES, get her into counseling this will help everyone alot!.. and there are alot of programs that will pay for the counseling and they even have programs to help you develop skills to cope with her behavior and relieve the stress that comes with it.

I needed alot of help bonding with my step-son and overcoming his resentment to mother figures. It also helpped me come up with ways to cope with the stress that comes with it.

And just remember its not your fault.. its not her fault. and it will take a long time to live with those scars. She will never be completely past the trauma. but with your help and love and acceptence as well as struture (including discpline) she will learn to be happy healthy and functioning Human beiing again.

Ok well my frist post got lost.. it was very long and I am running out of time.

My step son was abused by his mother, and sexually abused by her boyfriend. He was much younger but it was very traumatic for him. So trust me when I say I understand the frustration that comes from this.

A few things to remember:

She isn't mad at you. She is hurt scared angry and shamed by people who aren't there. You are safe, and close she can explode on you and not get hurt.

It will take A Long time to heal. Years to close those wounds and accept those scars.

You can not do it alone. it is not a shameful thing to need professional help.

its ok to become angry about this to be frustrated, to be hurt when she lashes out on you. But try to remember that its pain that brings that.

Also very improtant. Do not let her use being a victim to get out of punishment. Just because she was abused doesn't give her a pass on misbehavior.

LOOK UP VICTIMS SERVICES, get her into counseling this will help everyone alot!.. and there are alot of programs that will pay for the counseling and they even have programs to help you develop skills to cope with her behavior and relieve the stress that comes with it.

I needed alot of help bonding with my step-son and overcoming his resentment to mother figures. It also helpped me come up with ways to cope with the stress that comes with it.

And just remember its not your fault.. its not her fault. and it will take a long time to live with those scars. She will never be completely past the trauma. but with your help and love and acceptence as well as struture (including discpline) she will learn to be happy healthy and functioning Human beiing again.

OHH and forget trying to get the mother to help. Its pointless. She obviously either can't or simply wont. get a new doctor, ask them what they need to look at old records, go to the courts and get it done with them. its hard but its better then being angry and agravated.

also remember She wants to be with you. The tantrums say she is strarting to feel safe, and trying to process all the trauma she has been threw. not that she wants to leave. she just wants the pain to end.

Hi Jesse,

Thankyou so much for your advice. I'm trying my best to open lines of communication and keep them open. I'm going to try again tonight to talk to her about behavior. I want to get her to the point were she will accept that the past does not equal the future. She actually applied for a job last night. I hope she gets it.

We got her something that she has not had before: her own bank account. In the past her mother worked with her in the same place and deposited her checks in her mother's account. She never saw any of it, doesn't know how the money was spent and her mother owes her a paycheck from her business and basically told her she get paid whenever and not to ask again. I'm sad for her and that's why we told her that her money goes into her own account.

I hope she learns how to be happy.