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| Stay at Home Moms |
| Public online group |
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| I am having a problem with my son running away from me. He did it awhile ago then he stoped, but he is doing it again. Just in the last 2 weeks he ran way in the mall, which I had to have a stranger grab him. Which freaked him out but the next day he got away from my hubby in the parking lot. He didn't get far before my husband grab him. The last straw was he ran for 10 min. in walmart. I have put him on time out, told him no, explain why it was bad, and have taken away his toys and I even spanked him once when he ran in the parking lot. I use to have to have him on a leash all the time but I felt bad about it. I guess I will have to go back to that. I have even tried the freeze game someone sugested but I think it made it more fun for him. He is 2 1/2 so he is at that age he doesn't listen. Does anyone have any sugestions or do I just need to do the leash till he gets it? |
| Posted by Karolyn on 08/14/2007 11:09 AM
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| I haven't had that problem myself because my kids are willing to spend time in the stroller and aren't let out of it if I don't totally trust them to stay near me, but I did want to write to encourage you that you know best what works with your son and if the leash worked then I would go back to it. You might consider even going back to the stroller if you can -- it sounds like he's just trying to satisfy his curiosity and exert his independence, so having something to occupy him at a place like the mall might make it easier on you both. Special toys or treats that are only for the stroller have worked very well for me and are a good motivator for calm behavior. If you do decide to go back to the leash, don't worry about what people think of it... at the end of the day it's a tool that forces him to hold your hand, not a means of mistreating him. I think that whenever a child misbehaves you have to have immediate consequences (at 2 he may not connect losing his toys to running off in a public place) and it may be that you only need to use the leash or stroller for a couple of days before he relearns the rule. In any case, good luck and remember to trust your instincts! |
| posted by Cindy on 08/14/2007 11:32 AM
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| My son is the same way. Sometimes it is because he is just off in his own world and other times it is because he is playing hide and seek or something. But mostly i think that it is because he is board and its a way to achieve independence. Some of the things i have done are to play games when we are walking so that he is having fun and doesn't have the chance to make a get away. Something as little as naming the car colors or walking like different animals. ( you may look like an idiot but he will love it and be close by.) Also If he does get away don't let it become a game pick him up and tell him if you can't walk by mommy then i will carry you or you will have to ride in the basket/ stroller. Don't use any play when you chase him. Remember, that at two it is still more important to prevent it than to punish him . Also try to make sure that you punish him right then and not latter he is still to young to remember what he did wrong ten mins ago. Taking away his freedom to walk on his own like a big boy is the best punishment for this crime. Also before you get out of the car tell him what you expect of him. "we are going to the store and i want you to walk by mommy/ hold mommy's hand/ not to run off." And if need be bribe him. If he doesn't run away on your trip in walmart he gets a small toy/ peace of candy/ or a sticker. You can find cheap packs of stickers and carry them in your purse my son love getting a sticker and its a good way to tell him he did what i asked. |
| posted by Laura on 08/14/2007 12:03 PM
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Well, I won't make many friends with this one but here goes;
As a parent educator we teach to never bribe a child, once you start you will never get out ot it and it just progresses as they get older and become more clever.
It is not clear on how he reacts after you catch him so I can't determine if its direct disobedience or challanging for attention.
Direct disobedience would be if he laughs or tells you 'no' when you tell him to stop or come to you.
Challanging for attention is a little more difficult to determine, usually when other children (smaller siblings) are around.
Discipline is from disciple ( a person who is a pupil or an adherent of the doctrines of another; follower: a disciple of Freud. –verb (used with object) Archaic. to convert into a disciple. Obsolete. to teach; train. )
A parent must choose one punishment and follow through with it, even if it is a burden for them at the time.
One example would be to pick the child up, take him to the car, give two swats on the bottom and make him sit in his car seat for ten minutes, without you speaking to him.(longer if needed each time) (some people like to use oven timers, then the children learn if the over timer comes out, they better chill)
If he obeys then you may continue with the activity, if he doesn't then its time to take him home. Explain that each time he misbehaves it is the poor behavior that ruins the activity.
Each lesson we teach them now will have either positive or negative behavior results when they are older. For example if we rely on leashes or binkies for behavior modification instead of teaching self control then the children will always seek a replacement for self control....
Best of luck to you, being a parent is the toughest and most rewarding job.
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| posted by Tina on 08/14/2007 01:23 PM
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| Thank you ladys! Tina thanks a lot that helps. During the running away and when his is caught he laughs. |
| posted by Karolyn on 08/14/2007 02:04 PM
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| Tina, you explained that very well. I try to explain to people why I don't like using rewards, since so often I see them turn into bribes. |
| posted by Marcia on 08/14/2007 03:01 PM
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| I used to feel the same way about bribes until i had my daughter. The truth is when you have a sick infant and a willful two year old you do what it takes to get everyone through the day. I took my share of child development courses and each one will tell you something different about what to do in different situations and what will have a lasting effect on your children. The truth is that punishments go in and out of fashion as fast as clothing. Do what works for your family you know your child and you know what behaviors you can tolerate best. I do agree that the leash will only postpone the problem and not fix it. And a bribe may become expected if you aren't careful. |
| posted by Laura on 08/14/2007 04:01 PM
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| When it comes to safety there is not budging! I say keep him on a leash until he matures. My children are 6 and 4 and I still hold both of their hands whenever we are in a parking lot. |
| posted by Kara on 08/14/2007 04:47 PM
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