Hi,  I am new to the site/group.. I am in desperate need of guidance with my Indigo teen. I've been told by an intuitive that I have an Indigo child and from what I have read it seems like that's the case.  I really need to hear from someone who has been through it who can help me without judging, because my Indigo is completely self-destructive and toxic to the rest of the family.  As much as I love my child unconditionally and I honestly truthfully see and appreciate all the wonderful potential of being an indigo, its like she is a train wreck that noone can stop.  As a parent I have educated myself as much as I can about this and have tried to be supportive and have had to stretch myself a lot to accomodate for the indigo's needs, have openned my mind a lot, hoped, prayed and trusted, and basically become flexible in my parenting beyond what my personal principles allow me to comfortable with.  Still, our Indigo is forever slothful, deceitful, self-destructive, manipulative, resentful and unhappy. It was bad when we she was younger and we dealth with her sternly and with lots of rules, now we dropped most of the rules, but its no better.  I thought the more we let go she would naturally reach an equilibrium, we thought we were making things worse by trying to have rules to protect her, but the opposite has not worked... She is the text book emotional vampire and it has come to a point where I hate coming home.  I am kind of an empath and having to be home around her energy is toxic.  Its soooo hard to be around.  I love her and I can see her gifts, her potential.  I trully am ok with whatever she wants to do as long as it is not illegal or self-distructive.  Even her teachers in the very conventional regular public school she attends are very supportive and allowing of her self-expression, its like people are starting to catch up and realize these kids are here with a purpose.. yet she doesnt find this nurturing.  I feel like maybe she mistakes peoples admiration and approval of her with EXPECTATION and she rebels.  therefore she is rebelling against the wind and engaging in destructive behavior for no good reason at all.  a rebel without a cause other than impressing her friends and justifying having a reason to be miserable and making others miserable. I need help.  i dont know what to do.

Hi Ari!

Part of the reason I joined this group was because I was desperate to find solutions for my then 7 year old son who is a deeply sensitive soul.  One thing I have learned 4 years later is that I definitely underestimated his potential.

I can relate to your need for help.  I strongly urge you to look for therapy for your daughter.  That way you and your family can learn how to establish some boundaries.  Being the intelligent girl that she is, the child therapist will hone-in on precisely why she is so self-destructive.  Every parent deserves to be in control of their own home.  Sensitive child or not. 

After seeking such help for ourselves, we noticed a dramatic personality change in our son.  I quit working, homeschool him, and continue to "raise the bar" on acceptable behavior.  Most importantly I have maintained a disciplined approach to my own life. A commitment that is unswerving. 

There are no magic bullets, just an intense desire to resolve issues, establish a firm home foundation for our son, and best of all a secure, safe, and loving home in which to grow and nurture our beings.

Oh yes, please look into diet as well.  Teens love sweets and fats (who doesn't?) but this may be to her detriment.  Sometimes we have to literally get him to stuff healthy carbs in his mouth and then immediately he goes from Mr. Hyde to Dr. Jekyll.  And yes, we have had him checked out for diabetes, etc.  He's just a very active kid who sometimes forgets to eat - and we all pay for it.

The best to you, you WILL succeed!  AM 

Hi Ari -  Welcome to the group.  I agree with AM that looking into your daughter's diet is a good place to start.  Start by listing everything she eats and drinks for a period of one week and then monitor her behavior for 45-90 minutes after eating.  Have her take responsibility for tracking what ever she eats or drinks (and the time) while she is away from home.  Indigo's must be held responsibile.  As AM says, you must continue to "Raise the Bar" not lower it.  Sit down with her and put into writing what is acceptable behavior - do not list "unacceptable" behaviors - only acceptable.  The reason for this is because you want to keep her mind focused on positive - not negative.  Make sure she has input regarding the consequences of her behavior.  Do not use the words like "punishment."  There are actions and consequences - both positive and negative. Make sure you list out both.  When she behaves in a positive manner, point out the positive consequences she gets.  When she behaves in a negative manner, make sure she receives the consequences she helped define.  Do not accept "I don't know", or the shrugging of her shoulders if you ask "why" to a certain type of behavior.  Each person in the family must be held to the same stardards you are holding your daughter to and she is holding herself to.  For things like her messy room, do not clean it up.  Do not do her laundry unless it is in the hamper or where you have designated it to be. If it doesn't make it to the hamper, it doesn't get washed.  Again, make sure everyone in the family is held to the same standards so she can see that everyone is equal. 

For emotional balance, I recommend Bach Flower Essence.  If you can find it, look for Beech.  If you can not, get Rescue Remedy.  Put a dropper full in whatever she is drinking - 3 times a day - or if she drinks bottled water just put 8 drops in each bottle and let her sip on it all day.  This is good for everyone.  The Beech is especially good during the hormonal swings (PMS).  There are no contraindications - Flower Essence are safe for everyone.  Rhodiola rosea is an herb that helps balance the dopamine and seratonin in the brain and often helps with mood swings.  You should be able to find it in tincture form at a local herb store or in the natural herb section of Whole Foods/Sprouts.  Excellent brands to look for are GAIA Herbs and Horizon Herbs.  There are other good ones but these two are my favorite.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to write.

Mary

Hi Ari,

I'm a sensitive as well, raising a 3 year old Indigo son. I can totally relate to how your daughter is behaving, I grew up not being able to show my ablilities and others calling me wierd, witch, etc. I unfortunatly got really good at blocking my sensitivity because it was not accepted when I was growing up. I did some of the same behavior patterns your daughter is doing, I did them because I was so unhappy that nobody actually knew me and if they did they would lash out because people are so closed minded to spirituality.  It also becomes a lash out, when you feel like others are questioning you ablilities as if your were crazy. When you aren't a sensitive you don't totally understand the outcome of things said to a sensitive when you doubt them. We are all here to help this earth, and some more so than others. I'm happy that the world is starting to allow indigo children to live normal lifes now, and less stress on me for my son; as I do not want him to ever think he is wierd because others can't or do not understand his ablilities.  I'm an energy healer and work with energy within the forest. My son is also works with energy in the forest and the stars.

I understand your daughters frusterations and I'm not in any way making it ok for her to act out. She too needs to learn balance as I did and what I'm teaching my son. Good news for her is more people are showing interest in indigo childern, now she can flourish with the right tools ;) I also want to say, and only because I'm a sensitive too, and therapists were put on my table too.. I laugh in the nicest way. If the therapist is not trained in indigo children they are not going to help your daughter other than move her to a direction which is what this society calls normal so that she isn't causing trouble. Your daughter needs to be shown by other sensitives how to control and block when she needs. Also, it might not be an ok feeling for your daughter to actually tell you what she is seeing around her, it is scarey when you don't know how to control it and espcially since not everyone can see what she sees. 

If she has to much energy around her, it will cause headaches, stomachaches, eating patterns all over the place, no sleep or have to sleep with someone or lights on. wakes up around 3am everynight. these are some ques for you to start watching for with your daughter. 

I will tell you, it is not easy being a sensitive in this world, your daughter has a great mission in this life. I ask as a parent and sensitive that you surround her with love and let her know even if you don't understand what is going on around her, she can always tell you what is happening no matter how crazy it seems. she has to start speaking things out to start finding a balance in her path. Also, she needs to be around others that are comfortable with themselves and not caring what others think. I called on my guides when I was going up to protect me being I came to early to this life with what I could do, now that I'm 31 years old I'm just coming to terms with being ok with what I can do to help others. I'm glad I walked the path that I had to, as now I can give my son great guidence in this world of harsh and closed minded thoughts.

Get her a journal, tell her to write when she feels like she is going to explode. I know, that when she acts up its because she has too much energy good or negative around her and she can't tell what is real and not. It's not a fun feeling trust me, please never tell her she needs to be normal for this society. She is normal for herself, now she just needs to have some guidence on her ablilties. There are lots of books and even would help her to go see an energy healer so that she can see she does the same things ;) 

I'm here if you need to ask other questions and really think it's a great idea for any parents raising an indigo child to take a huge step outside your own box of life and what is normal to you ;)and adapt to your indigo child world as they are here for great reasons ;)

Let your daughter know she will do great things in her life and ask that she wants to seek positive guidence on her ablilites with that she will start to slow down on behavior issues when she feels like she isn't alone. And yes, my parents always told me I wasn't alone, but on the real side when you can't see or do what indigo children do its normal to not understand what they are going through.

Sincerly,

Brandi rainwater

sending you and your family, calming and claritiy energy so that your daughter may move forward in her journey of life in a positive light! ;)

Brandi

Dear Brandi,

It seems each and every time I post a message it gets deleted and I need to start again.  I agree with many of the suggestions you gave about raising a sensitive child.  What I failed to articulate (because the first reply was deleted) is that we sought therapy to uncover some of the bullying that had occured in school along with some issues that did not approach his talents in the sensitive area.  What I also failed to point out was that we stopped because the therapist did not understand our need to homeschool nor did she understand my nontraditional approach to healing via past life aggression (no, I did not tell her this outright), nor my journaling, contact with spirits, etc.  I still feel the therapy helped uncover just a little of his angst.  It was the beginning of the breakthroughs.  For that I am grateful to the therapist.  The rest was in our hands. I would say search, search, search, in any realm.

I believe there are many sensitive children whose needs are not being met.  This is the age of reform.  This mom is happy we have so many choices in our approach to raising our children.  Always listen to the heart, NOT the so-called authorities.  And question, question, question.

How cool that you are raising your son in the forest.

My best to you all here,

Adela

The teen years were the absolute worst for me.  Nothing worse than being in the age bracket where there is emphasis on fitting in and you feel out of place.  Sometimes embracing the freakiness helps find people where you aren't looked at like you just quite aren't right.  It is difficult when people try to "fix" you or say that they understand especially when you are trying to find your place in this alien world.  I assume that she knows that you are an empath and she is trying to find a way to not feel like she is spinning out of balance.

Is there any topic that your daughter has expressed interest in learning that may seem kinda strange or out of the norm?  For me it was wanting to learn Russian and forensics.  Those two topics have 'haunted' me over the last 20 years.  These weren't anything that I outright told my parents about but were fairly consistent undertones in what I would read for fun.  My mom still recalls some of the strange stuff I would read.  Well anyways, it did take a while for me to realize what I was really fighting against and these two topics have been my touchstone for when I am having a difficult time in this world.  Maybe she is close to finding her touchstone or has already found it but doesn't want to admit it yet.

Brightest Blessings,

Rebecca

Hello all,
I'm so glad I found this board. This is very helpful for me. I believe my step-son is an indigo child, and I also share the same traits.  Thankfully my mother recognized it and put me in a very special school where I was free to be.  We need more schools like the one I attended and I wish I could make it happen.  The ones by our home are extremely expensive and no way affordable.  

For this child, he is not yet in that place. I have just come to this realization today. His father is from a very conformist asian culture where special kids are definitely overlooked because individuality is not appreciated.  When I told him this today he seemed exasperated.  Now that he is America I hope I can find a way for him to succeed. 

How does one teach a parent who is not very open minded about the realm of the indigo child and how to help them?  He is constantly in trouble in school, can't pay attention, etc. but he's a lovely boy. It's the 8th grade, so I am already starting to dread high school.  He attends a christian school, they are very nice, but yet he is not thriving.  I hope I can learn more from all of you.

Blessings to all of you for helping your children be who they are!

Nicole

here is my imput. as a 34 yr old indigo/senitive person. i agree that looking at what your daughter eats is necessary. it took me years to learn that gluten is not my friend. i can do caffinee at time in small doses but not all the time or too much. your daughter should figure out what foods are good for her and which ones are not.
i also suggest sage as it helps clear out the aura. ringing a bell will also help clear out negitive energies.
as an empath you should make sure that you are taking time for you. a good salt water bath is another good way to clear negitive energies. the calmer you are the easier it will be for you to deal with your daughter. If she is having trouble ask her why? ask her how she feels? i do agree that setting standards of behavior is a good thing but do not be too strict/ridgid for i feel that indigios who feel too confined are more likely to act out. 

there is no one answer that will work for everyone. relax and know that there is hope.  you are her parent and if you listen to your guides and inner wisidom the answers for you will come.

blessings and love