Hi Moms...WARNING...this will be a LONG POST. I'm a single mother of a beautiful (just turned three year old) daughter named Sienna. I've been needing to vent for months now, but have been quite ashamed too to be honest. I have been dealing with the terrible two's for some time, but I have to admit...the terrible threes are making me INSANE! I like to think of myself as a good mother. I provide for my daughter, I have made many sacrafices, her father is in her life occasionally but does not help out financially and hasn't for almost 2 years. My life has been very stressful to say the least with having to try and keep up with my bills, rent, food, clothes, etc..

I find that lately I am sick of hearing myself speak...or should I say yell. I was never like this and never thought I would be. It just seems like the simplest task that I ask of her I get told "no". Lately she has started dropping the "F Bomb" and I do NOT use that language around her and can only think that she has picked it up at her daycare or her father. Not only the F Bomb but she has also said " you bitch" and she has said "oh shit" (sorry for the bad language) but these are the things she is saying. I just cannot believe my child is behaving this way.  

Tonight she tells me that I am not nice to her. This absolutely breaks my heart. I feel like the worst mother in the world. I want to make it clear that when she does not listen to me or says these things that I have tried a number of things to stop it. I have done time outs, ignored, walked away, put her in her room, taken things away and have even smacked her mouth for using bad language when directed toward me, but after physically doing so I feel even worse. Especailly after raising my voice to her. I feel like...my God...maybe this is why she is the way she is.

I am now at a point where I seriously feel I need to find someone professionally to talk to because I have run out of answers and the stress is taking a toll on me. I'm not here looking to be bashed or called a bad mom. I'm hoping that someone out here can offer me some sort of advice or even tell me they have been there before. Sorry for such a long post moms. Any advice is welcomed. Thanks...Sandy

HI Sandy.  I commend you for being so honest about your struggles.  I wish more of us had the courage to do that.  I also have a three year old, a boy, and have found myself angrier than I have ever wanted him to be with his testing behavior recently.  It sounds like you're working sooo hard.  One of my best friends raised her son by herself and it was very challenging, albeit rewarding in the end..he's 19 now, but I've seen how hard that can be.  In my experience as a therapist and a mom, as I use this with my son, the best thing to do would be to get some professional help.  There is a great program called Parent Child Interaction Therapy or PCIT.  The website is www.pcit.tv .  There you can see if there are providers in your area.  If you go straight through, it can take as little as 3-4 months and it has been research proven to be helpful in decreasing bad behaviors in kids 2-7 years old and is helpful in improving the relationship and teaching discipline that works.  It's very hands on and the therapist works with the parent and child together. 

Best of luck and feel free to email back.

Devorah

HI Sandy.  I commend you for being so honest about your struggles.  I wish more of us had the courage to do that.  I also have a three year old, a boy, and have found myself angrier than I have ever wanted him to be with his testing behavior recently.  It sounds like you're working sooo hard.  One of my best friends raised her son by herself and it was very challenging, albeit rewarding in the end..he's 19 now, but I've seen how hard that can be.  In my experience as a therapist and a mom, as I use this with my son, the best thing to do would be to get some professional help.  There is a great program called Parent Child Interaction Therapy or PCIT.  The website is www.pcit.tv .  There you can see if there are providers in your area.  If you go straight through, it can take as little as 3-4 months and it has been research proven to be helpful in decreasing bad behaviors in kids 2-7 years old and is helpful in improving the relationship and teaching discipline that works.  It's very hands on and the therapist works with the parent and child together. 

Best of luck and feel free to email back.

Devorah

HI Sandy.  I commend you for being so honest about your struggles.  I wish more of us had the courage to do that.  I also have a three year old, a boy, and have found myself angrier than I have ever wanted him to be with his testing behavior recently.  It sounds like you're working sooo hard.  One of my best friends raised her son by herself and it was very challenging, albeit rewarding in the end..he's 19 now, but I've seen how hard that can be.  In my experience as a therapist and a mom, as I use this with my son, the best thing to do would be to get some professional help.  There is a great program called Parent Child Interaction Therapy or PCIT.  The website is www.pcit.tv .  There you can see if there are providers in your area.  If you go straight through, it can take as little as 3-4 months and it has been research proven to be helpful in decreasing bad behaviors in kids 2-7 years old and is helpful in improving the relationship and teaching discipline that works.  It's very hands on and the therapist works with the parent and child together. 

Best of luck and feel free to email back.

Devorah

Hi Sandy.

First of all I wanted to say how absolutely beautiful your daughet is :-)

Ever since I joined this site I have never seen a more honest, brave and touching post that yours! Don't ever think that you are a bad mother for getting angry or losing patience. We are humans and it is extremely stressful to raise children, especially for a single mother. It sounds like you are doing your best and you are a wonderful mother. And not the least for admitting how hard it is for you. I agree with Devorah - more of use should admit how hard it is to be a good parent.

I cannot even imaging how difficult it must be for you. I have a husband who is a great father and I still find it challenging and I lose my patience a lot with my 2.5-year old girl (she was also born in 2008 by the way, November 20th).

I know for myself and for all parents what really helps is trying to find time to take care of ourselves. If you can find any time at all to do something that will make you relax (yoga, reading, walking, another type of excercise). I know that when I took yoga I was more patient with my husband and daughter. Try to do this and you will see that you will find yourself more patient and prepared to handle difficult situations with your daughter.

Another thing I would recommend is joining a meet-up group in your area. There are a bunch and a lot with your own situation. I am sure it will help to hang out with people who have similar experiences. They might offer good and useful advise.

And lastly I would highly recommend reading "The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behaviour without Whining, Tantrums and Tears " by Elizabeth Pantley.

Most important BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF! You are doing a great job. Just try to enjoy your daughter as much as possible, they grow up so fast :-(!

I hope my advise helps. Take care and best of luck. E-mail me if you ever need to.

Anastasia